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  June 22, 2000



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READER ALERT: For all the latest wrestling happenings, check out our News & Rumours section.

SLAM! Wrestling Editorial: Money for nothing
By JOHN POWELL -- SLAM! Wrestling

Except for the occasional snide remark here and there, we at SLAM! Wrestling stay pretty neutral when it comes to reporting on the three main federations and their talent. Though everyone has their favourites, we closely monitor our coverage. The guidance we give each other and the comments sent to us by our dedicated readers keeps us in check. Often these criticisms act as little nudges in the right direction, putting us back on the right path from which we have wandered astray. Fairness is something we try very hard to maintain.

SLAM! Wrestling all too often shouts the praises of our wrestling idols. The hard workers. The amazing athletes. The charming personalities. What about the rest, I say? Don't they deserve to be recognized as well? With this editorial, I hope to correct that situation. To right a great wrong. To make up for our past mistakes. The lazy, the boring and the inept deserve their time in the spotlight too! And by God, they shall have it in my list below of the worst personalities in wrestling today.

So, here's to you o' lamest of the lame. May your wrestling duds shrink in the wash. May you always miss your flight. May you be made to join the new and improved Dungeon Of Doom. May you wake up one day, find another line of work and fill my heart full of joy, joy, joy.

Jack Victory

Jack Victory In case you are wondering, the big "V" on his chest is for "vacation" which is what this guy should be on as he does next to nothing anyway. A run-in specialist with all the personality of a crumpled beer can, Jack Victory should be put to real work so he can earn his keep. Have him pour beer at the concession stands, set-up and dismantle the ring or hock programs outside the arenas. Then he would have a reason for being on the payroll for crying out loud.

Stephanie McMahon

Stephanie McMahon If you had a lovely daughter would you write her into a storyline in which she was drugged, forced to marry someone and then imply she was sexually assaulted? Remember, this is YOUR daughter we are talking about not some everyday employee. Sure, it is just make-believe but you really have to challenge the moral fibre of anyone who holds the final say on the scripts and still approves of their daughter being written into such an angle. My feelings on Vinnie Mac's decision as a father aside, Stephanie, herself, has proved she doesn't belong in front of the camera. For one, she's got just two facial expressions. The first is that sickening "little girl" pout she does. The second is that annoying smirk, which is her trademark. She can't act. She can't wrestle. Yet, she holds the WWF Women's Heavyweight Championship when Ivory, Lita and Jackie are there to call upon. Go figure.

Mark Madden

By no means is his first name a coincidence. WCW let their biggest shill take a seat at the announcer's desk and in that time the quality of their already weak broadcast team has sunk lower than Berlyn's push. They give this overbearing loudmouth a forum to act as a low-rent Bobby Heenan and they relegate the insightful Mike Tenay to conducting backstage interviews? What's up with that? Everything that comes out of Madden's mouth seems forced and contrived. His overzealous sells on the mike are embarrassing to the point of ruining the flow of whatever broadcast he's on. All that's missing are the pompoms. Where's Tank Abbott when you really need him?

Tank Abbott

Speaking of Tank, that waste of space has engaged in some of the worst matches WCW has put on in years. Punching and kicking are his forte. A wrestling move is as foreign a concept to him as professional dental work. He can't cut a promo to save his life. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Let Tank beat up Mark Madden some more then show him the door back to Ultimate Tough Guy Streetfighting or wherever the heck it is he came from. So long and good riddance.

The Kat, Major Gunns, Elektra, Torrie Wilson

They are over because they showed some skin. Big deal. Anyone can do that. Say what you want, at least the Nitro Girls break a sweat during their dance routines. Dawn Marie, Francine, Terri, Tammy Lynn Stych and Elizabeth run good interference while Tori and Daffney can 'wrestle' somewhat. The Kat, Major Gunns, Elektra and Torrie haven't established that they can do anything but look good. Whoopie.

Kevin Nash

Kevin Nash Big Lazy is like an automatic car. He's totally shiftless. Getting away with doing as little as he possibly can, Nash's work rate is slightly above that of what Bret Hart's has been the last few months. If you look beyond the dopey grin and witty remarks, he hasn't much to contribute. He's one of those wrestlers who learned a handful of basic moves and has coasted by on them ever since, never desiring to improve himself as a performer. Routinely, he relies on other more talented wrestlers to carry him in the ring. He hasn't has a great singles match in decades. Enough is enough. Vote him off the "island" to paddle home in a dingy.

Horace Hogan, Jerry Flynn, Major Stash, Prince Albert

Okay. When are these four guys going to have that "break out" moment again? They've had their chance to show that they can carry the ball. They fumbled it. It's time to bench this foursome...permanently.


Reader Feedback

  • June 15:Tsuruta the best ever from Japan


  • Dear Mr. Molinaro
    I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your fine editorial on the impact of Misawa's departure from All Japan. Although there admittedly are few AJPW fans on this continent, those of us that do look to the Far East for are fix of real wrestling (as opposed to the drivel that McMahon & Co. promote as "sports entertainment") are always grateful to have a thoughtful and articulate voice such as yours speak on the subject. I'd like to think that if more people could experience the All Japan product, they'd finally realize how silly the Worm and G.I. Bro and other such North American crap really is.
    My friends never fail to be amazed when I show them the incredible bumps that All Japan's fine competitors take every time they enter the ring. Moves like Misawa's Tiger Driver '91, Kobashi's Burning Hammer and Kawada's brainbuster simply put to shame the phoney-looking punches and kicks that get served up every Monday night in Canada and the U.S. I am sad, for reasons of tradition and sentimentality, to see AJPW fall apart but I hope that Misawa can take his fellow defectors and create a promotion that can take wrestling to an all new level. Hopefully, those staying in AJPW will realize that they're on a sinking ship and get out before it's too late. I'm particularly sorry to see that Kawada's staying on. What a shame it would be if we never again have the good fortune to enjoy another classic Misawa-Kawada match-up.
    Well, I've ranted enough. Thanks again for the excellent work. It's always a pleasure visiting the SLAM! Wrestling website and your columns always make for an informative read.
    Cheers!

    James Charlton

    I might disagree with one thing you said: you compared the Misawa defection to Flair in 1991 or Hogan in 1994. I don't think he meant as much to All Japan, in fact, he meant far more than either Flair or Hogan ever could (well, admittedly Flair comes close). The number of quality wrestlers leaving in his wake is evidence enough of that, this is the undisputed wrestling story of the year thus far and I can only imagine the implications.

    BMN

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