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Smackdown: Peeps, a posse, and pain
By DAVE HILLHOUSE -- SLAM! Wrestling


Smackdown is in charge of the Survivor Series elimination match, and all participants get one last chance at gaining an advantage going into Sunday. Same goes for Big Show and Mark Henry, but Daniel Bryan finds himself unfortunately caught in the middle of their feud.

You know those birds that sit right inside a crocodile’s mouth? Ever wonder where they get the moxie? Ever wonder when the crocodile is going to get fed up? In the WWE’s animal kingdom, World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry seems to have had enough of Bryan hanging around him, and the show opens with the champ roughing up the Money in the Bank Winner backstage.

Henry drags him out towards the ring, where Bryan puts up a little fight, but soon falls prey to some really strong slams (maybe even the strongest in the world). Henry grabs a mic and says he has more from where that came from for Big Show on Sunday.

Match #1 – Sin Cara vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero)

Ziggler is in a really good mood this match, despite Guerrero’s announcement that her man will be wrestling twice at Survivor Series: he’s on Wade Barrett’s team, and will defend his U.S. Championship against John Morrison. Ziggler’s smile disappears as Cara sends him to the outside and then dives over the ropes to crash him into the barrier. Ziggler is soon afterwards laid out in the ring for Cara’s Senton Bomb, but he rolls away and reverses Cara’s modified sunset flip for the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Dolph Ziggler

Cara shows some poor sportsmanship by attacking Ziggler after the bell, and Jack Swagger comes down to help his buddy. After they discard of Cara, Mason Ryan chugs down and clears the ring, attending to Cara as we go to commercial.

Match #2 – Jack Swagger vs. Mason Ryan

This match was made due to lucky circumstance, since both were at ringside anyway. Swagger doesn’t get overpowered often, but that’s the story here. A Swagger Bomb, though, levels the playing field. Swagger keeps the pressure on and brings Ryan to his knees, but Ryan displays an impressive arsenal of punches. Ryan blocks a gut-wrench powerbomb attempt and counters with a full-nelson slam for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Mason Ryan

Backstage, Alicia Fox tells Justin Gabriel how dreamy he is, and Zack Ryder arrives to get their votes for his title shot petition. Things get awkward, and Ryder tells him what happened to Bryan. Big Show goes on the hunt for Henry.

Elsewhere, Ted DiBiase and Hornswoggle are playing WWE 12 when Teddy Long arrives to congratulate Ted on his recent wins and his ability to rhyme with his last name. Aksana interrupts and they agree to play video games together later on.

Out on the ramp Christian hobbles out with a neck and knee brace, looking for sympathy and getting none from his former peeps. He vows consequences for Teddy Long and bids good riddance to the fans.

One more location: Big Show finds Daniel Bryan in the trainer’s room, being watched by AJ. What are her trainer’s qualification, exactly? Big Show gets all mad and takes off again, looking for Henry.

Match #3 – Ted Dibiase vs. Derrick Bateman (w/ Maxine)

DiBiase takes the hammer early on, but Maxine distracts the ref so Bateman can drop DiBiase’s neck across the ropes. Why did Maxine have to distract the ref so Bateman could perform a legal maneuver? Don’t know. Bateman falls for DiBiase’s rope-a-dope clothesline, and Dream Street comes soon afterwards.

Winner via pinfall: Ted DiBiase

After the break, Big Show is backstage continuing his search. Tyson Kidd and Jinder Mahal are sharing a laugh, but they won’t tell Big Show what’s funny. Well, Mahal does in Punjabi, but Big Show punches him for talking funny. Big Show goes to the ring next and focuses his threats in a speech towards Henry.

Match #4 – Kofi Kingston vs. Hunico

Kingston takes charge with a Steamboat-esque armdrag, but Hunico responds with an attack on Kingston’s midsection. Hunico misses a moonsault off the second rope, lands on his feet, but still gives Kingston an opening to go Boom Dropping. Hunico rolls with Kingston’s top-rope splash and gets a very close two-count, then argues with ref long enough for Kingston to recover and hit the SOS.

Winner via pinfall: Kofi Kingston

Ezekial Jackson promo time.

Match #5 – Beth Phoenix & Natalya vs. AJ & Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn fares poorly against the Divas of Doom, so in comes AJ with a cross body off the top rope, but soon finds herself in a most vicious Sharpshooter.

Winners via submission: Natalya and Beth Phoenix

Kaitlyn looks on unimpressed as AJ reassembles her spine and rolls out of the ring in agony. Then, a Raw re-cap.

Match #6 – Randy Orton & Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett & Cody Rhodes

Orton takes a few years off his face by shaving, while Rhodes takes off a few inches of plastic by discarding the face mask. Barrett and Sheamus trade the heavy blows back and forth, but Orton wants in to try and finish Barrett early. He is ready for an RKO, but Rhodes attacks (well, his attack is blocked) and lets Barrett drop Orton with a big boot.

After the break, Christian has limped down to ringside for moral support, and it seems to work as Barrett and Rhodes are decimating Orton. Ah, but do you hear the theme from Jaws? The Great White gets the tag and Sheamus powers his team back into the match. He’s thinking of using Orton’s punt but Christian smacks him with his crutch, ending the match.

Winners via disqualification: Randy Orton & Sheamus

Dave Hillhouse is a screenwriter and teacher, and has read about the potential for WWE logo change. It would be ideal for them to completely re-design, because anything with the “double-W” will always be more about what it isn’t than what it is.