October 20, 2012
Smackdown: Mama said knock you out
By DAVE HILLHOUSE -- SLAM! Wrestling

Really, whose mama says such a thing to her child? Anyway, Big Show is looking less like an angry giant and more focused and composed -– which is bad news for Sheamus. Dolph Ziggler seems to make his championship intentions clear, and there’s another big-break in Wig-gate.

For those of you that want your MTV, you get your wish as The Miz sets things off by welcoming WWE Tag Team Champions Kane and Daniel Bryan to his show. Miz, incidentally, is sporting a nice stitched-up welt above his right eye and announces he’s getting his Intercontinental Championship rematch against Kofi Kingston at Hell in a Cell.

Miz stirs up a little angst between the partners, although that’s pretty easy to do, and then loses control over his show as Big Show interjects himself into the proceedings. He demands that Bryan stop bringing up the 45-second championship, and Bryan takes a safe position behind his tall partner.

Who’s next? Dolph Ziggler struts down with Vickie Guerrero in tow, suggesting he’s ready to cash in after the Big Show/Sheamus match, so he’s perhaps handicapping his opportunities somewhat by ignoring the Ryback/CM Punk match. Or maybe he’s swerving us.

Booker T steps out to, as Miz sarcastically predicts, make some kind of main event tag match using everybody that’s in the ring. Amen, Miz. However, the recently deposed Intercontinental Champ is left out of the tag match, and instead gets this:

Match #1 – The Miz vs. Randy Orton

We’re back from the break and the match has started, because it’s much more important to have watched Orton’s entrance than the beginning of the match. Also noteworthy is Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez watching the match from the safety of a luxury box. Matt Striker tries to get a word from him, and Del Rio suggests that he himself is the true Apex Predator of the WWE.

Miz has much of this match in hand as he knocks Orton off the apron and into the security barrier, but gets caught up on the top rope and Orton turns things around with a superplex for a two-count. Cue the Orton Greatest Hits package, though the record skips a bit as Miz inserts a DDT, and an RKO serves as the coda.

Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton

Alberto Del Rio throws some bad mouth down on Orton from the box, though all he says is things are going to be done on his terms, not Orton’s. Backstage, Sheamus stops by to holla at Teddy Long, and he wants one more match with Wade Barrett tonight. Long says he’ll check with Booker T, and then promises it will be a Lumberjack Match. Sheamus is happy, but Eve is skulking around a distance behind them.

Match #2 – Team Rhodes Scholars (Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow) vs. Justin Gabriel & Tyson Kidd

Gabriel just might have been thinking 450 a few moments in, but Sandow yanks his prone partner from the ring. Rhodes regroups and soon has Gabriel in double-team trouble, but Kidd comes in on fire. He gets Sandow in a Sharpshooter, though he didn’t see a blind tag to Rhodes, who enters with a Beautiful Disaster.

Winners via pinfall: Rhodes Scholars

Backstage, Teddy Long finds Booker T and Eve and pitches his idea for a Lumberjack Match, but Booker T says Eve just gave him that idea. Eve suggests that Long is stealing her ideas. As Booker T and Eve exit, she conspicuously leaves behind her iPod (product placement?), which Long picks up; as Admiral Ackbar might say: “It’s a trap!”

Match #3 – Team Hell No (Kane & Daniel Bryan) vs. Big Show & Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero)

The latter team should definitely be called Big Zig. Birds of a feather flock together as Bryan squares off evenly against Ziggler, and both tag to bring in the behemoths. Soon, though, Bryan ends up in the ring Big Show, and he’s hoisted up high above the ring and tossed unceremoniously to the floor.

After the break, Bryan is still a punching bag to both opponents, with Big Show also employing his new claw and a side slam that sets Bryan into convulsions. As Big Show and Ziggler negotiate who gets to finish him off, though, Bryan regains enough energy to tag in Kane. Two side slams on Ziggler and Kane readies a chokeslam, but Bryan slaps his hand for a tag.

As Bryan leaps off the top rope, Big Show catches him by the throat. Kane knocks Big Show off the apron to make the save, and Bryan grabs Ziggler with the No Lock for the win.

Winners via submission: Team Hell No

The tag champs continues their ongoing argument at the top of the ramp, and are attacked from behind by the Rhodes Scholars. Good luck, Mysterio & Cara.

Before Antonio Cesaro’s upcoming match, he shows up in a video standing outside the Sun Records studios. He thinks he should be revered, not honking, tonking, rooting, tooting hillbillies that just make music.

Match #4 – Antonio Cesaro vs. Ted DiBiase

The Million Dollar Son takes a big fall as he’s backdropped over the ropes to the floor, then he’s brought back in for a gut-wrench suplex. Cesaro stops a comeback attempt with an uppercut as DiBiase flies off the top rope, then Neutralizes him.

Winner via pinfall: Antonio Cesaro

Match #5 – Heath Slater (w/ Drew McIntyre & Jinder Mahal) vs. Brodus Clay (w/ Cameron & Naomi)

Slater lands a dropkick off the second turnbuckle, and takes advantage of a distraction by his buddies to plant Clay with E-Minor.

Winner via pinfall: Heath Slater

Match #6 – Layla vs. Natalya

This is almost an Anagram Match. Layla is distracted early by Eve at the announcer’s table, allowing Natalya to knock her down from behind. She follows up with a severe abdominal stretch and clothesline, but a Lay-Out finishes Natalya’s night just as quickly.

Winner via pinfall: Layla

Backstage, Long shows Kaitlyn something on Eve’s iPad, giving her the green light to do what she will with the information. Kaitlyn takes a photo of whatever’s on the screen and urges Long to put it back before Eve finds out.

Match #7 – Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus – Lumberjack Match

A lot of mid-carders surround the ring, and also a disinterested-looking Big Show. Sheamus is knocked to the floor early, and of course he’s helped gingerly back into the ring. Coming back from break, things go downhill quickly for Barrett as he is caught with White Noise, but the heel lumberjacks pull Barrett from the ring.

Barrett recovers and tries for Wasteland, but Sheamus elbows his way out. Sheamus then misses a Brogue Kick, and both wrestlers end up on the floor. Barrett throws the first punch on Kidd, and soon it’s a full-on mêlée . Sheamus and Barrett end up in the ring, and Team Hell No makes a charge to go after Rhodes Scholars. Oh, and Sheamus hits a Brogue Kick.

Winner via pinfall: Sheamus

As Sheamus celebrates, Ziggler rushes in and brings Sheamus down with a Zig-Zag. He’s ready to cash in for his championship match, but Big Show knocks Mr. MITB out. He grabs a mic and vows the same fate for Sheamus at Hell in a Cell.

Dave Hillhouse is a screenwriter and teacher, and thinks that if there was any justice in the world, Eve would be called out for thinking that a Lumberjack Match prevents interference.


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