May 14, 2013
Raw: Nothing too extreme with Extreme Rules on the horizon
By MATT BISHOP and NICK TYLWALK - SLAM! Wrestling

Tonight on Monday Night Raw: Matt Bishop and I do the report tag team style. Because… why not? Should be a good one!

We are LIVE! from Tulsa, Okla. Michael Cole, Jerry "The King" Lawler and John Layfield are our hosts and this show is presented in WWEHD (TV-PG, V)

We kick off the evening's festivities with the dance off between Chris Jericho and Fandango. Fandango and Summer Rae kick it off, but Summer twists her ankle. As Jericho and his partner check on her after Fandango walks off, Fandango comes back and sneak attacks Jericho and lays him out.

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Match #1 - Ryback (Sin City) vs. Zack Ryder (Long Island, NY)

I'll give you 52 guesses, but you'll only need one. Ryback squash.

Winner via pinfall: Ryback

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Match #2 - Tons of Funk vs. Prime Time Players

It's a short match, but O'Neil shocks Clay out of nowhere with a roll-up and the PTP's get the win. We see on replay that Young jabbed Clay with his hair pick.

Winners via pinfall: Prime Time Players

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Teddy Long is out and announced Dolph Ziggler will not be able to defend the World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules due to the concussion he received last week on Smackdown. So he's instead changing the match, not to a tag team match, but to Jack Swagger against Alberto Del Rio in a No. 1 contender's I Quit Match.

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Match #3 - Kofi Kingston (Ghana, West Africa) vs. Damien Sandow (Palo Alto, Calif.)

Sandow jumps out in front. He hits a side Russian leg sweep and then the Elbow of Disdain for two. He locks in an abdominal stretch, but Kingston escapes and fires up. He hits the Boom Drop and tries to follow with a crossbody but Sandow moves and hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Back on the feet, Kingston slips Sandow and hits Trouble in Paradise and that does it.

Winner via pinfall: Kofi Kingston

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Mark Henry is out. He talks about his strap match with Sheamus at Extreme Rules, pushes around Josh Mathews a little bit. He challenges Sheamus to come down to the ring and face him now. After a few seconds, Sheamus finally comes out, but declines to get into the ring. Finally, he does, but only after grabbing a strap of his own. They hit each other a little bit and Henry bails.

Match #4 - Antonio Cesaro (Lucerne, Switzerland) vs. Randy Orton (St. Louis, Mo.)

This was back-and-forth for only a few short minutes before Orton catches Cesaro with the RKO and finishes it.

Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton

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Match #5 - Heath Slater (Pineville, WV) vs. The Miz (Cleveland, Ohio)

Slater in control here on the rusty Miz. But Miz gets rolling and hits a big boot. He follows that with the corner clothesline and a double sledgehammer. He grabs Slater's leg and wants the Figure Four, but Slater grabs the ropes and pulls himself up. He lands a punch and tries to go to the top, but Miz cuts him off. Miz shoves him off onto the rest of 3MB, gets him back into the ring, locks in the Figure Four and Slater taps.

Winner via submission: The Miz

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Match #6 - Elimination Match - Kane (Hell, Fire & Brimstone), Daniel Bryan (Aberdeen, Wash.) & John Cena (West Newbury, Mass.) vs. Dean Ambrose (Cincinnati, Ohio), Seth Rollins (Davenport, Iowa) & Roman Reigns (Atlanta, Ga.)

And here’s where I take the tag from Matt! Kane has some momentum going for his team, going out to the floor and laying into both Ambrose and Reigns. He ends up going a bit too far when he uses the top of the announce table as a weapon, and the ref decides to eliminate him as a result. It's a perfect time for a commercial break, but you can keep watching on the WWE app (#ShamelessPlug). Reigns and Cena are in as we head into the third hour of the show. Rollins comes off the top rope and tries several unsuccessful covers on Cena. Can John make the tag to Bryan? Of course he can. Bryan flies between the ropes to take out Reigns before nailing Rollins with a missile dropkick for two. A minute or so later, Ambrose connects with his finisher on Bryan and gets the three count. That leaves Cena alone against all three members of The Shield, and he's quickly beaten down in the enemy corner. He gets loose and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and the Attitude Adjustment, leading to the first WWE pin on Rollins. Reigns quickly follows with a Spear, but since he's not the legal man, that gets him disqualified. All of a sudden it's one-on-one, and Ambrose's attempt at pinning Cena leads to a kick out at two. Ambrose ends up in the STF, and his teammates have to come back to save him. Sounds like Cena wins the match, but it hardly feels like a victory after he goes for a triple power bomb ride. Ryback also makes an appearance with audible “Goldberg” chants ringing out. He decides to take advantage of Cena's injured foot by giving it some steel chair therapy. That's good for an injured Achilles, right?

Winner via disqualification: Team Hell No and Cena

Ryback cuts a little bit of a promo with Matt Striker. Apparently we're all going to find out Sunday that Ryback rules.

Match 7 – Big E Langston (Tampa, Fla.) vs. Jack Swagger (Perry, Okla.)

The voting by WWE fans overwhelmingly chose Swagger to face Langston, probably hoping that he and Big E would beat each other up. It's a quick commercial break for this one to push the app again. Oh wow, and you can hear Dolph Ziggler commenting on the match too – though since he's concussed, that commentary might not make much sense. Langston ends up in the Patriot Lock, yet he's able to haul himself over to the ropes to break the hold. Both men end up on the floor, where Swagger is sent hard into the barricade. He's right back up, and he ducks under a Langston move that ends up with the big man getting counted out. After the bell, Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez get involved, and a little fracas breaks out that ends when ADR clotheslines Swagger out of the ring.

Winner via count out: Jack Swagger

Match 8 – AJ (Union City, N.J.) vs. Natalya (Calgary, Alta.)

Kaitlyn and the Bella twins all join the announcers, turning the audio part of this match into a complete cluster. Meanwhile, AJ submits Natalya and laughs her way to the back.

Winner via submission: AJ

After a replay of the dance off between Fandango and Chris Jericho, Striker asks Y2J if he feels foolish as a result. Actually, he's angry, vowing that on Sunday he is going to teach Fandango to dance the way a six-time world champion knows how.

Triple H gets some microphone time ahead of his face off with Brock Lesnar. He says he's at home inside the ring and especially inside the steel cage around it. Lesnar answers the challenge by making his way out accompanied as always by Paul Heyman. But The Game doesn't want to hear Paul talk, he wants Brock in the ring. Despite joking that he's not sure if they are allowed to use the word “hate,” Heyman says he knows his client and HHH hate each other, and that Trips will hate facing his family after the collision at Extreme Rules. Of course Lesnar gets paid to fight, so Heyman says a showdown will have to wait six days. Or will it? Triple H reminds them that he beat Lesnar before and that maybe Paul is scared to see more harm come to his meal ticket. He also calls Lesnar a bitch, and that seems to have gotten the big man's attention. Though Heyman implores him not to take the bait, Brock steps into the cage. And here we go! Right hands are exchanged, and Lesnar hurls Triple H with a release suplex. The Game fights back by sending Lesnar into the cage and chucking him out of the door. Lesnar scoops up Heyman and retreats as Raw calls it a night. See you in seven!

Matt Bishop and Nick Tylwalk are the reigning and defending TV report tag team champions of the world. Admittedly though, there aren’t many teams vying for the titles. Follow Matt on Twitter at @mbish86 and Nick at @nick_tylwalk. You can also email Matt or Nick if you’d prefer to go that route.


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