SLAM! Wrestling Editorial: A glossary of some new wrestling terms
By JOHN POWELL -- SLAM! Wrestling
As a part-time film critic for approximately 12 years, I have tried my best
to follow the shining examples set forth for me by such icons as Roger
Ebert, Gene Siskel, Joe Bob Briggs, Jay Scott, Dr. Cyclops and The Phantom
Of The Movies. Some of these names may not be familiar to you and that's
okay. Take it from me. Each of these men shunned traditional film critiques
-- which read like snobbish consumer reports -- opting to veer off the beaten
path and created an art form based on a foundation of educated insights,
razor-sharp humour and most importantly, an air of commonality.
What the heck has this go to do with professional wrestling you say? Well,
this time out, I have decided to deviate from our traditional rants found
in our editorials and have a little fun instead. A fascinating aspect of what
Roger Ebert has done over the years is include an amusing Glossary of Movie
Terms in his yearly Movie Home Companions that pokes fun at film clichés.
So, with full credit to Mr. Ebert, here is our Glossary Of Wrestling Terms
presented for your enjoyment. When you are done reading it we encourage you
to send in your own ideas too so that we can make this a separate, archived
supplement on SLAM! Wrestling.
Stealth Trunks: No matter how tight a pair of wrestling trunks are they will perfectly
conceal any foreign object (a chain, brass knuckles) from the referee.
Powderus Dangerous: A handful of Talcum Powder is completely harmless unless it is thrown into
the eyes of a wrestler at which time it miraculously gains the same
properties as a can of mace.
The Hulk Hogan Regeneration Rule: No matter how much damage has been done to a throwback face wrestler, if
the crowd claps and cheers loud and long enough said wrestler will be
re-energized so that a comeback is possible. Most commonly characterized by
uncontrollable, violent shaking.
You Win Some, You Lose Some Rule: If a title change at a house show is not taped by a production crew, it
never happened.
The Hometown Principle: Any wrestler cutting a promo before a match that directly insults the
hometown hosting the event will most likely lose the forthcoming bout.
Gongus Wrongus: A post-match assault will always continue no matter many times the ring
bell is struck to indicate the match is officially over.
Bruce Lee Syndrome:: Most Asian wrestlers on North American television are portrayed as knowing
basic martial arts moves just because of their heritage.
The Better Late Than Never Rule: Any main event wrestler shown arriving late at the arena during a
pay-per-view or other such televised broadcast will never be hassled by
management for their tardiness.
The Siren Rule: Referees and wrestlers alike will automatically be distracted if an
attractive woman climbs onto the ring apron.
The Dot Com, Concession Stand Principle: If a promotion's Internet worktable or a concession stand is displayed as
unmanned, it will be destroyed during a subsequent hardcore or No DQ match.
The Killer Climb Rule: A wrestler who takes their time climbing to the top rope will: 1. Be
crotched. 2. Miss their high-risk move. 3. Have a move done to them from
the top rope.
Meeting Of The Minds Syndrome: Whenever a manager and a wrestler have a longer than usual discussion
outside the ring, their heads will be slammed together by the opposition.
Send in your suggestions here.
