June 9, 2012
Smackdown: Wrestling breaks out during a comedy show
By DAVE HILLHOUSE -- SLAM! Wrestling
Two of the most unlikeliest of main event players, Kane and AJ, take another step towards possibly becoming Beauty and the Beast, while squash matches and mocking impressions round out the show tonight.
Alberto Del Rio is first in the ring, ahead of his upcoming championship match at No Way Out, and employs an old humiliation trick on Sheamus. He feigns indignation at being interrupted by Sheamus’ intro music -– but out comes Ricardo Rodriguez with spiky red hair and a habit of beating his chest.
A little fun between Del Rio and Rodriguez ends predictably, with Sheamus storming the ring and wasting no time in decking both of his current adversaries. As the brouhaha spills up the ramp, Teddy Long appears on behalf of GM John Laurinaitis to announce two matches: Kane versus Sheamus for later on, and...
Match #1 – The Great Khali vs. Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez)
Khali’s extended arsenal of chops, chops, and chops falls to the Cross Arm-Breaker.
Winner via submission: Alberto Del Rio
Big Show has a video promo to explain why he’s never before in his career had a chance to unleash his anger like he’s doing now. Contradictory evidence, Exhibit A: his heel turn with Paul Heyman to win the ECW Championship.
Backstage, Naomi and Cameron dance into the GM’s office, heralding the arrival of Brodus Clay. Long passes on the news that Clay has been removed from Raw for his own protection from Big Show, so he’s now a permanent member of Smackdown.
Match #2 – Derrick Bateman vs. Brodus Clay
Clay never takes long in these matches, but is in a more-than-usual aggressive mood tonight. He runs Bateman over the security barrier before bringing him into the ring for a finishing splash.
Winner via pinfall: Brodus Clay
Match #3 – Drew McIntyre vs. Sin Cara
McIntyre starts off with a swift kick to the gut, and soon has the comparatively diminutive Cara in an abdominal stretch. He hoists Cara up above his shoulders, but a hurricanrana runs McIntyre into the ringpost instead. The Scotsman responds soon after with a boot to the chest, but Cara gets the last move with La Mistica. Very nice pace to this match.
Winner via pinfall: Sin Cara
Match #4 – Tony Andriotas & Kevin Mahoney vs. Ryback
Andriotis & Mahoney get way more effective screen time with the mic before the bell than they do being speared, clotheslined, powerbombed, and felled with the double running Samoan Drop.
Winner via pinfall: Ryback
It’s time for a Peep Show – except the intended guest, Cody Rhodes, rushes to the ring and tears down the set, claiming that he does not answer to Christian. The Captain struts to the ring, answering Rhodes’ question of why he suddenly cares about the fans again. Christian claims it happened when he inducted Edge into the Hall of Fame, and it made him realize the privilege of performing for the peeps. Before anything else happens, Christian’s scheduled opponent interrupts.
Match #5 – Dolph Ziggler vs. Christian
Christian takes the fight to the floor, but it backfires as Ziggler flips him over with a knee to the gut. Back from break, Ziggler is stretching the champ, sending him into the corner with a slingshot and following with a shoulder-block to the back.
Christian finds a window and drops Ziggler with an inverted DDT, slips away from a Zig-Zag, and finishes the match with a splash off the top rope.
Winner via pinfall: Christian
After a Raw Rebound, Michael Cole addresses the crowd and acknowledges that he has reached the bottom point of his career. JR’s music rat-a-tats and in comes Hornswoggle as a pretty convincing knock-off.
After Hornswoggle jabbers on for a bit, Damien Sandow heads down to stop the insanity. As he is about to get his hands on the mini-JR, Tyson Kidd makes the save and chases Sandow from the ring ... until Kidd has his back turned. Sandow runs back into the ring and drops Kidd with his reverse neckbreaker.
Backstage after the break, Kane is emerging from the pipes and boilers when Matt Striker dares to question how he feels about AJ’s flirtatious look from Raw. Kane scares Striker off with a slightly less-flirtatious look in response. After Kane leaves, AJ slips out from between some crates, an unreadable look on her face.
Match #6 – Jimmy Uso vs. Antonio Cesaro (w/ Aksana & Teddy Long)
Uso does well with a diving headbutt, but Cesaro responds with his cradled front-slam, which I hope they end up labelling as “The Try” (it’s a rugby thing).
Winner via pinfall: Antonio Cesaro
Teddy Long is not pleased with the make-out celebration between the victor and Aksana.
Match #7 – Kane vs. Sheamus
Sheamus is looking beat up at the outset, but he has plenty of brute force to trade off with Kane. Kane’s big power moves look a little less than impressive as Sheamus doesn’t really fly around the ring. The champ takes a risk with a shoulder-block off the top rope, taking Kane to the mat afterwards with a double-axe handle.
Kane’s attempt off the top is not as lucky as Sheamus ducks a clothesline and follows with his White Noise. Kane, though, catches the Brogue Kick and both end up down with a double-clothesline. Del Rio and Rodriguez rush the ring and the ref calls the match.
Match result: No Contest
As Sheamus chases Del Rio away, Kane clotheslines Sheamus from behind. As Kane readies more damage, AJ slinks to the ring and throws Kane a few batted eyelashes. Sheamus is more than happy to take advantage of the distraction and two Brogue Kicks close out the night.
Dave Hillhouse is a screenwriter and teacher, and already misses smarmy Christian ... but any Christian is better than none.