CANOE Network SLAM!Sports

 
SLAM! Sports SLAM! Wrestling
  January 23, 1999



News & Rumours
Bios
Obits
Canadian Hall of Fame
WrestleMania 30
WrestleMania 30 photos
Video
Movie Database
Minority Mat Report
Columnists
Features
Results Archive
PPV Reviews
SLAM! Wrestling store
On Facebook
On Twitter
Send Feedback




Photo Galleries

Raw in Miami


Tragos/Thesz Hall of Fame inductions


WWE Battleground


ROH in Detroit


Smackdown & Main Event in Ottawa


Raw in Montreal


WWE in Kingston







SCOREBOARD
PHOTO GALLERY
VIDEO GALLERY
COMMENT




READER ALERT: For all the latest wrestling happenings, check out our News & Rumours section.

NOTE: SLAM! Sports has the exclusive rights to publish this column on the Internet. You may link to this column, but a copy cannot exist on any other Web site. It also CANNOT be posted on newsgroups or newsboards.
Feel free to use the this button on your site to link to Bret's column.
Link to:
http://www.canoe.ca/SlamWrestling/hitman_home.html.
Check out our Bret Hart photo gallery!.

Let's tell some tall tales
By BRET "The Hitman" HART -- For The Calgary Sun
  Stop the presses. I've got really big news this week.

 I'm in the middle of a nasty battle with the WCW office. It seems that Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Kevin Nash are plotting to keep me off Nitro.

 It all started when Dallas Paige found out that I just broke up with Kimberly and that's why Scott Steiner's got her now.

 Eric Bischoff stabbed me in the back. I'm getting out of my contract with WCW and have been in closed-door negotiations with Vince McMahon, arranged by my brother, Owen.

 If that doesn't work out, I've decided to quit wrestling, move out of Calgary, and open a secluded retreat for all kinds of unappreciated artists, hidden away in the back hills of Montana, where I can strategize my political career. I'm flattered that Jesse Ventura is considering me to be his governor general but I'm leaning more towards being prime minister. (As a dual citizen, I can go either way.)

 As usual, news of these monumental occurrences has been ferreted out by sleuthing fans. It's already started to leak out, first on the Internet, then the hotlines and the newsletters. In a couple of weeks, there'll be a new documentary crew following me around -- part two.

 I want to thank all you concerned fans from around the world from the bottom of my heart for your letters offering me advice on what to do in these turbulent times. Thank you for your cards with happy rhymes and inspirational verses assuring me that all will be well.

 And while all of this is huge news, it's all news to me.

 The only place I've heard anything about any of this is in my fan mail.

 Once again, your mysterious reliable sources aren't so reliable after all.

 To think, this whole thing started just because I haven't been on Nitro for a few weeks. Next thing you know, the rumour mill is working overtime, as usual. Folks, like I told you, I had a major groin injury and I've been off to let it heal. That's all. That's it. Sorry if that doesn't make mega-monster headlines.

 I'll be back soon, maybe as soon as this week's Nitro.

 This weekend, I'm in Peoria, Ill. I've been there before. I spent a week there one day. This is all because a couple of WCW wrestlers called asking me for managerial advice. I'm encouraged because it may be the last salvation for the lost art of pro wrestling. There are only a handful of guys left who understand it and I hesitate to name them in a business with so many big, yet fragile egos.

 There are fewer fans who understand it, too. Like the ones who cheer for a guy on the receiving end of a whirley-twirley, upside-down backbreaker who gets right up. Or a guy who points to scars and bruises all over his body as trademarks that he's a great pro wrestler. Oh don't go and deluge me with mail defending your favourite -- what's the new lingo you like to use? -- 'hardcore' wrestler. I agree with you that they're great at what they do -- it's just that I'm not sure what it is they do.

 We were hardcore before the word existed, but we were still storytellers in the ring. Maybe that's why some fans feel the need to make up stories -- because all too many times these days the wrestlers don't do it for them.

 One guy who really does want to have a good ol' rasslin' match is Sting. I'm not aware of any gripe that Sting has with me because we realized how minor our differences were and we've long since buried the hatchet. But there it was, popping out of my fax machine, a contract offer to wrestle Sting. I signed it, thinking that all Sting wants is to have a great match but, now that I think about it, I wonder if that sly dog picked now to challenge me because he knows this groin tear is taking a long time to heal and I haven't been able to work out much. That's OK. I would do the same thing if the boot was on the other foot.

 Hey Sting, buddy, if you think I'm not going to be at 100% for our match, don't count on it.

 On my time off, I've finally had a chance to work on my book, the definitive 900-page epic on what wrestling really is. This week, Dateline NBC asks the same question. The show includes interviews by myself and Eric Bischoff. It'll be interesting to see what conclusions they draw.

 In a business where the truth is so much stranger than fiction, it's curious that people still feel the need to make up stories that are stranger still.

 Just remember, those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

 Relax, that's a joke. Get it?

More on Bret Hart




Know someone who might be interested in this page? Just type in their e-mail address to send them the URL.

Destination email address:


Your email address: