May 12, 2012
Smackdown: Fatal foreshadowing
By DAVE HILLHOUSE -- SLAM! Wrestling

There’s some significant action on this Smackdown, with love affairs gone wrong, a minimal amount of Raw recapping, and ten (count them, ten!) matches on the card. Two weeks until the pay-per-view, and the Fatal Four-Way match for the World Heavyweight Championship is in the spotlight tonight.

Match #1 – Chris Jericho & Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Randy Orton & Sheamus

Despite being partners tonight, Sheamus and Orton show more animosity towards one another than their opponents. The match itself solves nothing, as Orton has Jericho primed for a pin after a dropkick but Del Rio breaks up the attempt. The ref calls for the bell after a relatively innocent amount of interference.

Match Result: No Contest

After break, we learn via Eve on Twitter that GM John Laurinaitis has ordered a match between Del Rio and Orton, and another between Sheamus and Jericho, both for later tonight.

Match #2 – AJ vs. Kaitlyn

Running knee to the head from AJ for the quick win, who puts in a Festus-type performance by going nuts at the opening bell.

Winner via pinfall: AJ

As AJ continues the attack, Daniel Bryan does the “Yes Hop” down the ramp, and tells AJ that he’s very impressed by her recent performances. So much so, that he’s ready to put the past behind them ... and pursue Kaitlyn. He laughs and laughs as AJ looks to boil over before striding away.

Match #3 – Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show

Another quick match as Bryan takes a few chops, knocks Big Show down with a low kick, then applies the Yes Lock. The bell rings and Laurinaitis steps in from ringside announcing Bryan as the winner.

Winner via suspect submission: Daniel Bryan

Laurinaitis gets into the ring and demands an apology from Big Show for making fun of his voice -- and it’s due on Monday night.

Match #4 – Heath Slater vs. Ryback

Slater actually gets some kicks in on the beast, but otherwise this Nexus reunion goes very badly for Slater.

Winner via pinfall: Ryback

Match #5 – Alex Riley vs. Antonio Cesaro

Teddy Long is serving as guest ring announcer for this one. Why? Because it’s humiliating for him to read out a long list of Cesaro’s great attributes. Cesaro has some unorthodox moves, including what looked like scraping the side of Riley’s head with his own cranium-stubble, and grabbing Riley’s ear. He finishes Riley with a cradle slam.

Winner via pinfall: Antonio Cesaro

Aksana, who had been sitting next to Teddy, takes a mic and states the patently obvious: that she and Cesaro are lovers. Long heads back to his room at the Heartbreak Hotel.

Match #6 – Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Randy Orton

There’s been somebody in the crowd screaming sporadically throughout the show, with no discernible pattern as to what is getting her so worked up. Del Rio has designs on Orton’s left arm and shoulder from the get-go, and even blocks the leveraged DDT and follows with his own rope-assisted enzuigiri.

Orton finally breaks through with a DDT on Del Rio, leveraged against the corner buckles instead. Orton readies an RKO, but Rodriguez tries to break up the party by leaping off the top rope –- and he does, by taking an RKO himself in mid-air.

Winner via disqualification: Randy Orton

After the bell, Del Rio runs Orton shoulder-first into the corner post and slaps on the cross arm-breaker for a few seconds.

Match #7 – Jack Swagger (w/ Dolph Ziggler & Vickie Guerrero) vs. R-Truth (w/ Kofi Kingston & Little Jimmy)

Watching again from backstage this week are A.W., Rosa Mendes, Primo, Epico, and now Mason Ryan. Like previous matches of the night, there are interfering shenanigans from both Ziggler and Kingston; unlike previous matches, the ref doesn’t call for the bell and lets R-Truth win with the Lie Detector after Kingston hits Swagger with Trouble in Paradise from the outside.

Winner via pinfall: R-Truth

Match #8 – Santino Marella & Zack Ryder vs. Titus O’Neil & Darren Young

Marella is utterly outmatched against O’Neil in the opening moments, but Ryder gets things going with a Broski Boot on Young. As he runs the ropes to follow with a Rough Ryder, O’Neil grabs his leg to break up the momentum. After Young knocks Santino out of the picture, Ryder falls prey to their Demolition-style elbow drop: the Ghetto Blaster.

Winners via pinfall: Darren Young & Titus O’Neil

Big win, really, for those two. Backstage, Damien Sandow dodges Matt Striker’s question about backing out of the match he had scheduled for last week, and once again promises that he will lead the masses to enlightenment.

Match #9 – Brodus Clay (w/ Naomi & Cameron) vs. Hunico (w/ Camacho)

The heels double-team Clay before the bell, but all it does is make The Funkasaurus Hulk Up –- or Funk Up? Regardless, Clay squashes Hunico with a splash.

Winner via pinfall: Brodus Clay

Match #10 – Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho

Not a lot of time left for this one, so it starts off quickly and evenly until Jericho finds an opening to kick Sheamus’ troublesome arm. Sheamus rolls away from a Lionsault, though, and then finds the ropes to get out of the Walls of Jericho. After Sheamus backdrops Jericho to the floor, Del Rio arrives to lay a beating on both of them.

Winner via disqualification (and by virtue of being attacked first): Chris Jericho

Orton joins the frey and the show ends as it begins, with Orton and Sheamus arguing and the Fatal Four-Way participants mixing it up; in this particular case being a three-on-one beatdown of Del Rio.

Dave Hillhouse is a screenwriter and teacher, and hopes that Cesaro’s ear-grab gets a name and frequent play.


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