WWA debuts, Thunder returns
By JOHN POWELL -- SLAM!
Wrestling
WWA: The Inception, the first ever World Wrestling All-Stars pay-per-view
had its moments last night but not enough of them to really matter. For
those who don't know, the promotion is owned and operated by Jeremy Borash
has been in existence since October of last year. They have toured
extensively throughout Australia, England, Northern Ireland, Ireland,
Scotland and Wales. Basically, the WWA is a home to wrestling's outcasts.
Those who for various reasons can't find a job with the World Wrestling
Federation. It could be the WWF has shown no interest in them (Norman
Smiley, Crowbar, Stevie Ray, Disco Inferno) were fired (Buff Bagwell, Road
Dog), aren't welcome back (Jeff Jarrett) or don't wish to work for Vince
McMahon ever again (Bret Hart). The WWA also spotlights some Australian
talent, the best of which is a behemoth named "Front Row" Nathan Jones who
is an impressive specimen. Canadian wrestling legend Bret Hart is the
acting WWA Commissioner.
The WWA roster includes the aforementioned plus Gangrel, Luna Vachon,
Konnan, Brian Christopher, Scott Steiner, Juventud Guerrera, Psicosis, the
West Hollywood Blondes (Lenny and Lodi), Big Vito, Daffney, The Harris
Brothers and The Mean Street Posse. These are recognizable names to be sure
and can draw a crowd in Europe where WCW did so well but the lack of "main
event talent" (excluding Jarrett, Steiner and Hart) just doesn't fly back
here in North America where showmanship is king and actual wrestling talent
isn't appreciated as much as it should be. The promotion has flourished and
there are plans to bring their show to Las Vegas in February with Randy
Savage and possibly A.J. Styles joining the ranks.
Back when WWA: The Inception was filmed (in October of 2001), the talent
pool was even smaller. With the promotion still trying to find its way and
with many of the stars still working their WWF or WCW gimmicks to the hilt,
Inception came off as bargain basement version of WCW Thunder. Having said
that, the production values were solid throughout. Except for a few key
moments which were missed by the camera crew, the show was presented in a
far better way than any non-Big Three wrestling pay-per-view on record.
Though some of the matches needed more work from the bookers and wrestlers
alike, the comedy spots were genuinely hilarious...except for the inclusion
of two costumed extras dressed up as the Bananas And Pajamas characters
from the popular children's show. Talk about lame. Inception was nothing to
write home about but at the same time it certainly didn't outright bomb
either. Since there is no way for us in North America to tell how much the
promotion has improved since last October, it seems as if we will have to
wait until the Vegas show in February for the jury to return with its
verdict. In any case, it was a pleasure to have seen such great talents as
Jeff Jarrett, Bret Hart, Pscosis and Juvie on the small screen again.
The WWA used the Inception show to get the ball rolling as far as
establishing their champions. Though The Road Dogg had already been crowned
their World Champion, the title was vacated so a "Seven Deadly Sins"
tournament could be held for the pay-per-view. In the final round of the
tournament, Jeff Jarrett faced The Road Dogg in a steel cage match. Fans
who remember their nineties WWF history will recall that Road Dogg acted as
Jarrett's valet and the dissolving of their "partnership" let to a feud
between the two. With Bret Hart sitting at the announcer's table ready to
award the belt to the winner, Road Dogg and Jarrett battled in the ring.
Fighting over the top of the cage to the floor, Jarrett attempted to
clobber Road Dogg with the ring bell. Road Dogg wrestled it away from him
and creamed Jarrett instead. Jarrett came up bleeding...and I kid you
not...like a faucet. The blood was literally pouring out of his head.
Back in the ring, Jarrett ducked a flying forearm from Road Dogg which in
turn hit the referee. This gave Jarrett time to retrieve his guitar from
outside the ring and return to break it over Road Dogg's head. Jarrett
signaled to Hart then wrapped Road Dogg in the Sharpshooter. Mocking the
way he was forced to leave the WWF, Hart refused to call the match saying
to Jarrett that he had to "earn" the WWA World Heavyweight Title. Minutes
later, Road Dogg found himself in the same situation. As Jarrett tapped out
to Road Dogg's Sharpshooter, Hart again wouldn't ring the bell because Road
Dogg had knocked out the referee when he lifted Jarrett up for a
Pump-Handle Slam.
Apparently feeling that neither The Road Dogg or Jeff Jarrett were worthy
of the title, Bret Hart left the ringside area with it. Road Dogg chased
him down, snatched the strap and brought it into the cage. Road Dogg swung
at Jarrett and missed. Jarrett gave Road Dogg The Stroke on the belt to be
crowned the new WWA World Heavyweight Champion. After Jarrett threatened to
hit Hart with the belt, Hart promptly put him in the Sharpshooter to the
joy of the crowd in attendance.
WWA Inception Results
Commissioner Bret Hart cuts a promo in the ring. He apologizes for not
coming to Australia sooner saying he "saved the best for last". He thanked
Australia for its hospitality. He warned all of the competitors in the
tournament that they would have to "work hard" for the right to be declared
WWA Champion. Hart made reference to the fact that he left both the WWF and
WCW without actually being beaten for the World Titles there. He said The
Rock, Steve Austin, Chris Benoit and "that piece of sh-t" Vince McMahon
can't hold a candle to him. He claimed the WWA has "integrity" unlike the
other organizations he has worked for.
Psicosis versus The Juice (WWA International Cruiserweight Title -
Ladder Match, First round match in the WWA World Heavyweight Title
tournament)
Good to see that both high-fliers are still in fine form. Psicosis has
no mask and short hair. Juvie cuts a WCW promo he used to do to mock The
Rock. Psicosis is busted open by a ladder shot from Juvie and executes his
flying leg drop from off the top of a ladder. The Juice did his Air Juvie
off the top of the ladder too. In a cool spot, Juvie laid Psicosis over the
ladder then flipped over and powerbombed him to the mat. The commentator
sell Juvie's injury to his ribs.
Winner: ...and new WWA International Cruiserweight Champion...The
Juice at 8 minutes and 11 seconds.
Match Rating: 7 / 10.
WWA's version of the Nitro Girls -- The Starlettes -- dance...and not
very well.
Nathan Jones and his manager (an Australian radio personality) arrive
by limo. Lenny and Lodi harass Disco backstage. Disco says that a star such
as himself should have his own security. He tells a production assistant
backstage to send him "two suits".
Konnan versus Road Dogg (Dog Collar Match, First round match in the
WWA World Heavyweight Title tournament)
Short and not very sweet. Konnan has a crowbar of some sort hidden in
his pants (yep, those are mighty big pants). He uses it often to punk out
Road Dogg. When he jumps off the top rope with it, Road Dogg boots him in
the face, hog-ties him and drags him around to all four turnbuckles.
Winner: Road Dogg at 3 minutes and 39 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
Devon Storm (Crowbar) versus "Screaming" Norman Smiley (Hardcore
Match)
The Big Wiggle is back! Call me crazy. Call me insane. But, man, I miss
Norman Smiley. The guy was a laugh riot and because of that even some of
the lame matches he was involved in were still entertaining. Smiley comes
out dressed like a basketball player in this one. Lawler says that while
Devon Storm claims to "listen to the voices in his head", he himself
listens to "the voices in his pants". Heh. Heh. Norman busts Storm open.
Storm launches into some wonderfully resourceful offence which makes you
wonder why the WWF hasn't used him as a replacement for Mick Foley. He
suicide splashes Smiley from inside the ring while Norman lays on a table
outside the ring. He mule kicks his way out of the Big Wiggle and for the
finale, he puts Smiley on two tables and splashes him from high atop the
scaffolding at the entrance way. Wow! Smiley, however, rolls on top of an
injured Storm to pin him.
Winner: Norman Smiley at 9
minutes and 54 seconds.
Match Rating: 7 / 10.
The production assistant brings Disco Inferno two people dressed as the
Bananas and Pajamas characters. He thought Disco said "two fruits" instead
of "two suits". Yuk. Yuk. With Stevie Ray interviewing him, Bret Hart says
that Juvie can't continue in the tournament because of his injured ribs and
announces that anyone who works for the WWA (cameramen, referees, popcorn
vendors, bus drivers) can join the battle royal. Stevie Ray puts down his
mike and accepts the offer to "kick some ass".
Battle Royal (First round match in the WWA World Heavyweight Title
tournament)
Buff Bagwell, Disco Inferno, two referees, a cameraman, a Starlette
dancer, Jerry Lawler, Lawler's broadcast partner, Norman Smiley, Devon
Storm and even the Bananas And Pajamas clones join in. Lawler is attacked
by the Starlette, flips her to the mat and starts trying to make out with
her. Lawler does the Big Wiggle on Smiley. Disco reveals his new move...The
Village People Elbow. The only difference between his and The Rock's move
is that Disco spells out "YMCA" before commencing with it. The Bananas And
Pajamas clones put Disco out. Bagwell throws them out.
Winner: Buff Bagwell at 6 minutes and 15 seconds.
Match Rating: 0 / 10.
Jeff Jarrett versus Nathan Jones (Guitar On A Pole Match, First round
match in the WWA World Heavyweight Title tournament)
Jarrett gets thrown around like a ping pong ball until Jones makes a
fatal mistake in trying to retrieve the guitar. Jarrett low-blows him,
breaks the guitar over Jones' talk show manager's head and Strokes him for
the victory.
Winner: Jeff Jarrett at 4 minutes and 7 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
Lawler holds a King's Court interview segment in the ring. He invites
the Bananas And Pajamas clones to join him. No matter how much he prods,
they won't reveal their identities. Lenny and Lodi show up to cause
trouble. Bret Hart emerges and asks the "two fruits" to leave the ring.
Lawler asks...Which two fruits? Hardy-har-har. And so the "gay humour"
begins. Hart announces that with Juvie injured, Lenny and Lodi will take on
Road Dogg in a Triple Threat match.
Lenny versus Lodi versus Road Dogg (Second round match in the WWA
World Heavyweight Title tournament)
Lenny and Lodi keep interrupting each other's pins. Mucho "gay humour"
here with both of them ending up in...hmmm...shall we say...compromising
positions. When Lenny and Lodi botch a move and fall on top of each other,
Road Dogg pins them both.
Winner: The Road Dogg at 3 minutes and 56 seconds.
Match Rating: 3 / 10.
"Straight Shooting" Stevie Ray interviews Buff Bagwell. Bagwell says
that his match with Jarrett with have a stipulation of puppies and whips.
Ray is as confused as we are and not because Buff Bagwell is on another
wrestling pay-per-view either. Puppies? Whips? What could it all mean?
Buff Bagwell versus Jeff Jarrett (Lumberjack, Second round match in
the WWA World Heavyweight Title tournament)
Buff brings out the Starlettes with him. Each has a whip. They surround
the ring to act as "lumberjacks". Each time Jarrett is thrown out, the
women whip him. Each time Buff is tossed out, they fawn all over him. In a
funny moment, even the ref gets whipped. When he hightails it out of there,
Buff hits the Blockbuster on Jarrett. A Starlette counts the pinfall. The
ref nixes that decision and returns to the ring. Jarrett Strokes a
distracted Bagwell for the win.
Winner: Jeff Jarrett at 4 minutes and 5 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
Luna Vachon gives an almost incomprehensible interview backstage.
Something about coming to Australia to renew her vows with Vampire Warrior
(Gangrel in the WWF) and how he has disgraced her by losing all of his
matches. Throw in a couple of growls, snorts and groans in there and you
can pretty much get the gist of the promo.
Luna Vachon versus Vampire Warrior (Black Wedding Match)
Luna attacks Warrior. Warrior pleads with her to stop. Luna crunches
his "family jewels" with a pair of kitchen tongs and beats him over the
head with a cookie sheet. Lawler says...If you are married to Luna you
better not ever be late for dinner. Heh. Heh. When Luna throws her wedding
ring at Warrior and spits on him, it is the last straw. Warrior DDT's her.
She is out cold.
Winner: The Vampire Warrior at 2 minutes and 26 seconds.
Match Rating: 0 / 10.
The Starlettes come out to dance again (...or whatever it is they are
doing). Disco (like us) has had enough. He orders them to leave. He enters
the steel cage and demands that the Bananas And Pajamas clones come on
down! After being thrown into the cage and having his head smacked into the
cage door, Disco tosses one of the clones off the top of the cage. Man,
that Disco is evil...I tell you...evil! How could he do that to the heroes
of children everyone. You can bet he is going straight to hell.
Jeff Jarrett versus Road Dogg (Steel Cage Match, Second round match
in the WWA World Heavyweight Title tournament
Winner: ...and the new WWA World Heavyweight Champion...Jeff Jarrett
at 10 minutes and 26 seconds.
Match Rating: 7 / 10.
Total Event Time: 2 hours.
Overall Event Rating: 3 / 10.
