Mailman doesn't deliver a win
Click above for the Bash At The Beach '98 video clips.
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By JOHN POWELL -- SLAM!
Sports
If there is any lesson to be learned from the WCW / nWo Bash At The
Beach 98' pay-per-view it is that not just any Joe Bob off the street can
step through the ropes and become a convincing pro-wrestler. Sports
superstars Karl Malone (NBA's Utah Jazz), Dennis Rodman (NBA's Chicago
Bulls) and Kevin Greene (NFL's Panthers) are undeniably superb athletes but
in the squared circle, they are rookies unable to take sophisticated bumps,
execute complicated maneuvers or gauge the mood of the crowd.
What then is a poor booker to do? Stage slow-paced uncomplicated bouts
which put the focus on personality not performance.
Basketball phenom and all around good guy, Karl Malone, took a Chicago Bull
by the horns and got speared again at the Bash held in sunny San Diego, CA.
Supplying the back-up for working man's champion Diamond Dallas Page in a
special tag match versus Hollywood Hogan and Dennis "The Worm" Rodman;
Malone went toe to toe with Rodman renewing their bitter feud which ran
throughout the NBA finals. The playing field was different, the result the
same as Malone's team went down to a humbling defeat.
Rudimentary headlocks, slams and clotheslines chewing up the dull 23 minute
match time had the unenthusiastic crowd in attendance dispensing the
"b-o-r-i-n-g" chants at regular intervals. What should've been a huge pop
as a battered and bruised DDP hot-tagged Malone, got a less than spirited
reaction. Malone hopped over top rope clotheslining Hogan and Rodman twice
then individually slammed them. Grabbing them up off the mat by the scruff
of their necks, Malone bonked their heads together.
As the nWo Hollywood tag team each received a Diamond Cutter, The Disciple
snuck into the ring and stunned DDP with The Apocalypse. Hogan covered DDP
for the pin. A frustrated Malone Diamond Cut The Disciple and the referee
as Rodman and Hogan partied with the other nWo Hollywood members outside
the ring.
Living out his boyhood dream tonight, Karl Malone exhibited a level of
enthusiasm that would've had some veteran grapplers lurking backstage
turning green with envy. The same applies to NBA bad boy Dennis Rodman who
of the three sports stars, has the most promising future as a pro-wrestler.
If the NBA lock-out does slam dunk this year's b-ball season, Malone and
Rodman (with some serious Power Plant training) could be entertaining
assets to World Championship Wrestling.
At least they can sell a move which is more than can be said of the
reigning WCW World Champion Bill Goldberg headlining the first of the two
Bash At The Beach main events. Either the no-pain reaction is Goldberg's
gimmick or he just doesn't fully understand the unspoken rule of making
your opponent look good as a sign of respect and professionalism.
Clocking in at a scant three minutes and eleven seconds, Goldberg's match
against experienced nWo challenger Curt Hennig (minus sidekick Rick Rude)
was short and none too sweet. Hennig was able to deliver some punishment to
Goldberg's knee via a knee breaker and a Hennig-Plex which the WCW champ
kicked out of. The typical Goldberg ending of a football tackle (The Spear)
followed by a Jack Hammer slam put Hennig away.
The next WCW / nWo pay-per-view is
Road Wild on August 8th.
WCW Bash At The Beach '98 Results
Raven Vs Saturn
: Energized match from two of wrestling's best workers foiled by a
confounding ending.
: Saturn is wearing real wrestling trunks and not jeans.
: Saturn places Raven on a table standing another table over him. As he is
about to land the plancha from the top rope but Kanyon saves Raven?!?!?
Saturn crashes through both tables. Kanyon Flatlines Raven in the ring.
Saturn Death Valley Drivers Riggs. Raven Evenflows Saturn for the 1-2-3.
Winner:
Raven at 10 minutes and 38 seconds.
Match Rating: 6 / 10.
Kidman Vs Juvie
: Unexpected lively match with Kidman and Juvie performing some amazing
moves.
: At 9:33, Kidman misses the Seven Year Itch. Juvie lands the 4-50 splash.
Winner:
At 9 minutes and 54 seconds, Juvie.
Match Rating: 8 / 10.
Stevie Ray Vs Chavo Guerrero
: Chavo enters wearing a blow-up pool toy around his waist and firing a
water gun.
: Eddie comes out scissors in hand.
: Chavo really puts on a hilarious display mocking Stevie Ray. He dedicates
the match to Uncle Eddie.
: Stevie Ray and Chavo are in a knuckle lock. Chavo purposely submits
throwing the match in grand style. Stevie is ticked leaving the ring.
Winner:
In 1 minute and 48 seconds, Stevie Ray.
Match Rating: 1 / 10.
Chavo Guerrero Vs Eddie Guerrero (Hair Cut Match)
: Chavo cleverly jokes around again at one point biting Eddie's butt. Chavo
has found his gimmick playing the goofy, psychotic clown.
: Chavo tried the Frog Splash on Eddie. Eddie puts both knees up. Eddie
hits the Tornado DDT on Chavo. Chavo kicks out. Chavo goes for the
scissors. As the ref attempts to take the scissors from Chavo, Eddie rolls
him up. Chavo starts going postal so Eddie departs not wanting to deal with
him in that state. Chavo sits in the middle of the ring shaving his own
head...and doing a pretty good job at that.
Winner:
Eddie Guerrero at 11 minutes and 54 seconds.
Match Rating: 4 / 10.
Disco Inferno Vs Konnan
: A special added match used as an excuse to bring out the nWo Wolf Pack.
: Nash and Luger accompany Konnan to the ring. Alex Wright is with Disco.
: Wright attacks Konnan outside the ring. Luger racks Wright. As the ref
admonishes Luger, Nash ducks in and puts the Jack Knife Power Bomb on
Disco. Konnan is victorious.
Winner:
Konnan at 2 minutes and 12 seconds.
Match Rating: 1 / 10.
The Giant Vs Kevin Greene
: Are they really considering having Greene join the Horsemen? His
multitude of miscues in this match are so embarrassing that the crowd is
rooting for The Giant.
: Greene goes for the football tackle from across the ring. The Giant
catches him in a Chokeslam.
Winner:
The Giant at 6 minutes and 26 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
Chris Jericho (champion) Vs Rey Mysterio Jr. (challenger)
(Cruiserweight Title Match)
: Jericho comes out with a cane and hat willing to do a dance routine in
the place of a match. What a guy!
: Joe Joe Dillon screws Jericho again by saying he has a "local indie"
wrestler who "hasn't wrestled in six months" as competition for a
unscheduled No DQ title match.
: Jericho accepts replying..."Bring in this jobber right now. Chris Jericho
equals buy rate!". Bah. Ha. Ha. Love him or hate him. Jericho slays the
mike.
: Surprise. Surprise. Rey Mysterio Jr. is the challenger! The ensuing match
isn't even close to their high-octane encounters in the past. Battling on
the Bash's beach display, Mysterio does a Hurracanrana off a life guard
post.
: Malenko appears at 5:47. Jericho sets-up the Lion Tamer. Mysterio rolls
through and pins Jericho.
: Malenko chases Jericho to the back where Arn Anderson foils Jericho's
escape!
: Malenko rams Jericho's head into a WCW equipment truck.
Winner:
...and new WCW Cruiserweight Champion...Rey Mysterio Jr. at 5
minutes and 39 seconds
.
Match Rating: 6 / 10.
Bret Hart (challenger) Vs Booker T. (champion) (Television Title
Match)
: Hart gets himself DQ'd by whacking Booker's knee with a steel chair then
executing his figure four around the steel post trick.
: Stevie Ray is slow to come to Booker's aid. He helps a limping Booker to
the back disgusted with his performance.
Winner:
...and still WCW Television Champion...Booker T. at 8 minutes
and 4 seconds
.
Match Rating: 6 / 10.
Curt Hennig (challenger) Vs Bill Goldberg (champion) (WCW World
Heavyweight Title Match)
Winner:
...and still WCW World Heavyweight Champion...Bill Goldberg at 3
minutes and 51 seconds
.
Match Rating: 1 / 10.
Diamond Dallas Page / Karl Malone Vs Hollywood Hogan / Dennis
Rodman
Winners:
Hollywood Hogan / Dennis Rodman at 23 minutes and 46 seconds
.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
Total Event Time: 2 hours and 40 minutes.
Overall Event Rating:
4 / 10.
