Impact: TNA changes forever...again
JON WALDMAN -- SLAM! Wrestling
If you're surprised by the tone of the title of my review, don't be. I've lost track of the number of times TNA is changing their company/the industry/the political scope of Switzerland. Hyperbole used to be Tony Schiavone's copyrighted territory. Now... now it's thrown around like a cheap ragdoll in the TNA writers' room. Le sigh.
We start off our tour of Scotland with Magnus, Hornswogg... I mean Rockstar Spud and EC3 in the ring. Magnus is gloating about putting Sting out of TNA for good and we get the standard tease by EC3 of tension. Only problem in this build - no one wants to cheer either guy.
Eventually, Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle come down, with the end result, despite Dixie's pleas, being a tag match later tonight between Joe/Angle and Magnus/EC3 with the former's careers on the line vs. a TNA World Title match. Now the way it comes off is both our heroes will get shots...
Next we see a van (a limo 'twas not, Tenay) pull up with the Wolves getting out.
Match 1 - Beautiful People vs. Lei'D Tapa/Gail Kim
TNA did an okay job of building up the reunited ladies but a couple vignettes before this segment would've been more effective.
Extremely short match is won by Velvet for her side with the P-Factor (Pedigree/X-Factor)
Winners: The Beautiful People
Post-match, Chris Sabin comes down and demands an apology from Velvet Sky. She retorts by breaking up with him. Are any couples left in TNA?
Backstage, Angle and Joe assault Bobby Roode over his part in the Sting match from last week. They threaten him if he attempts anything in the match coming up. Roode has a smarmy look on his face. Hmm...
Next up, James Storm storms the ring (see what I did there?) and calls out Gunner. The two have a diatribe about bros before briefcases and are then challenged by...
Match 2 - Gunner/Storm vs. Bad Influence
We're JIP after the interchange between the four stars led to a commercial break. Simple match really, won by the good guys with a Gunner pin.
Backstage, Dixie's anxiety over the new investor that will change TNA and the state of the NHL forever reaches a fever pitch. Spud the Annoying gets shooed away.
After a break, Roode goes into Dixie's office and demands a title shot. She says she has bigger fish to fry, namely with the new investor that will change TNA and the world of rock and roll forever. Roode warns her no more favours if she doesn't deliver a shot next week. Um....
Next, we get a backstager with EY and ODB, She wants her husband of unlocking Abyss. He has none of it, as he has a tag team title match tonight.
Next up, Spud the annoying is determined to find out who this investor is who will change TNA and the State of the Union forever. He eventually makes it out to the ring and calls out the Wolves. After a bit of back and silence, Spud goes too far and gets destroyed. I said it last week - I can watch Spud get mangled every week and never get bored of it. Seriously, The guy just irritates me. #xpacheat
Match 3 - Bro-Mans vs. EY/Abyss
Nothing match with Abyss taking out everyone and turning on EY fully.
Winners: Bro-Mans (DQ)
After the match, EY challenges Abyss to a Monster's Ball match. Mad scientist? Indeed...
Meanwhile, back at the apartment of Sam Shaw, Christy Hemme is checking out the pad while creepy dude steals a lock of her hair and puts it in his shrine. This I'm intrigued by.
Next, Bully Ray brings a casket out to ringside and calls for a casket match between he and Ken Anderson. The two end up brawling after Ray talks about piledriving Anderson's wife (nudge nudge wink wink) to further establish their feud.
Magnus and EC3 have their quick quip before heading to the ring. Yes folks, it's main event time and for a show that touts Total Non-Stop Action, this is only the fourth contest. Pretty sure all have been under 10 minutes so far. That's less than a half hour of action.
Match 4 - Magnus/EC3 vs. Main Event Mafia
Considering the lack of interference that was epidemic in the AJ and Sting career matches, the match ending was never in doubt. The investor who's going to change TNA and the international space program forever starts his long walk to the ring. Joe ends up taking the bout for his team with the Rear Naked Choke.
Winners: Main Event Mafia
Post match, Joe gloated about his win and Kurt Angle said he's now ready to enter the TNA Hall of Fame (translation, his time in TNA is coming to an end). We then get the big reveal - the investor is...
Okay had it been someone like Ted DiBiase, JBL or even Tiger Ali Singh I could accept this, but MVP was never one to gloat in his past iteration about being wealthy beyond comprehension. In fact, as I recall he once was running into financial trouble when he went on a major losing streak. It puts the spotlight on him, yes, but this ends up being like the Ric Flair/Vince McMahon partnership of '02, only MVP isn't Flair and Dixie is most definitely not McMahon. Originality again eludes TNA and they fall flat on their faces.
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