August 26, 2013
Total Divas: Nattie is sad, Funkadactyls are mad, and the Bellas meet dad
By BOB KAPUR -- SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on Total Divas, the Funkadactyls came to blows over differences in priorities, temporarily causing the team to split up. Meanwhile, Natalya and TJ had similar problems - but this time, it may cause Nattie to find a new tag team partner in life. Meanwhile, the Bellas tried to repair a rift in their family, as they got together with their estranged father. Can anyone figure out what's going on - other than WWE seamstress Sandra? Find out by reading the reacap!
Nattie and TJ were wrestling in a hotel pool when they received a phone call from Cheryl, TJ’s mother, whom neither seemed enthused about talking to. Nattie noted that this was her birthday week, and they would be celebrating in Calgary where she would be getting a match on Raw. Cheryl insisted TJ and Nattie stay with here while they were in town, but Nattie didn’t want to. Apparently, Cheryl makes Nattie share the bed with her, since she and TJ aren’t married yet. Natttie asked TJ to tell his mom that the two of them would be staying at the hotel.
At RAW, Nattie and Kaitlyn took on the Bellas, but lost. After the show, she and TJ went to their hotel room where she wanted to get frisky. Of course, Cheryl called while this was going on, and Nattie resented the interruption. TJ agreed to stay at his mom’s, looking like a whipped momma’s boy in the process.
Later, even though it was clear that she wanted to be anywhere else in the world, Nattie joined TJ and Cheryl for dinner along with TJ’s sister Valerie. All three Wilsons tried to impress upon Nattie the importance of being with family, and again TJ came across like a completely spineless wuss.
The next day, Nattie went to her friend and old trainer Jaret’s tanning salon to spoil herself for her birthday. Jaret flirted with Nattie, suggesting at first that she could tan naked, and then spraying her down in a bikini - she was wearing the bikini, not him. He not so subtly asked her out for dinner, but she didn't seem to pick up on the hint.
Back in her hotel room, Nattie was excited to have a birthday celebration with TJ. Unfortunately, the big wimp had the big wimpy idea to go to his sister’s place with his entire family. She was understandably ticked, and she stalked up back to her room, leaving him in the lobby alone to stand around wimpily.
Nattie decided to make plans with Jaret for her birthday. She was a bit surprised to find that he had made reservations for a private room so the two could dine alone at a fancy restaurant. Nattie complained about TJ, and Jaret suggested she should think about dating someone else – namely, him. She was taken aback by the play he made for her, and reacted uncomfortably. It's likely that we'll see Jaret again, since this was left unresolved, and with Nattie's wedding taking place soon, there's more drama to be squeezed out of this.
Ariane came by Trinity’s hotel room, where Trinity was just getting up. Trinity wanted to spend the day chilling. Ariane insisted they go shopping to get Trinity a new look. Trinity wasn’t happy.
Later on, in LA, the girls went with their boyfriends to a boutique opening. Trinity wanted to head inside, but Ariane made her pose on the red carpet first. Trinity felt uncomfortable glamming it up, noting that she prefers just being in the ring, while Ariane liked to flaunt it for the cameras.
The next day, the team tried to come up with a new dance routine to spice things up. Trinity had some good ideas, but Ariane found them to be too difficult. Ariane wanted to focus on the sexiness of the routine, while Trinity was all about the technical moves.
On a day off, the Funkadactyls and Eva Marie and JoJo went to the go-karting track. Trinity came in dead last, while Ariane won. Ariane trash-talked Trinity, and the two started arguing. After an extended chirping session, the two started shoving each other and scuffled a bit before going their separate ways.
Backstage before a show a few days later, Trinity questioned the plan to tag with Ariane, telling the Creative executives (Jane and Mark) that she didn’t want to work with Ariane. The two aired their grievances with one another, and started arguing in front of the executives, who said they would call in Stephanie McMahon to deal with the situation.
Stephanie met with them to find out what the issue was between them. When it came out that Trinity shoved Ariane, Stephanie gave them a warning that unprofessionalism would not be tolerated. But before they would be split up, Stephanie wanted to test their mettle in singles matches. Sandra, the seamstress, made an appearance, questioning what was going on between the two of them, lecturing Trinity like she was their disapproving mother – gotta love Sandra.
Trinity faced Alica Fox while Ariane and the other Divas watched backstage, including Nattie who was there to point out to Jane Trinity’s lack of conditioning and a majorly botched spot – which earned a huge smile from Ariane.
An overconfident Ariane then had her singles match, and what she lacked in in-ring skills unfortunately couldn’t be overshadowed by her charisma and flash. She worked way too fast, and got all messed up. Afterwards, Trinity found her and the two agreed that they are better together than apart. The two hugged and made up.
In Calgary, Brie and Nikki were filming a backstage segment with the Funkadactyls, and afterwards, when talking about their weekend plans, Brie mentioned that she was going to be visiting their father. Nikki refused the invitation to join her, since her and her father have a strained relationship, stemming from his addiction problems that led to her parents divorcing.
At John Cena’s house, Nikki demonstrated her stupidity by confusing historical world leaders, and then mangling Chinese which John was trying to teach her. He encouraged Nikki to talk with her dad, but she didn’t want to risk it, thinking that even if they reconciled, he would just hurt her later on.
Later, the Bellas were working out, and Nikki said she had changed her mind and would try to make up with her father. She asked Brie to join her as she did this, and Brie agreed.
First, they went to visit their grandmother and brother JJ. Brie told Nana about her plans to move to a house with Daniel Bryan where they planned to install a toilet that would compost waste which would be used to grow vegetables. Nana proved to be the most intelligent Bella of all when she told Brie not to do that. Really, Nana and Sandra should get together and dispense advice to idiotic women over a game of bridge or something - I'd watch that show.
Later, the sisters and JJ went to visit their grandfather’s grave for the first time since he passed away six years ago. He was the biggest male influence on their lives after their father left, so this was understandably hard for them.
After that, they went to go see their father. While JJ and Brie gave him a hug, Nikki was clearly uncomfortable in his presence. She reluctantly hugged him, but was very cool towards him. She told him she thought he was selfish and confronted him for his part-time fathering relationship, breaking down in tears at one point. She said she always thought of her grandfather as more of a father to her than he was. He apologized for what happened, and for causing her pain. He asked her what it would take to make amends, and vowed to not quit trying to repair their relationship. She admitted to her siblings that it felt good to try to fix their relationship.
Later on, while at RAW, Nikki was watching her boyfriend John Cena's match on a monitor in the back. Nikki was drooling over Cena while watching his match like a horny schoolgirl, saying she wanted to bite his booty. Maybe she could take lessons from Trinity’s boyfriend who did that a couple of weeks ago. Or start taking etiquette lessons from Nana - no way Nana would put up with that filthy talk.
The Professor and Mary Anne
This section is reserved for the Divas that got the least amount of time during the episode. This week, it was Eva Marie and JoJo.
Eva Marie talked about how much she loves bronzing (i.e. fake tanning), and said she was going to put on a bunch because “you never know, John Cena may be down there”, suggesting a future rift with Cena’s girlfriend Nikki. She and JoJo then went and worked out, which seemed to be just an excuse to film them in spandex shorts from behind. They ran into, and introduced themselves to Joe Anoa’i (WWE superstar Roman Reigns) who was also in the gym. He seemed unimpressed, though Eva Marie was clearly smitten.
Later, Eva Marie and JoJo were there go-karting with the Funkadactyls, and looking all surprised when the team started shoving one another. They were also there to see the tension escalate at Raw when Trinity balked at teaming with Ariane.
Bob Kapur got very little sleep this weekend, and next week doesn't look much better. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org since he'll undoubtedly be awake to read it.