March 24, 2012
Smackdown: Oh Daniel boy, the pipes are calling
By DAVE HILLHOUSE -- SLAM! Wrestling

This whole Team Johnny against Team Teddy rivalry is a matchmaker’s dream, as we are served up another set of matches featuring opposing participants. Also, Daniel Bryan gets bullied and Zack Ryder tries to figure out women –- or at least one woman in Eve.

World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan opens Friday night by having AJ wax poetic in the ring about what it’s like to be his girlfriend. She lists his best qualities, gets a little heck from him for calling him Danny, and is coerced by Bryan into saying what a great lover he is.

Bryan’s Wrestlemania opponent, Sheamus, joins them in the ring and refutes her points. He also takes a cue from The Rock and persuades the fans to start a “Danny” chant, much to Bryan’s irritation.

Match #1 – Mark Henry vs. R-Truth

An early headbutt tips the scales in Henry’s favour, and the strongman keeps the pressure on for most of the match. R-Truth creates a small opening with some spinning heel-kicks, but takes a gamble with a leap off the top and lands in a World’s Strongest Slam.

Winner via pinfall: Mark Henry

After the break, Zack Ryder is in Teddy Long’s office clamouring for a spot on Team Teddy, upping the ante by offering Hornswoggle as a mascot and The Great Khali as a super-sized Broski. Long breaks down and puts them all on the roster.

Match #2 – Brie Bella (w/ Nikki) vs. AJ (w/ Daniel Bryan)

In a veritable rematch from last week’s tilt against Nikki, AJ takes advantage of the Bellas bumping into each other on the apron as Nikki tries to run interference, rolling up Brie for the win.

Winner via pinfall: AJ

After the match, some cracks show up in the Bellas’ armour. Apparently, they don’t agree on everything, including Brie favouring Team Johnny as opposed to Nikki’s support for Teddy. Stay tuned for the decline and fall of the Bella Empire.

Match #3 – Zack Ryder (w/ Hornswoggle) vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Vickie Guerrero)

Swagger rolls Ryder around like a gator before Ryder, somewhat surprisingly, overpowers and outruns him. The Broski Boot doesn’t produce a win, but neither does the Swagger Bomb. As Hornswoggle chases Guerrero up onto the apron, Ryder hits a Rough Ryder on the distracted Swagger to end a stiffly choreographed match.

Winner via pinfall: Zack Ryder

Matt Striker stops Cody Rhodes in the hallway during an “Earlier Today” segment. A pre-recorded interview during a pre-recorded program ... as Neo would say: “Whoa”. Oh, and Rhodes insists that Big Show will embarrass himself on April Fools’ Day.

Match #4 – Big Show vs. Kane

The big guys are going for speed tonight, trading blows evenly and knocking each other down with a double-clothesline. Kane makes a big red mistake by leaping off the top right into a chokeslam, but Cody Rhodes slides into the ring before Big Show can follow up.

Winner via disqualification: Big Show

Big Show chases Rhodes into the crowd, conveniently leaving Kane unattended for Randy Orton to slip in and RKO his current nemesis.

Match #5 – Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater

Slater actually brings Clay to his knees, and then to his belly with a kick to the noggin, but the Funkasaurus machine rolls on with a well-delivered splash in the middle of the ring.

Winner via pinfall: Brodus Clay

Backstage, a jubilant Zack Ryder bumps into Eve, who keeps playing games with his heart, cancels their dinner date, and leaves him completely befuddled.

Match #6 – The Great Khali (w/ Teddy Long) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ David Otunga & John Laurinaitis)

Ziggler takes his chops early on before dropkicking Khali in the knees to bring him down. When Khali gets back to his feet, Ziggler leaps up to clamp on a sleeper hold, and Laurinaitis rings the bell and calls the match.

Winner via submission: Dolph Ziggler

Wait, Long gets on the mic and re-starts the match. Ziggler refuses to get back in the ring, so...

Winner via count-out: The Great Khali

Kofi Kingston and Santino Marella rush down the ramp, getting Ziggler back into the ring for a knock-out chop.

Match #7 – The Miz & Daniel Bryan (w/ AJ) vs. Sheamus & CM Punk

Punk and Sheamus are acting like a veteran tag team, but Sheamus soon ends up on the floor where Bryan sneaks in a dropkick to the face. Punk gets a hot tag but fares no better until he clocks Miz in the back of the head with a boot.

Bryan tags in to try and stop Punk from tagging, but Sheamus gets what he wants and enters the ring with the champ ... for a few seconds. Bryan tags out, leaving Miz in line for a Brogue Kick.

Winners via pinfall: CM Punk & Sheamus

Dave Hillhouse wants to see Team Teddy, Team Johnny, Team Bring It, Team Jacob, Team Edward, and Team Extreme all duke it out at this year’s Survivor Series. What teams have I missed?


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