SLAM! Sports SLAM! Wrestling
   July 31, 2014



News & Rumours
Bios
Obits
Canadian Hall of Fame
WrestleMania 30
WrestleMania 30 photos
Video
Movie Database
Minority Mat Report
Columnists
Features
Results Archive
PPV Reviews
SLAM! Wrestling store
On Facebook
On Twitter
Send Feedback




Photo Galleries

Raw in Miami


Tragos/Thesz Hall of Fame inductions


WWE Battleground


ROH in Detroit


Smackdown & Main Event in Ottawa


Raw in Montreal


WWE in Kingston







SCOREBOARD
PHOTO GALLERY
VIDEO GALLERY
COMMENT





Raw: Monday night jaw
By DAVE HILLHOUSE -- SLAM! Wrestling


The Rock salutes the masses in Cleveland after his sing-a-long. Photo by Matt Bishop

Wrestling takes a back seat tonight as Shawn Michaels shows up to have a chat with The Undertaker. Also, John Cena and rap go up against The Rock and, well, rock. Taking a cue from Aerosmith and Run DMC, can’t we all just get along?

Jerry Lawler explains that tonight features the first ever rock and rap concert on Raw. That must be because Fozzy never took the stage against John Cena way back then. Cena is out first, to his old theme and looking like the old Doctor of Thugonomics, but with ridiculously bigger muscles.

Let’s sum up: The Rock has cheat sheets on his wrist, had pectoral cosmetic surgery, and Cena says the “s-word”.

After Cena leaves following a short performance, Vickie Guerrero steps out to display a staggeringly poor understanding of Daylight Savings, complaining that it costs the world an hour of the presence of her man Dolph Ziggler.

Match #1 – Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus

Ziggler is toying around at first, but Sheamus gets his hands on him and starts rag-dolling him around the ring. Ziggler does manage to slip out of the ropes and avoid being potatoed by forearms as we go to commercial.

Ziggler fares no better back from the break, with his ineffective punches giving way to a hip-toss that sends him clear to the floor. When Sheamus gives chase, Ziggler crawls under the ring to come out from behind him, then runs the Irishman into the announcer’s table, leaving a welt that looks like a streak of ketchup on a piece of white bread.

Josh Matthews is stationed in the crowd to interview Daniel Bryan and AJ. Matthews says that many people are upset that Bryan told AJ to shut up last week, but Bryan asks AJ if he was rude to her. She says no.

Back in the ring, Sheamus finds an opening for the Brogue Kick, making the welt worthwhile with a win.

Winner via pinfall: Sheamus

Another match is announced for Wrestlemania, because Bragging Rights is just too far away: John Laurinaitis and Teddy Long will each have teams fighting to decide who will be GM of both shows. Tonight, though, Laurinaitis joins the ringside crew to watch what was supposed to be a mixed-tag match, until Mr. Excitement turns it into:

Match #2 – Santino Marella (w/ Aksana) vs. David Otunga & Mark Henry – Handicap Tag Match

As Otunga and Henry argue over who will start, Teddy Long also comes to ringside and jaws it out with Laurinaitis before pushing him into Michael Cole. In the ring, Santino’s thinking Cobra on Otunga until Henry enters on a blind tag and wins with a World’s Strongest Slam.

Winners via pinfall: David Otunga & Mark Henry

Henry and Otunga look to continue the punishment, but Kofi Kingston comes down to help. Oh, he gets a World’s Strongest Slam. Wait, here comes R-Truth! Oh, he gets The Verdict and a World’s Gentlest Splash. Laurinaitis makes a non-announcement by naming Mark Henry to his Wrestlemania team.

Backstage, Eve is strutting along when Zack Ryder stops her to ask if she’s playing him. She suggests a “friends with benefits” relationship, to which he agrees in a most gentlemanly fashion. Beth Phoenix steps in, upset about not being on Extra as a featured Diva; Eve bristles when Phoenix also suggests that she might take a turn stringing Ryder along.

Elsewhere, Laurinaitis is on the phone in his office, when The Miz shows up with guest host James Roday, looking for a spot on the Raw GM’s Wrestlemania team. Laurinaitis tells Miz to beat CM Punk tonight, and he’s in.

Match #3 - Jinder Mahal vs. Brodus Clay

Mahal is not impressed by the Funkasaurus. A cradle suplex and splash impress Mahal even less as the match is over in seconds.

Winner via squash: Brodus Clay

It’s time for Undertaker and HBK have their heart-to-heart. Taker isn’t pleased that Michaels has inserted himself into the match, so much so that he mistakenly looks forward to Wrestlemania on April 21st.

Michaels says he may still be the guy to end The Streak, but Taker threatens him to keep the ending pure. Michaels’ foot twitches in anticipation of a super-kick, but he sees the light and patronizingly pats Undertaker’s arm before leaving. Triple H meets him at the top of the ramp and looks a little funny doing a crotch-chop in his suit.

Match #5 – The Miz vs. CM Punk

James Roday makes the introductions, while Jericho watches the match from backstage. Punk gets in only a few kicks before it’s quickly commercial time.

Coming back, Punk is on a roll: knee-lift, bulldog, and almost a GTS, though Miz squirms away. Miz hits a DDT, but misses a launch off the top rope. Punk turns a Skull-Crushing Finale into an Anaconda Vice for the win.

Winner via submission: CM Punk

Jericho appears on the big screen, stopping Punk in his tracks by telling everyone that Punk’s father was an alcoholic. The challenger promises that after he wins at Wrestlemania, Punk is going to have a few drinks to ease the pain.

Coming back from commercial, an advertisement offers the services of David Otunga for accident benefits, available through Twitter only.

Match #6 – Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Vickie Guerrero)

Orton tries to spike Swagger’s hair again with a standing dropkick before throwing him out to the floor. He runs Swagger into the stairs and then the announcer’s table.

Back from break, Swagger puts up a brief fight by zeroing in on Orton’s left leg, culminating in an ankle lock. Orton escapes, sets up and lands a superplex, and soon afterwards ends the bout with an RKO.

Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton

As Orton celebrates, red floods the arena and the turnbuckles burst with flames. Wary as Orton is, though, Kane never appears...

It’s the long-awaited rock portion of the rap n’ rock connection as The Rock arrives in the ring, toting a guitar. He sounds a lot like a grumpy old man, perplexed by John Cena’s chain and sideways hat from earlier.

The Rock performs a slow version of Jailhouse Rock, filling in some digs at Cena’s character, and also getting some easy cheers for isolating the grown men that support Cena. Questioning their sexuality kind of flies in the face of the “Be a Star Coalition”, doesn’t it?

The Rock ends with a badly-sung Karaoke rendition of We Will Rock You, with Freddie Mercury still handling the chorus, once again filling in the rest of the lyrics with a greatest hits of his latest catchphrases. That’s it -- no guitars over the head or anything.

Dave Hillhouse still can’t see The Streak ending, but what if The Undertaker really thinks that Wrestlemania is three weeks later than it is and he no-shows? Will a forfeit count towards 19-1?