Another Sunday, another Pay-Per-View. WWE trots out the still young New Year's Revolution from Kansas City, Missouri.
Last year's version boasted the Elimination Chamber, and a successful title defense by John Cena... though he later lost his belt anyway after Edge cashed in his "Money in the Bank" contract.
Well, Cena has his title on the line again, but Edge has his hands full with DX and no one has any money in the bank. Instead, the champ has to deal with a man that has not been pinned and has never submitted in a WWE ring, Umaga.
Cena took advantage of Umaga's over-aggressiveness early with a low bridge, spilling the big man to the floor. Estrada calmed down his man, and Umaga threw Cena over the top rope from the apron.
With the action back in the ring, Umaga took down the champ with a clothesline. Cena tried to answer with a charge, but ended up on the wrong end of a Samoan drop. Cena was knocked to the outside, again, where Umaga slammed him into the announce position. Back in the ring, Cena attempted a sunset flip, but couldn't get Umaga over. The Samoan tried to drop on Cena, but the champ rolled away.
Cena picked up Umaga, but couldn't hold him and dropped to the mat. Cena got caught in mid-air attempting a cross-body block, and Umaga nailed him with a sidewalk slam. The challenger covered, but Cena was able to get his foot on the ropes.
Cena responded with the Throwback, but Umaga jumped to his feet and countered with a spin kick. Umaga then climbed the ropes and dropped onto Cena twice. The champ got his knees up on third attempt, though. Cena tried for the F-U but fell under the weight of Umaga.
The big Samoan locked in a nerve hold, and when the champ broke free, he got floored by a clothesline. Umaga climbed the turnbuckle only to miss a flying spike. The champ tossed Umaga into the ring post and followed with the five-knuckle shuffle. On the outside, Estrada pleaded with Umaga not to turn around, but instead Umaga walked right into an F-U. Once again, the champ could not hold Umaga up.
Umaga took advantage with a belly-to-belly suplex. The champ was then hung in the tree of woe. Umaga nailed him with a diving head butt, and the champ slumped in the corner. Umaga charged the champ, but Cena countered with two knees to the face. Cena surprised Umaga with a cradle and got the pin to retain his title.
The next WWE pay-per-view is the Royal Rumble on January 28. That's right kids; it's only three weeks away, so save your pennies.
If you've been with us for the past few years, you know the drill by now. Nick?s comments will be in plain type with Dale?s remarks in italics.
Jeff Hardy (champion) vs. Johnny Nitro w/ Melina (challenger) - Intercontinental Title Match - Steel Cage
Hardy takes control in the early going, raining punches in the corner and using a swinging kick to the chest to get a near fall. Nitro gets in some offense before Hardy makes the first attempt for the door, though he is soundly thwarted. The champ soon finds himself trapped between the cage and the ropes, but he recovers to dropkick Nitro into the steel, leaving both men down. Nitro delivers a pair of big spots with a superplex and a Russian leg sweep off the top rope. Both men scale the same corner, where the challenger hits a sunset flip power bomb. Melina interferes from the outside, whipping her belt in Hardy's face, and her man scores with a springboard dropkick. A few moments later, Melina gets involved again, barring Hardy from going out the door while Nitro goes up and over the top of the cage. But the champ uses his head to prevail, dropkicking the door open and crotching Nitro on it in the process. All he has to do is roll out the door to retain his championship.
Winner ... and still Intercontinental Champion ... Jeff Hardy at 14 minutes and 49 seconds
Match Rating: 7/10
Todd Grisham interviews Rated RKO. Todd wants to know why things are so personal with DX. Edge says they formed just to take out DX, and tonight they are going to show them their run is over. Orton rambles on about what they did to DX, and that they are fighting for their livelihoods.
The Highlanders vs. World's Greatest Tag Team - Tag Team Turmoil Match - Number One Contender Match
Haas and Rory start things off. The Highlanders tag team Haas with a drop toehold and an elbow drop. The WGTT get back by double teaming Rory with the leap frog drop. Robbie gets the hot tag, hitting drop kicks on Haas and Benjamin. Robbie climbs the turnbuckle, but Haas rolls away. Benjamin jumps on the apron and nails Robbie with a superplex. Benjamin covers for the pin. The unusual team of Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Super Crazy comes out next.
If you would have told me three years ago that Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Super Crazy would be tag team partners in a WWE match in 2007, I would have laughed until Red Bull came out of my nose.
Super Crazy nails a drop kick on Haas. Crazy is whipped into the corner, and Benjamin nails him with a cheap shot. Haas combos a back suplex into a bridge and gets the pin. Cade and Murdoch are in next.
Benjamin is nailed with the atomic drop/big boot combo from Cade and Murdoch. Cade drops his partner on Benjamin. Haas gets a hot tag and takes outs Cade and Murdoch. Haas climbs the turnbuckle and nails Cade with a drop kick. Haas locks in a submission hold on Murdoch, but Cade makes the save off the turnbuckle, as the ref is distracted. Murdoch drapes an arm over Haas to get the win. Cryme Tyme is next.
JTG is choked in the corner; he fights out and rolls up Murdoch, but once again the ref is distracted (and the crowd is flat lining). Cade knocks Shad off the apron, then double teams JTG with a suplex. Shad still gets the tag, though, but a reverse elbow slows him down. JTG trips up Murdoch on the High-Low, and JTG jumps in and to help on the finisher. Shad covers Cade for the pin.
Winner ... Cryme Tyme at 19 minutes and 3 seconds.
Match Rating: 5/10
The Coach never misses a chance to kiss up to Vince McMahon, and he loves the chairman's idea to have Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell settle their differences with a match on Raw tomorrow night. Vince says he'll make it happen, but he's joking, right? Right? Coach continues to brown nose until Ron Simmons drops by to stop him with a single word: "Damn!"
Kenny Dykstra vs. Ric Flair
Dale's still under the impression that Lenny Dykstra spit his tobacco juice all over the screen the first time Kenny was introduced with his new last name. I'm thinking that's quite possible. Dykstra connects with a dropkick to open the festivities, but Flair takes charge with his trademark chops. The youngster responds by suplexing Flair on the floor, then returns to the ring to lock on a Boston Crab. Flair's rally is cut short when he's thrown off the top rope for the 103,725,248th time. A missile dropkick has Dykstra looking good, but Flair has enough left to use two chop blocks to set up the Figure Four. Kenny finally manages to escape, and he drops the Nature Boy with a low blow and rolls him up to get the duke.
Winner ... Kenny Dykstra at 10 minutes and 2 seconds.
Match Rating: 5.5/10
Nitro is in the trainer's room getting iced. He tells Melina to call Joey Mercury. Victoria runs into her and offers a partnership. Specifically, she wants Melina's help in winning the women's title.
Mickie James (champion) vs. Victoria (challengers) - WWE Women's Title Match
Victoria pushes Mickie to the mat. James with a monkey flip. Victoria locks in a side head lock. On the outside, Victoria drops Mickie on the security barrier. Back in the ring, Mickie is choked on the ropes, and then tossed across the ring by her hair. Victoria misses a standing moonsault, and Mickie fights back with right hands. A head scissors sends Victoria to the outside. Melina comes down to help, but gets slapped by Mickie. Melina grabs Mickie preventing the DDT. Victoria goes for the Widow's Peak, but Mickie counters and gets a near fall. Victoria goes for another Widow's Peak, but Mickie counters with a DDT to get the win.
WHAT YOU THINK
What did you think of New Year's Revolution?
It was great - 11%
It was okay - 19%
It was terrible - 16%
Didn't see it - 53%
During this match, Dale mentions yet again that he dislikes Candice Michelle because she is still living off her infamy from the GoDaddy.com Super Bowl ads. Or it might be because I used GoDaddy.com to squat on the domain rights for DalePlummer.com. Prepare to pay big buddy.
Winner ... and still Women's Champion ... Mickie James at 6 minutes and 49 seconds.
Match Rating: 3/10
Rated RKO (champion) vs. DX (Challenger) - World Tag Team Championship Match
Triple H and Shawn Michaels waste no time, taking the fight to the heels on the ramp. Edge gets suplexed back in from the crowd and backdropped on the metal; Randy Orton is tossed into the stairs, though he recovers and sends HBK into the ringpost when the match officially begins. Orton spends some time getting double teamed, then Triple H gets some of the same. Michaels gets the first hot tag of the match and drops an elbow on Edge, but Orton makes the save. Edge is backdropped out to the floor, and Michaels leaps out with a somersault plancha. Orton retaliates with a shot from his tag title belt, bloodying Shawn and making J.R. livid. Triple H makes the save back in the ring and the match continues. Edge's kick to the face puts HBK down, but he escapes an RKO and makes a hot tag to The Game. Trips clears the ring but appears to legitimately hurt his leg in the process, and it really looks injured when Orton delivers an awkward RKO. Michaels strikes out of nowhere with Sweet Chin Music, and Helmsley limps his way through a few more minutes of combat. Things take a strange turn when HBK clobbers the ref, then grabs a couple of steel chairs. DX nails their foes with numerous chair shots, and just about everyone is bleeding. That's not enough though - both announce tables are cleared. HHH tries to Pedigree Orton through one table, but it doesn't break. Michaels leaps from the top turnbuckle and drives Edge through the Spanish table with an elbow. Then, the match just ends. Nice match, strange ending. [Editor's note: WWE.com is reporting that HHH tore his right quadriceps.]
Match Rating: 7.5/10
The champ is here! Todd Grisham asks John Cena about his upcoming match with Umaga. The champ says he won't back down from the challenge and will fight like hell to keep his title.
Carlito w/Torrie vs. Chris Masters
Carlito gets air after a back body drop from Masters. Carlito hits a springboard moonsault but only gets a two count. Carlito reverses a Master Lock attempt, which Masters counters. Masters follows with a back breaker. Carlito leap frogs Masters, only to take a nasty clothesline. Carlito answers with a springboard back elbow and a running knee lift. Carlito tries a roll through, but Masters sits on him and gets the pin by grabbing the tights. After the bell, Masters slaps on the Master Lock.
Winner ... Chris Masters at 5 minutes and 56 seconds.
Match Rating: 5/10
John Cena (champion) vs. Umaga w. Armando Alejandro Estrada -- WWE Title Match
WHAT YOU THINK
Who will win at New Year's Revolution?
John Cena - 60%
Umaga - 40%
Winner ... John Cena at 17 minutes and 18 seconds.
Match Rating: 6/10
Total Event Time: 2 hours and 35 minutes
Event Rating: 6/10
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Dale Plummer and Nick Tylwalk would like to introduce Jason Neidig to the Pay-per-View team. Jason is the official WWE historian of the group. Please send all historical inquiries to Jason @ firstname.lastname@example.org.