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The SmackDown! divas
There's Terri and Trish and let's not forget Lita

By STEVE TILLEY -- Edmonton Sun

Two of the SmackDown! divas to be sure, Lita and Terri (below) attracted plenty of attention last night at Skyreach Centre - and not just for their daring fashion sense. -- Perry Mah, Edmonton Sun
  • PHOTO GALLERY
  •   "Welcome back to ringside, ladies and gentlemen. Right now Mariah Carey has Shania Twain in her patented Warbling Choker Larynx Lock, and it doesn't look like that impresses Ms. Twain much. Meanwhile, Aretha Franklin is mounting the ropes preparing for a Super Reverse Double R-E-S-P-E-C-T Triple Hammer Drop on Celine Dion, and there she goes and OH! Celine's bony body has been snapped in half by Aretha's immensitude. Let's hope Celine's heart will go on, folks."

     Now that's what I call wrestling divas. The term has a different meaning to WWF fans though, one that conjures up not images of the ultimate episode of MTV Celebrity Deathmatch but those of spandex and leather and pulled hair and love triangles and, of course, puppies. Not the kind you find at the SPCA, either.

     You may or may not have noticed, but wrestling tends to be a guy thing. Which isn't to say there are no female wrestling fans, or no unwilling girlfriends who were dragged down to Skyreach Centre last night for the first ever taping of an episode of SmackDown! in our fair burg.

     But mainly, it's young, testosterone-addled guys. So in addition to the grappling giants in the squared circle, ya gotta have babes. Oh yes. Yes indeedy. The babes. The honeys. The divas.

     I'm not sure how exactly one goes about rating the divas, or even talking about them in any meaningful way. But dammit, it's my job to try.

     Terri and Trish Stratus were the first divas to make an appearance in the Sunday Night Heat pre-SmackDown! matches, and even though Trish's paramour Steve "The Lethal Weapon" Blackman (not the same guy as the Edmonton-born lawyer/TV producer, in case you were wondering) pinned Perry Saturn, you gotta give Terri credit. Credit for her girl-next-door white crop-top (if the girl next door has size 42DD breasts), the way she grabbed the Lethal Weapon at a crucial moment to throw him off and the fact she digs bald guys. As for Trish ... Trish is just so, I don't know, what's the word... OK, I do know the word, but we can't print it in a family paper.

     But then, a setback. When SmackDown! began in earnest and Hardcore and Crash Holly came out to fight the Dudley Boyz, we all thought Molly Holly would make an appearance. But not only was there no table action, there was no Molly! Well, except for some clips from last time, and Spike coming out and admitting he "really, really likes" Molly. C'mon! We can only watch sweaty men so much before we need to see some of the fairer sex!

     And what of the legendary Debra and her puppies? Well, we did get a glimpse of Debra, but those puppies must be full-grown Rottweilers by now. She's no spring chicken, that Debra.

     Luckily, the lovely Lita came out shortly after. There's something about a brunette in a sea of bottle blondes that's oddly attractive.

     And it had nothing to do with that hot pink bikini top. No way. Or her amazing ... tattoos. Nope. That Lita, she's a feisty one. Sigh.

     But really, that was about it for the fairer sex. Oh well. I mean, I have nothing against two guys bashing the hell out of each other with garbage cans and kitchen sinks, but it would have been nice to see a little more silicon among the sweat.

     Speaking of silicon, while Stephanie McMahon isn't a so-called diva, she's still one of my personal favourite female WWF figures. Sure, I liked her better when she was the innocent girl next door and not the billion-dollar princess, but there's something about real boobs that just lights a fire in my trunks.


     But if there was one true disappointment in the night, it was the lack of an appearance by Chyna, at least at the time of this scribbling. Yeah, sure, she's a big, scary, spine-snapping supa-mama, but she's cool. Chyna could lock her massive thighs around my heart and squeeze it any day.

     Sorry, Aretha, that doesn't apply to you too.

     No disrespect.

     SMACKDOWN! STUNNERS

     1. Hometown hero Chris Benoit reciting the storied history of the Coliseum - er, Skyreach Centre when challenging Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin. I tells ya, it brought a tear to my eye.

     2. Edge taking digs at Edmonton weather and women, moments before earning a well-deserved beating by Kane. Well, c'mon, you gotta admit he's right about the weather part.

     3. Trish Stratus chasing Terri around the outside of the ring. If only she'd been just a little bit faster.

    More Edmonton Smackdown! stories

  • May 30: The McMahons are on both sides of ring
  • May 30: Home-town welcome for Benoit
  • PHOTO GALLERY


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