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   August 01, 2014



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COMMENT





Smackdown!: Ten man tag team action teases Royal Rumble match
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


The Royal Rumble may be the best thing the WWE does all year. The actual Rumble match itself doesn't have much a build up anymore, but we do know that CM Punk will be the #1 entrant. Anyone else think that The Authority should have messed with him by saying Punk won't be the #1 entrant and instead make him the #2. Although, expect a major Royal Rumble push, tonight, from Grand Rapids, Michigan.

The Real Americans start the show in the ring, but the big news is that Josh Matthews is filling in for Michael Cole , tonight. Zeb Colter calls Big Show a bully for knocking him out the other week and then wants to know why Rey Mysterio insists on wearing a mask. Colter points out that the Show/Mysterio team needs a name, so he throws out some semi-racist suggestions.

Match #1 - The Real Americans vs. Big Show and Rey Mysterio

Show shows off his strength by hip tossing Cesaro and Swagger at the same time. Mysterio hits a 619 on Cesaro, who then staggers into the KO punch from Show. Mysterio then gets the pin after a splash off of Show's shoulders.

Winner via pinfall: Big Show and Rey Mysterio.

After the bell, Paul Heyman walks out on stage to address Show. Heyman advises Show to cherish this victory, because he won't have anything to celebrate on Sunday.

Match #2 The Miz vs. Brodus Clay

Josh Matthews reminds us that two years ago The Miz headlined Wrestlemania, because no one actually remembers that. (I was there and don't remember.)

Before the match can start, Bad News Barrett has something to say. He tells the crowd that this is going to be the worst match ever and gets a "Miz is awful" chant going. The match starts and Clay dominates as Barrett provides his unique negative commentary. Miz takes advantage of a distracted Clay, dropping him with a DDT. Miz covers to get the win.

Winner via pinfall: The Miz

After the bell, Miz wants a piece of Barrett who is safe atop his perch next to the stage.

Matthews asks if Miz has a shot to win the Rumble. JBL says of course he does, anyone can win the Rumble. The Miz has a much of chance to win the Rumble that I have of scoring a date with Renee Young.

Match #3 - AJ Lee w/ Tamina vs. Cameron w/ Naomi

AJ catches Cameron with a Shining Wizard and covers to get the pin.

Winner via pinfall: AJ Lee

After the match, Naomi jumps AJ and shows her that she could pin her.

If you haven't heard, Batista is back. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!

The Shield puts the entire roster on notice that they will dominate the Royal Rumble, and they are hungry. In fact, the Rumble has never seen anything like them. Reigns says he is going to win, much to the chagrin of Dean Ambrose.

Match #4 Los Matadores w/ El Torito vs. Ryback and Curtis Axel

JBL says that this is one of the best tag team division in WWE history, and I'm currently dating Renee Young. Just because you say it, doesn't make in true. Curtis Axel gets the pin with a roll up on Diego, but then has to suffer by getting a hurricanrana from El Torito. The little bull takes to the air, splashing Ryback on the outside.

Winner by pinfall: Ryback and Curtis Axel

CM Punk addresses his status in the Royal Rumble as the number one entrant and is not surprised at all. Punk thinks that HHH would know better than to back him into a corner, because he is now motivated to win the Rumble, headline Wrestlemania and become the WWE World Heavyweight Title. And winning the Royal Rumble would close a glaring hole on his resume. Punk vows to be the last man standing, when Kane walks out on stage. He wishes Punk the best and tells Punk actually has a slim chance to win, like .0000186%. Punk says Kane looks so sad in his suit and tie and wants to know if he lost his manhood when he handed in his mask. Punk restate that he will win the Rumble.

Match #5 The Prime Time Players vs. Luke Harper and Erick Rowan w/ Bray Wyatt

Harper pins Darren Young after delivering a massive clothesline in a very quick match.

Winners via pinfall: Luke Harper and Erick Rowan

After the match, Bray hits the ring to deliver the Sister Abigail to Young. Bray then delivers a speech, but is interrupted by Daniel Bryan, who stands atop the ramp. Bryan tells the Wyatts to listen to the people chanting, "YES!". Bryan says they don't fear the reaper (MORE COWBELL!) and after Sunday, Bray will be trapped in the madness of Daniel Bryan.

Match #6 Kofi Kingston vs. Fandango w/ Summer Rae

Before the match, Kofi filmed a promo saying that he was going to win the Rumble. Kofi has as much of a chance to win the Rumble that I have of ... oh nevermind. Kofi tosses Fandango over the top rope, which is a perfect time for JBL to explain that if it happens on Sunday, Fandango with be out of the Rumble. Kofi gets the pin after hitting Trouble in Paradise.

Winners via pinfall: Kofi Kingston

Does anyone even care about Cena/Orton 27 or whatever number they are up too? Orton attacked Cena's dad!?! So what, they did that a couple years ago.

Match #7 The Shield and The New Age Outlaws vs. Cody Rhodes, Goldust, The Usos, and Big E Langston

What are the odds this 10 man tag match devolves into people tossing each other over the top rope at some point? The Usos double team Ambrose in their corner, before tagging in Langston, who spears him and then drops him in the middle of the ring. Big E catches Ambrose trying a cross body block and delivers two back breakers over his knee. Ambrose gets his knees up in the corner to black another charge and is able to get a tag. Reigns and Ambrose double team E in the corner. Ambrose gets caught again, though, and Big E delivers an overhead belly to belly suplex. We go to break with Billy Gun dominating Cody Rhodes.

After the commercials, Rollins is dominating Rhodes. Cody can't get out of the heel corner as Reigns goes to work on him. Ambrose tags in, taunting Rhodes, who is trying to get back to his own corner. Cody blocks a superplex, but Ambrose is able to get a tag to Rollins. Cody fights him off, only to have Reigns tag in. Rhodes delivers a moonsault and is finally able to get a tag to his brother. Goldust takes out Billy Gunn and the power slams the Road Dogg. Big E gets a hot tag and looks to set up Rollins for the Big Ending, but Reigns cuts him down with a spear. The Usos run in and clear the ring. Jey flies over top rope to take out The Shield, but Billy Gunn hits the Famouser on Jimmy. All control breaks down as all 10 men hit the ring. The ref calls for the bell, as the locker room empties to join the carnage in the ring. CM Punk is the last man out to join the fray and the brawl continues as the show ends.

No Contest

Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale is considering a petition to have Josh Matthews replace Michael Cole full time on the show. Follow Dale on Twitter @DPlummer627