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  August 30, 1997



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Nothing but pretenders
By BRET "THE HIT MAN" HART -- For the Calgary Sun

  I never thought that, at 40, I'd still be out here.

 I didn't say so in an interview for the world to hear, but I'd told myself for years that, at 40, I'd retire -- make up for lost time with my kids; do stuff that I had to keep putting off for a time when I'd have time.

 So I'm in Albuquerque airport, on my way home with a bump on my head, a brace on my leg and the world title in my bag -- and I'm thinking ... thinking 'bout how I got here for another go-round. How ironic it is that a lot of it had to do with Shawn Michaels.

 I'll bet it made him nuts to count the one-two-three that made me five-time World Champion, but that's not where I'm going with this.

 Actually, I'd hoped Michaels could carry the torch so I could stop running. Scary thing is, I can't see a guy to hand it off to who can finish the race with his head held high, so I just keep going and going ... like the battery bunny.

 It was sobering to realize that the two big territories felt the same way, otherwise now I'd have a gold watch instead of the gold belt. Enough introspection for one column. My friends say I'm "dangerous" when I get this way. Yikes, I'm starting to remind myself of my father! I hope my grandkids are patient with my stories ...

 I guess you want me to talk about wrestling, huh? Isn't that really what I've been talking about? I've been stalling because that brings me to Brian Pillman in a dress.

 What's the story? Pillman's contract clearly states that if he lost at SummerSlam he would wear a dress one time on Raw the next night. He did. That should be the end of it. How does Commissioner Sergeant Slaughter have the right to mandate that Pillman will be suspended if he doesn't continue to wear a dress until he wins on Raw? I think Brian has one heck of a law suit there.

 Besides, some of the unhitched and road-weary guys are starting to think Brian looks better in a dress than the current crop of groupies, much to Brian's terror!

 I thought Kevin Kelly was the squarest commentator in the WWF but he's turning out to be the coolest! Risking reprisal from his fellow Americans, Kelly says I'm the best WWF Champion of all time but adds that I'm worried about my match with Vader on Raw this Monday. Worried? Dam right I am! Vader is the meanest 458-lb. monster to come out of the mountains since Homer Simpson was mistaken for Bigfoot!

 Did anyone notice that it was Vader who jumped Patriot from behind after their match was over? The Americans sure didn't! They cheered Vader on. Hey, wait a minute, they cheered for Patriot all through the match and then they cheered for Vader when he jumped the guy from behind after the match!

 Who is their hero -- Vader or Patriot? I respected Vader enough that I didn't interfere in his business. I waited until the match was over to drape the Canadian flag over Patriot.

 I thought the Patriot might get the message that, with Vader jumping him from behind and the Americans cheering Vader on, that he's been blinded by that mask for too long!

 On Sept. 7 at Ground Zero, Del Wilkes, The Patriot, is going to find out that he's just like the Patriot missal, he's got nothing inside!

 I don't know what Big Vader's problem is but this Monday night, on Raw, The Hitman is going to show Vader that he's just another name on a list of Americans I'm flushing down the toilet. I just hope that big tub of goo, doesn't plug up the bowl! (Sorry mom.)

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