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Wrestlemania. Wrestling's Super Bowl. The granddaddy of 'em all. No longer does it need Cyndi Lauper. Or Mr. T. Or Liberace.
It's grown and grown. Into an extravaganza with plenty of pomp and plenty of circumstance.
It's a night where legends are born and champions made and broken.
And tonight's the tonight. So let's get ready to rumble.
Here's a rundown of what to expect from tonight's pay-per-view, which begins at 7 p.m. I repeat, 7 p.m.!
THE ANIMAL vs. THE GAME, aka The Cerebral Assassin.
Batista's time is near ... maybe it's tonight. There's no question the fans want to see a title change. I keep flip-flopping on this. On one hand, I want Batista to win ... but on the other, I see this feud being extended until Summer Slam. The sledgehammer or another outside influence could be the difference.
And the winner is ... Triple H
JBL vs. JOHN CENA
JBL's gone from one of the APA beer guzzlers to a world champion. But this isn't any chump he's facing. It's rapmaster John Cena, a fan favourite.
And the winner is ... John Cena
REY MYSTERIO vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
Battle of the tag-team partners. Could be a highlight. I can't see how this ends with anything but a heel swerve by Guerrero.
And the winner is ... Eddie Guerrero
THE BIG SHOW vs. AKEBONO
Please don't let the sumo guy beat The Big Show.
And the winner is ... The Big Show
THE UNDERTAKER vs. RANDY ORTON
Legend vs. Legend Killer. Orton's not spooked by The Deadman's 12-0 Wrestlemania record. He could get some help from his Hall-of-Fame dad Cowboy Bob Orton.
And the winner is ... Randy Orton
CHRIS BENOIT vs. CHRISTIAN vs. CHRIS JERICHO vs. KANE vs. EDGE vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN
(Money in the Bank Ladder Match, winner gets a title shot). So much on the line, with some of WWE's best workers going for broke. On paper, you'd have to go with Kane, but ...
And the winner is ... Chris Jericho
KURT ANGLE vs. SHAWN MICHAELS
You suck, you suck, you suck, you suck. No, not you ... Kurt Angle. Okay, he doesn't really suck either, but you can't help but singing along with his entrance music. This could have been a main event anywhere. Wow! The Olympic hero vs. The Heartbreak Kid.
And the winner is ... Kurt Angle
PIPER'S PIT: SPECIAL GUEST vs. STEVE AUSTIN
Rowdy Roddy and The Rattlesnake. I've got a sneaking suspicion that Muhammad Hassan will stick his nose into this and get a Stone Cold Stunner for his intrusion.
CHRISTY HEMME vs. TRISH STRATUS
Trish defends her women's title against WWE's Diva Search winner and Playboy's April Playmate. Christy whipped Trish in an arm-wrestling contest on RAW.
And the winner is ... Trish Stratus
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