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Fantasy Match: Gorgeous George vs. Brock Lesnar
By CANADIAN BULLDOG - For SLAM! Wrestling




Tony Schiavone: Welcome to Round Three of The Great 1,024 Wrestler Tournament! Tony Schiavone along with The American Dream Dusty Rhodes and John Bradshaw Layfield calling the action for this, the greatest night in the history of our industry.

John Bradshaw Layfield: Let me tell you, Mi-chael. I have headlined WrestleMania. I have been World Champion. I have called some of the greatest matches in modern history. But absolutely nothing compares to being here today to announce this fictitious online tournament!

Tony Schiavone: Actually, my name is Tony, but…

Dusty Rhodes: Lemme tell ya somethin’, baby. We gonna burn it up here on the Muthaship tonight, live an’ in living color!

Tony Schiavone: Let’s go down to ringside, where legendary ring announcer Jimmy Lennon will make all the introductions!


Jimmy Lennon: Ladies and gentlemen…. the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a one-hour curfew time limit. It is a third-round contest in The Great 1,024 Wrestler Tournament. Approaching the ring, accompanied by his valet Jeffries, he is the Toast of the Coast… the Human Orchid…. Gorgeous George!

Tony Schiavone: Gorgeous George, looking better than ever here tonight. But is he up for the challenge tonight in this, the greatest matchup in the history of our sport?

John Bradshaw Layfield: No one should ever count Gorgeous George out, Mi-chael. The man’s track record speaks for itself!

Tony Schiavone: Tony….

Dusty Rhodes: Me and Gorgeous George, daddy, we packed the arena’th back in the day, if you weeeel.

Jimmy Lennon: His opponent hails from Webster, South Dakota and is being accompanied by his representative Paul Heyman. Here is… Brock Lesnar!

Tony Schiavone: My goodness! I can guarantee you that Gorgeous George has never had to face anyone like…

John Bradshaw Layfield: There is no one in this world quite like Brock Lesnar! NCAA Champion. UFC Champion. WWE Champion. This man can destroy anyone he sets his sights on. Maybe even you, Mi-chael!

Tony Schiavone: Again, I have to point out that it’s not Michael…

Dusty Rhodes: Me and Big Brockie Lesnar, daddy, we thold out the arena’th all over thi’th great country!

Tony Schiavone: My name is Tony….

John Bradshaw Layfield: If you two jackasses would shut up… Heyman has something he wants to say!

Paul Heyman: My name is Paul Heyman, and I am here as a representative for BRRRRROCK LESNARRRRRRRR! While my client generally doesn’t like people, he REALLY wants to hurt you, Gorgeous George. So we have a deal for you tonight: stop unbuttoning your robe. Don’t throw flowers and “Georgie Pins” into the audience! Tell your little valet to stop spraying this ring with perfume! And if you leave right now, Gorgeous George, I can prevent my client… BRRRROCK LESNARRRRRRR, from destroying you tonight!

Tony Schiavone: You’ve got to be kidding me! George came here for a fight, not to turn tail and run!

Dusty Rhodes: Sometime’th the be’tht thing ta do is ta live ta fight another day, daddy.

John Bradshaw Layfield: Dusty is right, Mi-chael! There’s no need for Gorgeous George to ruin his hair and get blood all over his robe. I say he takes the deal.

Tony Schiavone: It’s Tony, and…. My goodness! Look what just happened!

Dusty Rhodes: He gots sprayed! He gots sprayed right in the eye’th!

John Bradshaw Layfield: This is ridiculous, Mi-chael! Heyman was trying to broker a truce, and George’s valet just took that atomizer and sprayed the damn perfume in Paul’s face!

Tony Schiavone: Not Michael. And Heyman can’t see a thing! Folks, this may alter the course of our entire business, as referee Dave Hebner rings the opening bell!

Dusty Rhodes: We underway now, baby!

John Bradshaw Layfield: The bell may have rung, but you’ve Gorgeous George stalling now, stepping on to the ring apron. This is asinine; just like you, Mi-chael!

Tony Schiavone: It’s Tony, and you can see Brock Lesnar fuming as he waits to lock up with his opponent.

John Bradshaw Layfield: He’s uncurling his hair, for pete’s sake! How is this being allowed?

Dusty Rhodes: He gotta be ready for action; that’h why he needs to get hi’th hair fixed first, if you weeeel.

Tony Schiavone: Now both men are facing off center ring and this looks quite the mismatch on paper.

John Bradshaw Layfield: Absolutely. He looks so tiny standing next to Brock, Mi-chael!

Tony Schiavone: IT’S TONY!!!!!

John Bradshaw Layfield: Fine – he looks so “tony” standing next to Brock, Mi-chael! But the two are preparing to lock horns here…

Dusty Rhodes: Eye poke! Brockie got poked in the eye’th!

Tony Schiavone: Indeed, Gorgeous George has used his patented eye gouge to gain an advantage. Now he’s steadying himself for some sort of a kick.

Dusty Rhodes: He’th gonna kick ‘im right between the Brocks, Tony!

John Bradshaw Layfield: Come on, how is this legal, Mi-chael?!?

Tony Schiavone: OH MY! The low blow was blocked by Brock Lesnar…. He’s got Gorgeous George up in the air now and….

John Bradshaw Layfield: F-5! It’s all over, Mi-chael!

Tony Schiavone: Indeed, Gorgeous George is unconscious on the ground.

Dusty Rhodes: Brockie need’th to finish him off now!

Tony Schiavone: Easy pin by Brock. 1-2-he got him!

John Bradshaw Layfield: I knew it, Mi-chael! I knew it all along! Behind all the pomp and circumstance, Gorgeous George just didn’t have what it takes to beat Brock Lesnar.

Dusty Rhodes: Brockie Lesnar goin’ to that pay-windah tonight!

Tony Schiavone: Indeed. Lesnar picks up a big win as we have seen literally the greatest match in the history of our industry unfold tonight. For The Great 1,024 Wrestler Tournament, I’m Michael… I mean, Tony Schiavone. Good night, everyone!

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    Canadian Bulldog (don't pretend like you don't know who he is!!!) has been writing for Wewantinsanity.com since 2006. His new eBook, Canadian Bulldog's Biggest Scoops, is available exclusively at Amazon.com.