December 7, 2008

Slammy Awards photos (c) 2008 World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.

On Monday Night Raw, the WWE is attempting to boost ratings by bringing back an age-old concept, the Slammy Awards. The company is pimping the show as being a form of the Oscars -- only better.

While some may argue that the Slammy is a "real" award, much like (or unlike) the WWE Hall of Fame, Monday night should provide entertainment the over-30 crowd cringes at and the 25-under crowd yearns for.

Two of SLAM! Wrestling's regular writers, Matt Bishop and Matt Mackinder, debate the Slammys and each give valid takes on the show, as well as their picks for each award.

Bishop's editorial will be in regular text, while Mackinder's will be italicized.

Finally, World Wrestling Entertainment is putting the 'E' back in WWE, presenting the always-entertaining Slammy Awards for the first time in 11 years this Monday on RAW.

To me, the Slammys always highlighted the fun side of WWE. Who will ever forget the epic performance of If You Only Knew or the first incarnation of Vince McMahon hilariously shaking his backside during his memorable performance of Stand Back?

Funny you should mention Vince because knowing his Idaho-sized ego, he makes his return from the dead (again) tomorrow night and makes the show all about him. And maybe Triple H, too. But I do think all the wrestlers, er, Superstars, er entertainers, should do another version of If You Only Knew, but change the chorus to 'If you only knew/who's getting fired next/you'd be checking the Internet message boards/and then you'd go and text.'

King Harley Race and Hacksaw Jim Duggan have a confrontation.

The good ol' days of the Slammys had Hacksaw Jim Duggan (with his tight tuxedo T-shirt) and Harley Race brawling all throughout the theatre, Rick Rude stripping on stage and Shawn Michaels impersonating Bret Hart, an event, like many these days, had Hart boiling. The Slammys had an award for Best Head (once won by Bam Bam Bigelow), Best Group (won by One Man Gang) and Best Buns (won by, who else, Sunny). You won't get that type of creativity these days. Heck, even Sika eating the envelope that contained the winner for Song of the Year is probably too much to comprehend for today's fans or WWE writers.

Once the '90s hit, Todd Pettengill's show-opening serenades brought excitement to the program. If we're only so lucky, maybe today's version of Pettengill, the venerable Todd Grisham, can continue his hilarity and take to the stage a perform a little ditty.

If Grisham gets on stage, God help us. Maybe Matt Striker can add some backup, or maybe the Boogeyman makes an appearance. That said, the early '90s were a unique time in the WWE and to try and re-create that is a sham in my opinion.

How can you not look back with fondness at the time Owen Hart claimed his second Slammy Award, flat out stealing the award for Best Bow Tie, claiming, "I did it again. I have nobody to thank, once again I did it all by my sweet little self. Two-time Slammy Award winner! I knew it! I'm a winner! I did it! Wooooo!"

I agree with you here, Bish. Owen Hart was the Slammys back in the day.

On top of that, he proceeded to goad one of his opponents the following night at WrestleMania 13, Vader: "You know what Vader, you don't have two Slammys like I do because you're losers and we're winners,­ me and my Slammys! Woooo!"

See my comment above. Owen was gold and I still can't believe he's no longer with us.

How can you not want to see the Slammys after seeing inspired performances like that?

Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper, and Gorilla Monsoon.

I, for one, am really happy the Slammy Awards are back. While it's unfortunate the proceedings will have to share time with RAW, the fact that we get to finally get to see the greatest tag team of the 21st century, John Morrison and The Miz, honored as Tag Team of the Year makes the entire broadcast worth it.

OK, now the gloves are off. Morrison and Miz are brutal. A reality TV "star" and a Jim Morrison rip-off as a tag team? Ridiculous. I realize you dig these clowns (and probably Morrison's ab bling) because you have nothing better to do on a Tuesday night, but come on, man. I do dislike the fact this show is on Raw. It should be a separate show on a different night.

Aside from my love for the Shaman of Sexy and the Chick Magnet, what makes the Slammys actually worthwhile here in 2008 is the fact that WWE had its best and most memorable year in quite a few, making this a prime opportunity to hand out some hardware.

I wouldn't say most memorable, but maybe one with too many title changes, too many (or not enough) drug suspensions, some new guy named Jack Swagger, Jim Ross getting demoted to Smackdown, Randy Orton flying 300 feet in a motorcycle "accident," Jeff Hardy diving 50 feet onto padding, I mean, Orton, Tommy Dreamer and MVP engulfed in losing streaks, John Cena as champ when he's not banged up and more no-talent Divas. How do you hand out hardware for crap like that?

While this year's edition of the Slammys will be a bit different, I'm sure it will no doubt live up to the hype and pizazz the previous four editions have achieved.

Like I said previously, you can't dig up the past. The pizazz and glory should stay buried because there is nothing that even resembles pizazz at this day in age. Maybe WrestleMania and Ric Flair's robes, but that's about it.

The Undertaker speaks!

Unlike many things WWE overdoes (pay-per-views, John Cena montages, Mike Adamle), the Slammys are actually special because they are rare. Name one thing in WWE today that's ever had an 11-year hiatus from the company.

Fans take hiatuses all the time. Some for good. And WWE overbooks everything. Titles mean nothing, Finlay wears a felt hat now, Dolph Ziggler (?!?), HHH has been champion way too many times and still passes the drug tests (same for Batista) and is it necessary for each match to have a run-in???

At the same time, I'm the guy who wishes Gillberg would come back and work a part-time schedule.

Yeah, and Goldust, too. Oh wait...

It'll be great to relive CM Punk's unexpected title win or the jaw-dropping moment that was Jeff Hardy performing the Swanton Bomb off the RAW set.

Yeah, two moments out of 52 weeks worth re-living. How sweet that we have to sit through a three-hour snoozefest, though.

WHAT YOU THINK
WWE announced the return of the Slammy Awards for Monday's Raw. Which best describes your reaction? I can't wait - Grab Them Cakes! - 23% I don't care - Stand Back! - 51% It makes me nostalgic - 26%

But most of all, the Slammys will provide three hours during my Finals Week to kick back, relax and pretty much know I'm going to have a fun time watching RAW.

Ah yes, college. I remember those days during the Attitude Era. Memories indeed.

And, these days, isn't that what professional wrestling is all about?

I think the term "professional wrestling" has pretty much gone by the wayside in WWE. You want "wrestling," then check out Spike TV on Thursday nights or Ring Of Honor.

And now, for our Slammy Awards pics for 2008, going off WWE's list of nominees.

Shawn Michaels, many miles ago.

Bishop's predictions:

• Superstar of the Year: Chris Jericho
• Match of the Year: 2008 Royal Rumble
• Diva of the Year: Beth Phoenix
• OMG Moment of the Year: John Cena's Royal Rumble return
• "Damn!" Moment of the Year: Jim Ross in sailor suit
• Tag Team of the Year: John Morrison & The Miz
• Best Finishing Maneuver: Evan Bourne's Shooting Star Press
• Extreme Moment of the Year: Jeff Hardy's Swanton off the RAW set
• Couple of the Year: Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix
• Breakout Star of the Year: Kofi Kingston
• Announce Team of the Year: Jim Ross & Tazz
• Best Impersonation: Charlie Haas as 'CHL'

Mackinder's predictions:

• Superstar of the Year: James Curtis (Ha!)
• Match of the Year: Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels from WrestleMania 24
• Diva of the Year: the bouncing Mickie James
• OMG Moment of the Year: ECW living through the year
• "Damn!" Moment of the Year: Vickie Guerrero on the mic

  Alas, no Slammy Award for "Favorite Matt on the SLAM! Wrestling staff" (Mackinder, left, Bishop, right).

• Tag Team of the Year: Ranjin Singh's sideburns
• Best Finishing Maneuver: When Raw, ECW and Smackdown fade to black
• Extreme Moment of the Year: Nothing comes to mind
• Couple of the Year: Matt Bishop and Evan Bourne
• Breakout Star of the Year: Natalya
• Announce Team of the Year: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler
• Best Impersonation: Charlie Haas as anyone but himself

Granted, none of this will actually come to fruition tomorrow night, but the two Matts had fun doing this. What do you think? Email them at their addresses above to give them grief.

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