Even the most die-hard WWE apologist would have to
admit that over the past few years, the promotion has
done a lot of things that haven't made much sense.
Whether it was a storyline that got dropped with no
logical explanation or a finish to a match that left a
bad taste in the mouth, there was something at almost
every pay-per-view that left viewers either
unsatisfied, or even worse, confused. Sunday's 2005
edition of the Royal Rumble won't go down as the most
exciting or unpredictable of all time, but the finish
of the Rumble match that saw Batista win a world
heavyweight title shot at WrestleMania made all the
sense in the world.
Batista's growing popularity (and probable face
turn) have been the dominant theme on Raw for months,
and Triple H's efforts to avoid a showdown with his
Evolution teammate have been a large part of every
episode. When Batista tossed Smackdown's John Cena
over the top rope to claim his victory, it virtually
assured that the pay-off to this long-running
storyline will take place in the main event in March.
Give the WWE credit for building the upcoming feud for
so long and realizing that this year's Rumble was one
time when the obvious thing to do was probably the
best.
For a couple of minutes, it looked like the
expected finish might not happen. Batista and Cena
outlasted the usual field of 30 competitors to reach a
final four that also included Raw's Edge and
Smackdown's Rey Mysterio. Edge sent Mysterio packing,
but the frustrated Canadian was unable to avoid
elimination at the hands of the two finalists. A few
minutes later, Batista and Cena both went tumbling
over the top rope to the floor simultaneously, and
both got their hands raised in victory by their
respective show's referees. A strong feeling of, "here
we go again" was in the air.
Leave it to Vince McMahon to save the day. The WWE
Chairman stormed to the ring to order the match
restarted, though it appeared he may have injured
himself in the process, landing awkwardly on his knee
when he entered the ring. A few minutes later, Batista
escaped an F-U and hit a spinebuster that softened
Cena up enough to be thrown over the top.
Triple H did his part to ensure he stayed on a
collision course with his teammate with - surprise - a
successful title defense against Randy Orton. A small
amount of drama was added when Eric Bischoff banned
Batista and Ric Flair from ringside, but otherwise the
match was a fairly by-the-numbers affair that fans
have already seen before. A large portion of the match
saw The Game working over Orton's leg, and the
extended length of a PPV bout only highlights how the
Legend Killer could use a few more moves in his
arsenal to replace the nearly endless amount of right
hands.
The end came shortly after ref Earl Hebner got
caught in the action and Triple H was able to locate
his trusty sledgehammer. He never got to use it, but
it occupied enough of Orton's attention to open him up
for a clothesline. A Pedigree followed and Hebner
revived just in time to count the pinfall.
Smackdown also offered little in the way of
surprises when defending WWE Champion John Bradshaw
Layfield managed to escape a three-way dance with Kurt
Angle and The Big Show with the gold around his waist -
again. Show almost became a non-factor after a low
blow from Angle sent him staggering into a fall that
put him through the announcers' table. But he recovered
from that and an Angle Slam and turned the tables on
the champ by putting him through a section of the
retaining wall on the floor in the coolest spot of the
night.
JBL's cabinet proved to be the key factor,
dragging the ref out of the ring at a critical
juncture and rolling their boss back into the ring at
just the right time. A Clothesline from Hell was
enough to put Show down for three and continue JBL's
seemingly endless title reign.
The next WWE Pay-Per-View is the
Smackdown-only No Way Out on February 20th.
The coming of another dual-brand PPV means another
round of commentary from SLAM! Wrestling Raw reporter
Nick Tylwalk and Smackdown reporter Dale Plummer. Nick
won the pre-article coin toss and has chosen not to be
in italics this time out.
I only have one thought going into this report:
thank goodness we get to collaborate on a pay-per-view
other than Armageddon!
Yea, well, the matches from Smackdown! are
definitely Armageddon quality, if you know what I
mean.
Match #1 - Edge vs. Shawn Michaels
At least the show is starting off with a
quality match, tonight.
You know I have a soft spot for the Showstoppa.
Frustrated Edge is slowly growing on me - his version
of "warming up the band" right before he hits the
Spear is pretty amusing. Edge isn't amused when HBK
kicks out though. Shawn hits his big elbowdrop but
can't connect with Sweet Chin Music. Both men have a
chance to win it, but it's Edge who ends up on top
after a series of reversals, and he isn't above
holding on to the ropes to secure the three count. Now
who screwed who?
I'm sure this decision will be reversed on RAW
Monday night, and we'll see these two go at it again
at WrestleMania. By the way, are these guys collecting
two bonus cheques tonight, since they are also in the
actually Rumble itself?
Winner ... Edge at 17 minutes and 50 seconds
Match Rating: 6.5/10
In past years the number one and number thirty
spots in the Royal Rumble had been named before the
PPV, but this year nothing has been decided. As
Hurricane would say, "What's up wit dat?"
Maybe this next segment will clear that up. Eric
Bischoff and Theodore Long exchange pleasantries -
alright, they're talking smack to each other - while
Christy Hemme and Torrie Wilson man that old wrestling
favorite, the drum full of numbers. Ric Flair and
Eddie Guerrero are the first two wrestlers to pick,
and the Nature Boy seems pretty happy with his draw.
Eddie, on the other hand, looks like someone
just nicked the paint job on his ride. Don't fret,
kids. Guerrero pulls a fast one on the old man,
congratulating him with a handshake and hug, all the
while swiping his number. After Guerrero leaves,
everyone asks to see Flair's number. The Nature Boy
presents only to see that it's not what he originally
drew. I'm sure this will get resolved in due time.
Smart money says Flair is now entering the Rumble
first. Come on Ric, that's just making Raw look bad.
Gene Snitzky introduces himself to Heidenreich
backstage. This was just plain creepy and weird. I
feel like I need to take a hot shower right about now.
Match #2 - The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich -
Casket Match
It's been awhile since we've seen a casket
match, so here's a quick recap of the rules. To win
you must place your opponent in the casket, and shut
the lid. That's it.
Maybe this is why Snitsky and Heidenreich were
scheming together backstage. It's a safe bet that
individually, neither one of them is smart enough to
understand such a complicated gimmick match.
Like most of my Smackdown! reports, I'll spare
you most of the details of this match. Things get
interesting when Snitzky hits the ring, and the
Undertaker gets double-teamed. After a double
verticle suplex, the Dead man is dragged toward the
casket. The referees open to the lid, only to have
Kane pop out. The Big Red Machine cleans house, and
knocks Snitzky out of the ring. The two battle into
the crowd, leaving Undertaker alone with Heidenreich.
Undertaker wows the crowd by crushing Heidenreich
between the casket and the ring with a guillotine leg
drop. The crazed poet is finished off with a chokeslam
and a tombstone. Undertaker rolls Heidenreich into the
casket, and slams the lid down for the win.
Winner ... The Undertaker at 12 minutes and 37
seconds
Match Rating: 4/10
Party pooper Long goes after Guerrero and makes
him return the number he stole from Flair. And since
he's giving that back, Eddie decides to give Flair his
wallet back too. Elsewhere, Batista wants to go pick
his number for the Rumble, but Triple H wants to talk
strategy for the Orton match. For the umpteenth time,
it looks like blows might be exchanges until Flair
steps in. Back in the GM office, Christian and John
Cena are on hand to select their numbers. They end up
getting into a rap-off, which is kind of like Eminem
having a freestyle battle with Vanilla Ice. I
shouldn't have to tell you who 'wins.'
Match #3 - Kurt Angle (challenger) vs. Big
Show (challenger) vs. JBL (champion) - WWE
Championship Match
Winner ... and still WWE Champion ... JBL at 14 minutes
and 49 seconds
Match Rating: 5/10
Just to clarify, the time on the last match is
an approximation, as time seemed to stop, and we just
lost track.
Nothing stops Carlito Caribbean Cool from
getting signatures for his petition to get rid of
Teddy Long, not even the Royal Rumble; until he runs
into Batista that is. Batista declines to sign, and
Carlito takes a big bite of his apple. I guess the big
man has seen this shtick before, and reminds Triple C
what he did with the Quebec flag on RAW. Carlito just
swallows and walks away.
Back in GM land, Long and Bischoff are at it
again, this time riding each other about outside
interference in matches. Bischoff is so moved by the
dialogue that he bans Evolution from ringside during
the Triple H-Orton match. And if you don't know why
Batista thinks it's funny when Eric tells him he needs
to tell Trips and Flair, then you haven't been reading
my Raw reports for the past few months. Shame on you.
Match #4 - Randy Orton (challenger) vs. Triple
H (champion) - World Heavyweight Championship Match
Winner ... and still World Heavyweight
Champion ... Triple H at 21 minutes and 28 seconds
Match Rating: 6/10
Nunzio seems pleased with his draw in the
Rumble, then Kurt Angle crosses his path. Angle is
determined to win the WWE championship, so he just
steals Nunzio's spot. Where are Stamboli and Palumbo
when you need them?
F-B-I! F-B-I!
JBL and the cabinet barge into the GM's office,
celebrating their win. Teddy Long takes exception to
the interference in the match, and books a title bout
for No Way Out. JBL will be defending his title
against the Big Show, in a barbed wire steel cage
match. Your guess is as good as mine.
The Royal Rumble
Happenings...
* Recent Tough Enough winner Daniel Puder says
he'll be making history by becoming the first show
graduate to win the Royal Rumble. Amazingly, Benoit
and Guerrero stop laughing long enough to join
Hardcore Holly in a contest to see who can give Puder
the loudest chops. Holly eventually makes Puder the
first man to exit the Rumble.
* Bischoff and Long both make their way down to
ringside, seemingly to play cheerleader for their guys
in the match.
* Some things just get everybody to agree. In this
case, it's the wrestlers from both shows putting aside
their differences to beat the tar out of Muhammad
Hassan. Face and heel, Raw and Smackdown all join
forces to rough up the Arab-American, who is
eliminated in short order.
* Angle is so upset with his elimination at the
hands of HBK that he returns to ringside just long
enough to get the ideal payback by pulling Michaels
over the top rope and eliminating him.
| Royal Rumble Stats |
| No. Drawn | No. Elim. | Elim. By |
| 1 Eddie Guerrero | 1 Puder | Hardcore Holly |
| 2 Chris Benoit | 2 Hardcore Holly |
Benoit/Guerrero |
| 3 Daniel Puder | 3 Hurricane | Guerrero |
| 4 Hardcore Holly | 4 Suzuki | Mysterio |
| 5 Hurricane | 5 Hassan | Everyone |
| 6 Kenzo Suzuki | 6 Reigns | Booker T |
| 7 Edge | 7 Jordan | Booker T |
| 8 Rey Mysterio | 8 Booker T | Guerrero |
| 9 Shelton Benjamin | 9 Benjamin | Edge |
| 10 Booker T | 10 Guerrero | Edge |
| 11 Chris Jericho | 11 Simon Dean | Michaels |
| 12 Luther Reigns | 12 Charlie Haas | Michaels |
| 13 Muhammad Hassan | 13 Kurt Angle | Michaels |
| 14 Orlando Jordan | 14 Michaels | Angle |
| 15 Scotty II Hotty* | 15 Renee Dupree | Jericho |
| 16 Charlie Haas | 16 Viscera | John Cena |
| 17 Renee Dupree | 17 Paul London | Snitzky |
| 18 Simon Dean | 18 Mark Jindrak | Kane |
| 19 Shawn Michaels | 19 Snitzky | Batista |
| 20 Kurt Angle | 20 Jericho | Batista |
| 21 Coach | 21 Kane | Cena |
| 22 Mark Jindrak | 22 Coach | Flair |
| 23 Viscera | 23 Christian | Batista |
| 24 Paul London | 24 Benoit | Flair |
| 25 John Cena | 25 Flair | Edge |
| 26 Gene Snitzky | 26 Mysterio | Edge |
| 27 Kane | 27 Edge | Batista/Cena |
| 28 Batista | 28 Cena | Batista |
| 29 Christian |
| 30 Ric Flair |
* Scotty II Hotty did not enter.
Match Rating: 6.5/10
Total Event Time: 2 hours and 56
minutes
Event Rating: 6/10
Visit the SLAM! Wrestling store!
Pre-order the WWE Royal Rumble 2005 DVD
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM!
Wrestling since 2003, while Nick Tylwalk has been on
the beat since 1998. Despite being 3,000 miles away,
Nick and Dale still had better seats for this Royal
Rumble. They watched last year's live at in
Philadelphia strapped to the rafters of the Wachovia
Center.
