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Friday, November 27, 1998

Introducing...the Puppet World Order

AL SNOW
Al Snow and The Head.
By "HARDCORE" CHRIS GRAMLICH -- For SLAM! Wrestling

With the number of WO's growing at an alarming rate, just look at the recently formed Latino World Order and now the emergence of the MWO (McMahon World Order), it seems only logical that people everywhere will buckle under there constant barrage. Instead of fighting the trend, fans should embrace it and help out the various companies (after all ECW had the Blue World Order), by creating and pitching there own WO's. That's why the world is now ready for the PWO.

The Puppet World Order has been laying its insidiously evil foundation for an alarming number of years. What originally started with Paul Ellering bringing out Rocko, to motivate the Legion of Doom has blossomed into a legitimate power in the world of wrestling. One would be hard-pressed to watch either the WWF or the WCW and not spot a member laying in wait, plotting for the appropriate time. As far as a roster the PWO sports such illustrious luminaries as Al Snow's Head, Golga's Cartman doll, Chavo's horse-on-a-stick Pepe, the aforementioned Rocko, Mick Foley's lovable Mr. Socko, Francine and Paul E. Dangerously's discarded puppet.

Unlike their contemporaries in the New World Order, the PWO are content to work their influence away from the spotlight. However when needed, they can be counted on to take care of business. Just look at how many victories Head has helped Al Snow achieve or the Socko enhanced mandible claw which Mankind devastates opponents with. But all is not well in the PWO. Lately certain members have been causing more losses than wins. Just look at Chavo's constant jobbing as soon as Pepe gets in trouble or how easy it is to roll-up Golga when one takes his Cartman doll, however that's the price of the PWO and when you're PWO...you're PWO till a better gimmick comes along.

The Rock and Stone Cold, cut from the same cloth

It wasn't that long ago when Stone Cold Steve Austin sucked. In the WCW he had a lame gimmick (the Hollywood Blondes with Brian Pillman), his hair was falling out, he wore robes as Stunning Steve and although he possessed all the talent he would ever need, the WCW failed to utilize him. Eventually Bischoff fired him and he went to the ECW before entering the WWF. At first he still sucked in the WWF, he had one of the dumbest gimmicks ever (The Ringmaster), Ted Debiase did all his talking and his explosive style of wrestling was abandoned for the more methodical heel style of the time.

But the Rattlesnake eventually achieved greatness. Step one was to lose the dumb-ass angle as The Ringmaster, kick Dibiase to the curb and shave off what little stubble he had left. Step two was to come-up with a number of catch phrases like "Cause Stone Cold said so" and "Austin 3:16". Step three was to become on of the most violent heels ever and insult the fans every chance he got. Step four was to beat the crap out of Vince McMahon.

The Rock also sucked upon his arrival in the WWF. He had bad chia-pet like hair, really bad trunks, his wrestling (which showed potential) was unspectacular, he had really bad tights and he was such a goody-goody face that people hated for no real reason. Miavia turned his back on the fans and joined the Nation Of Domination, once in it was only a matter of time before he deposed Faarooq taking the reins of leadership in his hands and prepared for his inevitable greatness.

Much like Austin before him, the Rock realized he would never make it with bad hair, so he shaved off the chia-pet for a more stylish cut. He dumped his bad tights in favor of black ones; he adopted the more explosive style of wrestling, which Austin had popularized. His catch-phrase "Smell what the Rock is cooking" took-off, he abused and insulted the fans every chance he got and before his heel turn two weeks ago, he beat the crap out of McMahon just like Austin did to get over with the fans.

If nothing else the parallels between the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin prove a couple things. One...that you need good (or no) hair to be champ. Black is the preferred color for trunks and merchandise, egotistical catch phrases are a must-have and the Boss is an easy target. Give me a hell yeah!

Bret should have known better

By now everybody as either seen the Bret Hart documentary"Wrestling with Shadows" or has heard a synopsis of how Bret was used, screwed and abused by the diabolical force known as Vince McMahon and the WWF. In the movie and in numerous interviews for the movie Bret has lambasted Vince and the WWF for what they did to him. He still whines and cries like the whole ordeal happened yesterday and although he says he's over it, it's obvious he never will be.

Well, I do believe that Bret was screwed and am in no way attempting to justify McMahon's actions but I think Bret should have known better. For one reason, no one leaves the WWF as champion. A few years ago Ric Flair pulled that stunt on the WCW showing-up on WWF programming with his NWA championship belt and making the WCW look very foolish in the process. Obviously Vince wasn't going to take any chances. Just look at the incredible jobbing spree all superstars embark on when they are departing. Diesel was beaten by just about everybody as was Razor Ramon. It is common practice for the departing star to count the lights until his tenure is up.

BRET HART Bret didn't want to lose though. Actually he said he'd do the job but not in Canada, he had reasonable creative control and wouldn't budge on the issue. Bret also says in the beginning of the documentary that Vince McMahon is the boss and he decides the matches so Bret knew somewhere that Vince was going to decide his final match. He is the boss and when Bret wouldn't do it his way, Vince did the only thing high-powered individuals do when they don't get their own way - they lie, they cheat and they steal until they finally do get their own way.

It's not as simple as Bret screwing Bret or Vince screwing Bret, or any of the other ways people have tried to explain this. Bret was put into a situation he didn't want and didn't deserve and in turn put Vince into a position of possibly having his belt or champ show-up on Nitro. Although Bret said he would never do that, could McMahon really take the chance? But Bret is a veteran in every sense of the word, he has over twenty years experience in the business and should have known he couldn't go out the way he wanted to, which was on top.




Chris Gramlich originally hails from "anywhere he damn well pleases" (a.k.a. Vancouver, BC). His hobbies include: wrestling, piercing various body parts, aggressive music, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Star Trek related programs, good animation, any all shark programs, video games, wrestling and walking his dog. Gramlich plays in a jazz/metal/punk/noise band called Association Area, being previous associated with bands such as Bad Blood and Tchort. Also a respected music writer based out of Toronto, "Hardcore" writes for the Exclaim and Doomhauled magazines.

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