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   October 30, 2014



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Total Divas: Ariane wants a photo. Summer and Eva are a no-go. Can Nattie paint well? No, no, no, no.
By BOB KAPUR - SLAM! Wrestling


The episodes starts with the Bellas on the phone, and Nikki gets a package delivery. She opens it up, spilling out about a ton of styrofoam popcorn. The gift ends up being a hideous painting of her and John Cena making out, apparently painted by Nattie... or her cat... seriously, it's bad.

Ariane and Vinnie are driving around with their little rat dog, and Ariane starts rapping for some reason. Her song, Bye Bye is dropping soon. If that's the one she was rapping, every copy should be dropped into the deepest part of the ocean. Ariane wants to do whatever it takes to get some hype around the single. Then Vinnie starts rapping too - he should also be dropped into the deepest part of the ocean.

Brie is visiting Nikki at her and John Cena's house, and Nikki tells her that Nattie is coming over to visit, and presumably will not like the fact that the painting she did is hidden in a storage closet as opposed to being prominently displayed, because it's horrible. Nikki takes it out and displays it so as to not hurt Nattie's feelings. Nattie loves seeing the painting displayed and is totally fooled by Nikki's ruse.

Ariane and Vinnie are out in Hollywood, hoping that she'll be recognized by paparazzi who can take pictures of them to hype her upcoming single. They realize they've forgotten the dog in the car, and hopefully these two never have kids. Some paparazzi - presumably figuring out that if an E! camera crew is following them, they must be famous - take pictures of Ariane and Vinnie, and they're thrilled.

Backstage at a show, Eva Marie and Summer Rae are summoned by WWE executive Mark Carrano. He tells them that they've been selected to be a tag team, and asks them to come up with some ideas. Summer suggests they get in the ring and come up with some tag team moves.

Eva Marie tells Brie about the news, but Brie tells her to watch her back - that Summer is not trustworthy and will do whatever she can to bury Eva Marie to get herself over.

Later on, the two meet at the gym to practice some moves. Eva Marie is much less experienced than Summer, but the first session seems to go all right.

What's not all right is having to watch Ariane feed Vinnie like a mama bird feeding her babies - chewing up food and transferring it into his mouth. When not grossing everyone out, Ariane is obsessing about not finding any of her paparazzi pictures online. She figures she's going to have to come up with a new strategy to get her name out there to drum up hype for her single.

Nattie at her place, botching another painting, this one of Brie and Daniel Bryan. She says that she inherited her painting "talent" from her mother, which seems like a really unkind thing to say about her mother on Mothers' Day. Tyson "TJ" Kidd comes over and, showing good judgment, doesn't say how bad the painting is. And, for the record, I was right about the cat doing the painting - Nattie points out to TJ where the cat decided to press his paw into the paint on the canvas. Showing absolutely no Bob Ross-esque savvy, Nattie decides to leave the paw-shaped blotches on the canvas untouched.

Ariane heads to the gym to meet up with her friend Ray J, who is apparently some singer and a friend of Ariane's family. She says by hanging out with him, paparazzi will go wild with the picture snapping. They work out, and Ariane gets all handsy in an attempt to keep the photos coming. The training continues with Jeremy Jackson who is some MMA guy, and not the guy who played Pacey on Dawson's Creek like I thought. Too bad, he was awesome on that show and on Fringe, either of which I would rather be watching right now, as opposed to watching Ariane exploit her friend for her selfish ends.

Summer and Eva continue their training session, and it's clear that Eva hasn't practiced anything at all since their last session. Eva Marie says that she hasn't had time to do a lot of practicing because of her busy schedule, but Summer isn't sympathetic.

Nattie and TJ are bringing the painting to Brie and Bryan's place to deliver it in person. The box is big and heavy, and I'm not even going to go there, because that joke is far too obvious.

Before Eva Marie can debut her team with Summer Rae, it's time for the weekly cameo from Sandra the seamstress. She has problems with Eva Marie's barely there shorts and has to do some immediate tailoring magic, lest Eva Marie kill the TV-PG rating. Eva Marie says something rude, and Sandra gives her what-for.

Meanwhile, Nattie's painting is is too big to fit in the rental car, so she has to tie it to the roof of the car with her stockings and some wrist tape. Of course, this ends in disaster as they hit the highway and the box goes flying off the car. Nattie turns around, but TJ doesn't want to touch the box (again, not going there). They tie it down again, and finally get it to the arena.

There, she finds Brie and Bryan and excitedly gives them the painting. They hate it, but fake loving it and have the courtesy to wait until she leaves before mocking it.

Backstage, Summer Rae tells Fandango she's worried that Eva Marie is too green to work with as a teammate. She then goes to Mark Carrano and throws her under the bus with him too. He suggests they change things up to bring in Tamina and Nattie into the match to counter-balance the inexperience of Summer Rae.

During the match, Summer refuses to tag in Eva Marie, even when it would seem to make sense in the context of the match. Even the commentators bring up the apparent dissension between the two supposed partners.

Eva Marie is ticked up and confronts Summer Rae backstage about it. Summer blows her off, saying that she feels the two "need more practice" before she'll treat her as a teammate.Backstage, Brie asks Summer Rae why she didn't tag in Eva Marie, and Summer lets her opinion be known, saying "she sucks," before walking off.

The other Divas all congregate around Eva Marie, all upset at what happened during the match. Brie tells Eva Marie what Summer Rae said, and nobody is happy with Summer's conduct.

Later that night, Eva confronts Summer, and tells her to go F herself and that they're done as a team. Summer seems nonplussed by the whole affair.

Some days later, Ariane is at a photo shoot, and feels like a princess. Her idiot d-bag boyfriend Vinnie interrupts her to show her a picture he found online and wants to know why she's being stepping out with Ray J. Ariane says that they'll talk about it after the shoot.

Later on, at Ariane's single release party, Ariane has to deal with questions about Ray J on the red carpet. She doesn't make too much of it, just saying they're friends. Eva Marie is there, and apparently her and Ariane are now besties, despite their rocky start.

Ariane acknowledges that she screwed up with the whole Vinne-Ray J thing, and apologizes to Vinnie for not thinking about his feelings. He accepts her apology, as he's at least smart enough to realize that without her, he's an absolute nobody.

Backstage, the Divas are watching the matches, and somehow Eva and Summer end up sitting beside each other - which neither of them are thrilled about. But the drama between them takes a back seat to the injury that Trinity goes through - this is the match where Aksana dropped that ridiculously dangerous knee right into Trinity's eye socket.

The episode ends with Trinity heading to the trainers after the match, while all the other Divas stand around looking concerned.

Bob Kapur, like Brodus Clay, thinks that everybody should call their mama to wish her a Happy Mothers' Day. If you have some extra flowers, feel free to send them to him at bobkapur@hotmail.com.