April 5, 2013
Smackdown!: One long informercial for WWE Axxess and Wrestlemania XXIX
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
It's the last Smackdown! before Wrestlemania, so don't expect much in terms of wrestling. These shows are usually chock full of recaps and last ditch efforts to get you to buy the show. And according to the info screen on my TV, we are going to get to see WWE Axxess. Josh Matthews and Jerry Lawler call the action, while Michael Cole and JBL are live at Axxess.
Match #1 – Ryback vs. Primo and Epico w/ Rosa Mendes - Handicapped Match
Ryback picks up both men, hitting the Shell Shock, and winning this squash match.
Winner via pinfall: Ryback
Cole and JBL try to sell people of the WWE Axxess VIP package. You can see Mr. McMahon's office!
And here's the first recap of the night; we take a look back at Triple H's road back to face Brock Lesnar.
And after the commercial, we take a look back at one of the newest WWE Hall of Famers Bruno Sammartino.
And now a look at Fandango and his feud with Chris Jericho. I hope I'm not getting paid by the word here.
Missed Smackdown! last week? Well, the WWE has you covered as we watch The Shield brawl with Orton, Sheamus and The Big Show at the end of last Friday's show.
Finally, some action. The music for Tons of Funk hits, but it's the Bellas and Rhodes Scholars that hit the stage, impersonating the dancing tag team. Damien Sandow spoofed the team to illustrated the lunacy that is Tons of Funk. Sandow says that they don't even belong in the same ring as the Rhodes Scholars and leave the entertainment to the professionals. The real Tons of Funk hits the ring to take care of their doppelgangers. And here I thought we might be getting some kind of match.
Wow, this is like an infomercial for WWE Axxess and Wrestlemania 29.
And now we take a look at the Undertaker/CM Punk build up. Followed by the Rock and Cena feud for the WWE Title.
I haven't written anything in almost 30 minutes, so why even call this Smackdown! It's not even a glorified infomercial, it's just a plain infomercial. All we need is over the ear microphones for Cole and JBL to wear and a phone number to call to order. While I'm venting, just a heads up, Comcast is charging $70 for Wrestlemania, which is $15 more dollars then the WWE is asking for. SMH.
Renee Young interviews World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio on the floor of WWE Axxess. Del Rio says the politics don't matter, this match is about the Title and that's it.
Match #2 – Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter vs. Kofi Kingston
This isn't quite a squash match, but come one, Swagger isn't going to lose this, and Swagger isn't even in the building.
Swagger kicks out of the SOS, as Colter jumps onto the apron. The distraction allows Swagger to catch his breath and slap on the Ankle lock. Kofi taps out.
Winner via submission: Jack Swagger
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale won't be in New York or New Jersey this weekend, but he will be live tweeting Wrestlemania on Sunday. Follow him on Twitter @Dplummer627