SLAM! Sports SLAM! Wrestling
   December 18, 2014



News & Rumours
Bios
Obits
Canadian Hall of Fame
WrestleMania 30
WrestleMania 30 photos
Video
Movie Database
Minority Mat Report
Columnists
Features
Results Archive
PPV Reviews
SLAM! Wrestling store
On Facebook
On Twitter
Send Feedback




Photo Galleries

Raw in Detroit


WWE Tables, Ladders and Chairs ... and Stairs


NXT Takeover: [R] Evolution


WWE Survivor Series


House of Hardcore VII


Signmania VIII


Beulah McGillicutty







SCOREBOARD
PHOTO GALLERY
VIDEO GALLERY
COMMENT





Total Divas: Secrets and swimsuits - the Divas let it all out
By BOB KAPUR - SLAM! Wrestling


The episode starts off with a replay of Aksana's knee to Trinity's face, which ended up breaking Trinity's orbital bone. She was able to continue the match, but the other Divas watching in the back can tell she's injured. Afterwards, the Divas worry about her condition.

Days later, the Bellas and Eva Marie meet up, and Ariane updates on Trinity's condition. They wonder what will happen to her recent momentum that could have led to Trinity getting a title shot at WrestleMania.

Meanwhile, the girls have other things on their minds - namely, Brie's upcoming bachelorette party in Cabo. Nattie is looking forward to making sand castles, while the others are just planning on drinking. All except for Summer Rae, that is, who Eva Marie cattily informs is not invited to the party.

The girls land in Cabo, and everyone's planning on getting wild, Mexican-style. Except for Nattie, who is apparently an 80-year old woman that wants to play board games. And Eva Marie, who is a recovering alcoholic and doesn't want to hit the bottle - though she doesn't want to tell everyone and ruin the party.

The resort is apparently empty other than the girls and some of Brie's friends. Nattie continues to suggest lame activities like board games and swimming with dolphins. Seriously, isn't enough for them to bury her on Raw? But I stop caring about that when all the girls get into bikinis. They're all getting into "Brie mode" (i.e. drunken stupors), and sadly, they cut that scene short to give an update on Trinity, who's recovering at home with Dr. Jimmy Uso taking care of her.

Woo hoo - bikini time again, and the girls are hugging in bikinis. Finally, an episode I don't hate. They start spanking each other, and this is officially the greatest show in the history of television. Now the girls are in a hot tub, and for some reason, they start talking about how good a guy John Cena is.

Eva Marie is wearing something skimpy - where's Sandra to teach these girls about modesty? - and Nikki's boobs are talking to Nattie's boobs, and all of a sudden, Nikki drops the bomb that she was once married to someone, back when she was 20 years old. Nattie's boobs are naturally surprised by this news.

Nikki tells the story about her quickie court-house marriage when she was younger and stupid. It was a Vegas marriage that she did on a whim, and lasted just a couple of years before they got it annulled.

That night, the girls are fully clothed, and I stop caring again. The girls are all planning on going into Brie mode - oh, the resort has other people in it now. The girls order drinks, and Eva Marie is doing a good job of hiding the fact that she doesn't drink, by holding a drink for a while before passing it off to someone else. Finally, though, she decides to leave to avoid the temptation, feigning tiredness. The girls aren't happy, thinking that she's being a bit of a killjoy.

The next morning, the girls are in bikinis again, and what an awesome episode. They all start drinking again, and in a neat touch, the cameras start going blurry to represent Brie mode. Finally, Eva Marie feels it's time to explain why she's not partying with the others, and tearfully tells them that she's a recovering alcoholic. The girls all support her, especially Nattie whose father Jim "the Anvil" Neidhart also had similar struggles. Her sharing this secret seems to bring them all closer together. And with the PSA done, it's time to drink again.

Trinity is doing a bit better, and the doctor gives her some good news - she doesn't have to go for surgery.

Meanwhile, the Bellas are worried that Nattie may blab about Nikki's previous marriage - something that none of her family knows, not to mention John Cena.

Nattie finally gets her way as everyone goes to swim with dolphins, and everyone has fun. That night, the girls are all chillaxing around a fire pit, and they all go around the circle and say nice things about Brie the bachelorette. This part was so sappy, I was praying for Summer Rae to storm in with a flaming branding iron and go crazy on everyone, Terry Funk style. Speaking of which, how much better would this show be if Terry Funk were on it? Seriously, I can think of no show I would rather watch than one that had a scene where Terry Funk went swimming with dolphins. That's pure gold.

The Bellas go home to visit their family, and Nikki confesses to them about her previous marriage. Their reactions range from shocked (her mom) to accepting (her dad) to angry (her brother). She wonders how John Cena will act, if and when she tells him.

Bob Kapur has never been married. Send your proposals to bobkapur@hotmail.com.