SLAM! wrestling glossary

By JOHN POWELL -- For SLAM! Wrestling

A short time ago we ran an off-the-wall editorial poking fun at wrestling cliches. We supplied ours and wanted to hear what ideas you -- the readers -- had. We've got a huge response in return. Picking through the submissions, we selected the ones we thought showed the most originality and creativity and added them to our own list as a static page on SLAM! Wrestling. Thanks to everyone who participated! Check these definitions and have a few chuckles on us. You can send in your suggestions here.

Wrestling glossary -- original list

Stealth Trunks: No matter how tight a pair of wrestling trunks are they will perfectly conceal any foreign object (a chain, brass knuckles) from the referee.

Powderus Dangerous: A handful of Talcum Powder is completely harmless unless it is thrown into the eyes of a wrestler at which time it miraculously gains the same properties as a can of mace.

The Hulk Hogan Regeneration Rule: No matter how much damage has been done to a throwback face wrestler, if the crowd claps and cheers loud and long enough said wrestler will be re-energized so that a comeback is possible. Most commonly characterized by uncontrollable, violent shaking.

You Win Some, You Lose Some Rule: If a title change at a house show is not taped by a production crew, it never happened.

The Hometown Principle: Any wrestler cutting a promo before a match that directly insults the hometown hosting the event will most likely lose the forthcoming bout.

Gongus Wrongus: A post-match assault will always continue no matter many times the ring bell is struck to indicate the match is officially over.

Bruce Lee Syndrome:: Most Asian wrestlers on North American television are portrayed as knowing basic martial arts moves just because of their heritage.

The Better Late Than Never Rule: Any main event wrestler shown arriving late at the arena during a pay-per-view or other such televised broadcast will never be hassled by management for their tardiness.

The Siren Rule: Referees and wrestlers alike will automatically be distracted if an attractive woman climbs onto the ring apron.

The Dot Com, Concession Stand Principle: If a promotion's Internet worktable or a concession stand is displayed as unmanned, it will be destroyed during a subsequent hardcore or No DQ match.

The Killer Climb Rule: A wrestler who takes their time climbing to the top rope will: 1. Be crotched. 2. Miss their high-risk move. 3. Have a move done to them from the top rope.

Meeting Of The Minds Syndrome: Whenever a manager and a wrestler have a longer than usual discussion outside the ring, their heads will be slammed together by the opposition.

Wrestling glossary -- reader submissions

Extremus Deafus: The inability of anyone involved in a match to hear the enterance music of their enemy being played over the PA system until they actually get involved in a match (works also for referees). - JPereiraiv@aol.com.

Politeness : This act is known as the care and concern a wrestler shows to his opponent by carefully removing all television monitors from the announce table before planting that same person through it immediately afterwards. - JPereiraiv@aol.com.

The Pacific Island Coconut Rule : All wrestlers from any of the Pacific Islands (Tonga, Samoa, Fiji, etc.) have extremely hard heads. - Lawrence_Sherrod@thompson.com.

The Spot Shuffle :When a wrestler staggers into position to allow his opponent to execute a maneuver. - Lawrence_Sherrod@thompson.com.

Terri Runnels Syndrome :If matched with this Diva (or others) it is a sign that you carrer is over as you need her to get over with the fans. - tcummings13@home.com.

The Flub Cover-Up:Any poorly performed move will be called a "variation" by the announcers. - Iceman4782@aol.com.

The Third-Person Virus:Any wrestler who becomes a main eventer will become infected with a disease that causes him/her to refer to him/herself in third person at least once in every interview. In special cases, this is called "It Doesn't Matter What My Name Is" Syndrome in honor of the first wrestler first diagnosed with this cruel disease. - Iceman4782@aol.com.

Circumstantial Evidence Rule:A shattered guitar or other such object around a prone wrestler is no indication of any foul play. - edna666@hotmail.com.

Double Indemnity Moves:Punches and kicks which seem to do little damage throughout the course of a match seem to hurt that much more and are always able to disorient or render an opponent motionless when delivered right before a particularly silly finishing move (ie., the worm or the people's elbow). - Jason@captus.com.