Weak stunt ruins Survivor Series
By JOHN POWELL -- SLAM!
Wrestling
A bloody Lita is helped to the locker room at Survivor Series 2000.
|
At WCW's Halloween Havoc in 1995, something really dumb happened. Something
so plainly ridiculous that it inspired a guffaw heard 'round the world.
Hulk Hogan and The Giant (Paul Wight) went bumper to bumper in a monster
truck match high atop a building. Both men got out of their vehicles and
brawled near the roof's edge. Hogan pounded on the big man until he lost
his balance and supposedly fell over into a lake below. Nevermind that the
lake in question was really five or so miles away. Nevermind that we, the
audience, never saw The Giant take his swandive into the murky blue depths.
A slightly damp but otherwise no worse for wear Giant returned to fight
Hogan in the Halloween Havoc main event. Stupefied wrestling fans couldn't
believe what they were being asked to swallow. 'Do they really think we're
that dumb?', they cried in unison.
What occurred at Survivor Series last night at The Ice Palace in Tampa,
Florida, was as equally absurd. Subsequent to a half hour brawl with Triple
H, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was Pearl Harboured by The Radicals backstage.
While they kept Austin and a battalion of referees busy, Triple H got
behind the wheel of a car parked outside. Chris Benoit led Austin out in
the dark parking lot only to have him disappear into thin air. As Benoit
looked for Austin back inside the building, Triple H opened the car door
scanning the parking lot for Stone Cold. Commandeering a huge fork lift,
Austin lifted Triple H's car about forty feet in the air. Hunter Hearst
Helmsley begged for mercy. Stone Cold tilted the car dropping it on its
hood. Snap, crackle, pop, goes Triple H.
The careful editing or switching to stunt stand-ins looked impressive on
camera. The gag went off without a hitch. Except that the entire scenario
was preposterous. A stunt more akin to Nash Bridges or The X-Files than pro
wrestling. Not to mention that we've seen Steve Austin do this type of
thing before only not this extreme and every fan knows that Triple H will
return to the squared circle though he technically should be paralyzed or
dead. Stretching our suspension of disbelief is one thing. Chainsawing it
into a thousand pieces is quite another.
The slugfest that was Triple H versus Austin didn't even deserve to be the
main event it was billed as. Slap in any past No DQ match Austin has had
with The Undertaker, Mankind or The Rock into your VCR and you'd be hard
pressed to set this grudge match with Triple H apart from the rest. It was
nothing special and nothing different. Which is what you could also
describe the Survivor Series 2000 show as being. Not particularly bad. Not
particularly good. Just there playing out on your television set. For once
though, a women's wrestling match proudly stole the show. A bloodied Lita
and an aggressive Ivory illustrated to what heights women's wrestling is
capable of reaching in North America if the right talent is permitted to
strut their stuff in a wrestling ring and not a pit full of jello. With
Molly Holly (formerly known as Miss Madness in WCW) now in the WWF, the
women's division has the opportunity to shine like never before.
The only other match that is sure to generate conversation is Kurt Angle's
WWF World Heavyweight Title defence against The Undertaker which turned out
to be a excellently booked contest sporting patient mat wrestling, good
ring psychology and a couple of plot twists. Edge and Christian attempted
to interfere, however The Undertaker flipped over the top rope, landed on
his feet and thrashed them both. 'Taker, wearing some truly horrid snakeskin
pants, had Angle beat twice. Once in an arm-bar submission move and once
with a chokeslam. The official was tied up with Edge and Christian both
times. He never saw Angle tap out or was in position to slap the three
count. Angle, for his part, took his cue from Bret Hart's previous matches
with 'Taker working on his knees to the point of slapping on a figure four
around a ring post.
Rikishi trash talks a fallen Rock.
|
Stealing a page from the Killer Bees book, Angle pulled a switcheroo to
retain the gold. Angle crawled under the ring and was replaced by a person
who looked very much like him. It could've possibly been his brother.
Thinking that he had the real Angle in his clutches, The Undertaker hit The
Last Ride. Recognizing that 'Taker wasn't pinning Angle, the official
stopped the count before three. The Undertaker argued with the ref giving
the true Angle the opportunity to school-boy 'Taker for the victory. Angle
then dashed off to an awaiting car and sped off into the night.
The next WWF pay-per-view is Armageddon on December
10th.
Survivor Series 2000 Results
T & A, Trish Stratus versus Steve Blackman, Crash Holly, Molly
Holly
Molly Holly does a sunset flip off the top rope rolling up Trish.
Winners: Steve Blackman, Crash Holly, Molly Holly at 5 minutes even.
Match Rating: 6 / 10.
Kurt Angle chats with Christian and Edge. They offer their services.
Angle declines. Lo Down and Tiger Ali are stopped at the security desk and
not allowed into the backstage area. This ticks them off.
Road Dogg, K. Kwick, Billy Gunn, Chyna versus The Radicals (Survivor
Series rules tag match)
Road Dogg and K. Kwick are another wrestling - rap tag team? Please,
spare me. Billy Gunn is "The One". The One what? Methinks Gunn is in for
another in a series of character re-toolings. Could we soon be seeing the
resurrection of Rock-A-Billy? Chyna is gone at 2:25 when Eddie clocks her
with the Intercontinental belt. Gunn neckbreakers Eddie at 5:53 kicking
Latino Heat out. Benoit German suplexes a fiery K. Kwick out of his boots
and the match at 7:11. Saturn does the same to Road Dogg at 8:41. It is
Gunn against everyone. A Fame-asser eliminates Malenko at 10:40. Gunn tries
to suplex Benoit from the apron into the ring. Saturn pulls Gunn's legs out
from under him and Benoit pins him. Gunn knows now how The Ultimate Warrior
felt.
Winners: The Radicals at 12 minutes and 33 seconds.
Match Rating: 6 / 10.
Chris Jericho versus Kane
A feud started over spilt coffee? How lame. Now, I truly have seen
everything. What's next? A dispute over a parking space or locker leads to
a steel cage match? Man, if someone ever interrupts a WWF superstar's
promo, look out. It could end up as a pay-per-view match-up. The WWF big
men have had a problem working with Jericho's style in the past. This is no
exception. In the most obvious gaffe, Kane shifts himself over several feet
so Jericho can land his Lionsault. Kane chokeslams Jericho to a 1-2-3.
Winner: Kane at 12 minutes and 32 seconds.
Match Rating: 3 / 10.
William Regal (champion) versus Hardcore Holly (challenger) (European
Heavyweight Title Match)
This match came about because Holly interrupted Regal's promo. Regal
cuts a promo on the crowd saying that Americans can't even do such a simple
thing like elect a president without messing it up so it is no wonder that
they can't display proper manners. It is great to see the razor-tongued
technician back in action. The announcers use this match to hype the
Rebellion pay-per-view headed to England on December 2nd. A commendable
bout until Holly loses it and hits Regal with the European belt
disqualifying himself and ruining everything. Holly beats on Regal some
more.
Winner: Via disqualification, and still WWF European Heavyweight
Champion...Stephen Regal at 5 minutes and 43 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
Yet again, Trish hits on Angle. Yet again, Trish's advances fall on
deaf ears.
The Rock versus Rikishi
He is a real American. Fighting for the rights of every man. Is it
just me or is The Rock quickly becoming the new Hulk Hogan of the WWF? A
total throwback to an eighties Hulk Hogan type match. The superhuman Rock
absorbs all manner of devastating moves but he comes back again and again.
As the referee snores, Rikishi pulls a sledgehammer out from under the
ring. Rock causes Rikishi to fumble it by punching him in the mouth. The
Rock is the victim of a stink face. He quickly counters with a clothesline
that turns Rikishi inside out. Rikishi has The People's Elbow dropped on
him and convulses like he is a fish flopping around on dry land. What a
joke. The Rock pins Rikishi though he pays for it by being on the receiving
end of four Bonsai butt drops.
Winner: The Rock at 11 minutes and 19 seconds.
Match Rating: 3 / 10.
Ivory (champion) versus Lita (challenger) (WWF Women's World Heavyweight
Title Match)
Lita bleeds and bleeds badly from above her eye. It trickles down and
covers half her face. Lita goes for a moonsault. Steven Richards pulls
Ivory out of harm's way. Lita tries it again. Ivory puts the championship
belt between her and Lita. Lita lands and has the wind knocked out of her.
Ivory scores the pinfall.
Winners: ...and still WWF Women's World Heavyweight Champion...Ivory
at 4 minutes and 53 seconds.
Match Rating: 7 / 10.
Kurt Angle (champion) versus The Undertaker (champion) (WWF World
Heavyweight Title Match)
Winner: ...and still WWF World Heavyweight Champion...Kurt Angle at
16 minutes and 12 seconds.
Match Rating: 7 / 10.
The Rock is being worked on by EMTs in his locker room. He is having
trouble breathing. Jericho attacks Kane with a 2x4 backstage.
Edge, Christian, Right To Censor versus The Hardy Boyz, The Dudley
Boyz (Survivor Series rules)
Matt Hardy is kicked by the Edge-O-Matic at 4:10. Christian dumps
D'Von at 5:20. Edge mistakenly spears Bull at 8:50. Buh Buh pins him. Edge
is a goner at 10:01. A Goodfather Pimp Drop ends Buh Buh's stay at 12:42.
Jeff Hardy Swanton Bombs Christian to boot him at 14:52. Val Venis
clotheslines The Goodfather by accident at 16:42 so Jeff Hardy can cover
him and win the match. Right To Censor put the boots to Jeff. Matt and The
Dudleys clean house. Matt butt drops Venis through a table. The Dudleys
table Steven Richards.
Winners: The Hardy Boyz, The Dudley Boyz at 16:42. Survivor: Jeff
Hardy.
Match Rating: 6 / 10.
Steve Austin versus Triple H
Winner: No contest at approximately 30 minutes.
Match Rating: 5 / 10.
Total Event Time: 2 hours and 50 minutes
Overall Event Rating: 5 / 10.
Clip: 
