SLAM! Sports SLAM! Wrestling
   July 29, 2014



News & Rumours
Bios
Obits
Canadian Hall of Fame
WrestleMania 30
WrestleMania 30 photos
Video
Movie Database
Minority Mat Report
Columnists
Features
Results Archive
PPV Reviews
SLAM! Wrestling store
On Facebook
On Twitter
Send Feedback




Photo Galleries

Raw in Miami


Tragos/Thesz Hall of Fame inductions


WWE Battleground


ROH in Detroit


Smackdown & Main Event in Ottawa


Raw in Montreal


WWE in Kingston







SCOREBOARD
PHOTO GALLERY
VIDEO GALLERY
COMMENT





Total Divas: The Divas are feline bad... purrdon the pun
By BOB KAPUR - SLAM! Wrestling


On tonight’s episode of Total Divas, the Bellas get catty, Trinity walks the catwalk, Nattie’s cat can’t walk, and Jimmy Uso acts like a pussy. CATch up on all of the details right here.

The show starts off with Nikki Bella at John Cena's house. Cena is getting electro-shock therapy on his elbow. Nikki suggests they try it on her boob, but instead they try it on Cena's pec to avoid any implant ruptures. This was stupid and pointless and failed to live up to the hype – kind of like Survivor Series.

Brie and Daniel Bryan are working out, which offers many - but not enough - shots of Brie in yoga shorts. Between squats and lunges, Brie says that since she's been wrestling a lot of singles matches lately, because Nikki is injured, and that she feels a lot of pressure. She’s worried that if she fails, she’ll forever be seen as a tag team wrestler only. Bryan gives her a motivational talk, and says she’s up for the task.

Nattie and TJ are at home playing with Gizmo, their cat. Nattie bought a Santa costume for Gizmo, who looks unimpressed. Actually, it could have been a bucket full of catnip, and Gizmo would have looked unimpressed – seriously, it’s like he’s the stand-in for Grumpy Cat.

Trinity and Jimmy Uso are out ring shopping to replace her engagement ring that she doesn't like because it keeps snagging her clothes. Jimmy balks at buying a $12,000 ring, and doesn't like her other choice either.

TJ is cleared to wrestle after recovering from his knee injury. Gizmo looks unimpressed.

Brie prepares for her singles match by talking about sex with Nikki – that is, to say, she and Nikki are talking together about sex, so calm down, you pervs. Nikki says she is happy simply being ringside for Brie's matches. AJ Lee gets her first big appearance on the show, since Brie’s singles successes are leading to a match with her eventually. Brie says that she feels like she is the strongest Diva on the roster, and is prepared to go solo if need be.

Trinity gets a haircut in advance of a photo shoot for Jet Magazine. At the stylists, it turns into a Tyler Perry film as she and the stylists talk about stuff (TV sound fritzed out for a minute) while Jimmy just looks on uncomfortably.

Nattie gets a call while on her way home. It’s TJ, who lets her know that Gizmo has passed out. Panicked, she tells TJ to get the cat to the vet pronto.

The Bellas are at a wine and cheese shop, and Nikki brings up how Brie farted in front of Bryan the other night and tried to blame it on having stinky feet. What the hell am I watching? Brie asks Nikki if she will be joining her back in the ring soon, but Nikki is reluctant to confirm anything.

Backstage at a show, Eva Marie tells Ariane about a bruise she got on her boob -cut to a close-up of her boobs. There was no reason for this other than to fill time, but I say “Yes!” to gratuitous shots of Eva Marie’s boobs.

Nattie finds out from the vet that Gizmo had a stroke and is now paralyzed from the waist down. Wait, do cats have waists? Either way, his back legs don’t work anymore. The vet says that the best option is to put the cat down. Nattie breaks down in tears while telling TJ about the bad news. What a CATastrophe.

Mark, the WWE executive, tells Trinity that she will be put into a love interest storyline after the Night of Champions PPV. Naturally, this can only be good for Trinity – so it’s likely that something dramatic will happen that will jeopardize this opportunity – there is, after all, still half the show to go.

Backstage, Nikki is flaunting her new designer dress and shoes. Meanwhile, Brie is in a three-way match with Trinity and Nattie, and wants to use this to keep advancing her career. Backstage, Mark asks Nikki what her plans are when and if she’s fully healed, and mentions that Brie is doing well solo. Nikki is bothered by the inference that she may be dropped off of the show if Brie gets spun off onto a singles run. This scene is also notable for a rare JoJo sighting - she actually gets a line in this episode!

Before TJ goes out for his return match, Nattie makes him cry by bringing up Gizmo. Nattie is nervous watching his match, hoping that he is both physically and mentally ready to return. He is, and his return match is a success. They celebrate after his match, but the waterworks start up again when Nattie mentions Gizmo again.

Trinity goes for her photo shoot, and she brings Sandra the seamstress with her. Sandra shows the Jet editor a one-piece swimsuit that Trinity wants to wear, but the editor wants to show more skin than that. During the shoot, Jimmy walks in while Trinity is modelling the skimpier bikinis, and he isn't too happy. Well, serves him right for barging in – curiosity kills the cat, you know.

Nattie and TJ go to the vet, and after some medical talk, they agree to put Gizmo down. The cat looks grumpy. They don't show the procedure on-screen, but rather from behind the operating room door. Cue the CATerwauling.

It's the night before Night of Champions and the Divas are out for brunch. Nattie lets them know about Gizmo. Nikki and Brie throw some daggers at each other, with Nikki suggesting Brie is getting a swelled head because of her singles success, and Brie saying Nikki is on "vacation" even though she's injured.

It's the PPV and Mark calls Trinity into his office. Apparently, Jimmy came to him and asked that Trinity's love interest storyline be changed or killed. Mark isn't too pleased with this, saying that he can’t deal with personal drama between the Superstars. Trinity says that she still wants to do the storyline, and that she'll deal with Jimmy's jealousy.

Trinity asks Brodus Clay for advice about the situation, and Brodus tells her to tell Jimmy to stay out of her business.

Before the match, Brie is feeling the pressure of having a singles title match. Meanwhile, Nikki is marking out over the outfits she and Eva Marie are going to wear when they will be ringside in Brie's corner.

Trinity confronts Jimmy about him going to Mark asking for the storyline to be changed. She isn't happy with him trying to hold back her career. Jimmy is unrepentant, saying that he doesn't want his woman kissing another man. He's afraid that fiction may become reality if she's with another guy on-screen. She walks away, possibly they've broken up over this.

Before Brie's match, Nikki is told she won't be going out to valet for her sister. Nikki is upset, feeling that the company may be trying to bump her out of the picture entirely.

After the match, Nikki tells Brie she did a great job, and that she was proud of her. The two make up, but then Nikki starts up again, commenting on Brie's (relatively) smaller breasts.

After the show, Jimmy gets the Heisman from Trinity, who tells him that she's riding with someone else. She won't say who or else he may get jealous of that too, she says. Jimmy's not happy. He apologizes for going behind her back, but she doesn't immediately accept. She doesn't want him interfering in her career, but he says that wasn't his intention. He's scared that he may not be enough for her, and that if she kisses someone else, she may realize that he's not good enough for her. He promises it will never happen again. She says that he's the only man for her, and the two reconcile.

Later, TJ surprises Nattie with a new kitten to replace Gizmo. She falls in love with the kitten, and talks about how happy she is with her life. The kitten, on the other hand, looks pretty grumpy. As do I, for having to watch this lame episode.

Bob Kapur is a cool cat. E-mail him at bobkapur@hotmail.com.