Starring: Hulk Hogan, David Johansen, Sherman Hemsley
Written by: Edward Rugoff, Michael Gottlieb
Directed by: Michael Gottlieb
Turnbuckle rating: 1/4 (Significance of wrestler's role)
Now here's an idea for Hulk Hogan (No Holds Barred, Gremlins 2: The New Batch) versus The Rock (Doom, The Mummy Returns) part three that's as good a reason as any to get the two of them back in the ring together: a ladder match that isn't about titles or "Icon" status, but the cost of a night out at the movies. Fifteen dollars, to be precise.
While promoting the release of The Scorpion King, The Rock related a story of how he voiced his opinion to Hulk regarding his "fish out of water" babysitting comedy: "I bumped into Hulk Hogan last week and I said, 'Hey man, you owe me fifteen bucks. I took my girlfriend to go see Mr. Nanny. I bought her popcorn and everything.' I told him I wanted my money back!" The thought of a "Fifteen Dollar" grudge match might actually be more enticing than watching Mr. Nanny anyway.
Hulk's comedy portrays him as Sean Armstrong, a former wrestling star who lets his old manager Burt Wilson (Hemsley, TV's The Jeffersons) talk him into taking a job to bodyguard a scientist's kids. It turns out that there's a crazy man named Thanatos (Johansen, aka Buster Poindexter, Scrooged) after the scientist's invention. Since the kids are such horrors that they've scared off their nanny, Armstrong gets more than he bargained for and has to both protect and care for the kids. Amazingly enough, this film proves that you can take story conventions from quality movies such as The Sound of Music and Home Alone and end up with what must be the worst combination possible. Perhaps even more amazingly, someone thought it was a good idea to put Vin Diesel into precisely the same predicament with The Pacifier a decade later.
Dave Hillhouse is a screenwriter and wrestling fan. He lives in St.
Catharines, Ontario, and can be emailed at facegrabber@hotmail.com.
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