 |
Just days off Slammiversary, tonight's edition of Impact Wrestling features all the fallout, including the first comments from new TNA World Heavyweight Champion Mr. Anderson, plus the Kurt Angle-Jeff Jarrett saga continues. In the main event, Anderson faces former World Television Champion Gunner.
Mr. Anderson comes to the ring, which is set up like a sports bar, complete with stripper pole (of all the sports bars I’ve been to, I’ve never seen a stripper pole in any of them. Maybe Festivus comes early this year). Anderson says he invited all the boys in the back to come celebrate this moment with him, but nobody showed up. He says he doesn’t have any friends and he doesn’t need any friends. Anderson says he also doesn’t need any of the fans behind him (it’s a good thing they’re not then). He says that he only considers five people important to him. He lists his five-year-old niece, his wife, him, himself and he (it sounded less awkward the way he put it). Suddenly, Anderson is cut off by some unfamiliar theme music, and out walks Gunner of all people. Gunner sarcastically says that he’d hate to ruin this party for Anderson in front of all his friends, and I just realized that Gunner has a southern accent. He continues that it’s funny that Anderson thanks nobody for his success, because it was just a week ago, when Anderson asked for his help. Gunner goes on that Anderson wanted him to weaken Sting last week, and he did it. He says he made sure that Sting wasn’t 100 per cent heading into the title match at the pay per view (does anyone remember that Sting got screwed at the pay per view?). Gunner says he’s not just some guy backstage who rings a bell (ah, so it was him who rang the bell). Gunner says Anderson’s owes him. Anderson responds that Gunner’s services are no longer required and then wishes him well in his future endeavors (if only). Gunner says he wants a title shot, and Anderson asks if the ink on his contract has dried up yet, because there are a handful of guys in the back that are ahead of him (more than a handful I would think). Anderson then gets thirsty and pours himself some beer, before splashing the pitcher into Gunner’s face. For some reason, Gunner has some blood trickling down his face, which he uses as motivation to spinebuster Anderson through the food table.
Mexican America are shown on their way to the ring, as we get set for the first match after the break.
Match #1: Hernandez vs. D-Von
Sarita distracts D-Von, allowing Hernandez to take the early advantage with a shoulder block. D-Von answers that with one of his own and then a flying clothesline for two. D-Von then delivers a spear, before The Pope comes to ringside wearing a mink coat (what a fancy boy). Pope joins D-Von’s family at ringside, which distracts D-Von. Hernandez takes advantage with a schoolboy for two. D-Von comes back with a Thesz press, reigning blows down on Hernandez, before the rest of Mexican America go on the attack for the DQ finish.
Winner: D-Von by disqualification
Pope is caught chowing down on a candy bar, as D-Von’s kids encourage him to go help their dad. Pope doesn’t even think twice about it. He jumps in the ring and cleans house of the Mexicans. But D-Von takes exception to Pope being so close to his family (why does D-Von keep bringing his family to the arena with him?). As D-Von leaves, Pope shakes hands with D-Von’s kids and makes eyes at his wife.
Mr. Anderson charges into Eric Bischoff’s new office and demands that Bischoff put a shock collar on his boy Gunner. Bischoff says he could have called the dogs off months ago when he offered Anderson a spot in Immortal, but he decided he wanted to be his own man. Bischoff then offers Anderson a one-on-one match with Gunner tonight, so he can handle it himself. Anderson reluctantly accepts and calls Bischoff a prick (and the pay per view angle continues to make no sense).
Kurt Angle is shown walking through the hallway with his two kids, before coming out for the next segment after the break.
Angle comes out and says after eight months, he can finally put the Jarrett feud to rest. He says he is now going to concentrate on his title shot, but first, he wants to explain why he put his gold medal on the line at Slammiversary. Angle says when he competed in the ’96 Olympics, he trained harder than he ever did to prove that he was the best in the world, and he felt that he needed the extra motivation to do that again. Angle says he is now continuing to train hard, as he plans to join the US Olympic wrestling team in 2012 and represent his country one more time. Jeff Jarrett then comes out and says this isn’t over until the founder says it’s over. He says it all started with a handshake in a parking lot in Pittsburgh, PA. And he says it’s going to end in a parking lot in Orlando, FL. Jarrett says they need to go one-on-one one more time. He says there is not going to be any Karen Jarrett, no cages, no gold medals and no children involved. Jarrett says that one of them will walk out and the other is going to end up on their back, because TNA isn’t big enough for the both of them (good thing this is Impact Wrestling). Jarrett then demands that Angle man up and accept. Angle says that Jarrett’s like a gnat that just won’t go away. He calls him a liar, a cheat, a scumbag and a prick (word of the day). Angle says despite all that, he still had some respect for Jarrett, because of his honor for the business. Angle asks what Jarrett’s ancestors would think about him going back on his word. He brings up that Jarrett also went back on his word two years ago, when he promised that there was nothing going on between himself and Karen. Angle agrees to the fight on the condition that Jarrett bring some kind of legal document, stating that if Jarrett loses, he must go to live in Mexico without Angle’s children (why Mexico?). Without thinking, Jarrett agrees and tells Angle that he’ll see him in the parking lot.
Up next, it’s announced that starting tonight, there will be a 12-man Bound for Glory series. The 12 men will participate in a series of matches heading into Bound for Glory and the winners of those matches will earn a certain amount of points, based on how the match ends. The four men with the most points will compete in a four-way match at No Surrender, with the winner getting a World Title match at Bound for Glory.
Eric Young, who’s starting to look like Danny Bonaduce finds Matt Morgan backstage and asks Morgan if he’s ready for his Television title shot tonight. Morgan asks what the hell Young’s talking about, and asks if he just heard the news that Morgan is one of the 12 guys in the Bound for Glory series and has bigger things to worry about. Young takes exception to this, as he was promised a match with a big television star, and there’s nobody bigger than Morgan. Morgan says there is another television star here tonight, and Young knows who it is, and should go find him.
Match #2: Austin Aries vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Kid Kash in a 3-way dance
This match is the first of a series, with the winners heading into an Ultimate X match at Destination X for an Impact Wrestling contract. Aries teases a test of strength with his two opponents, but pulls his hands away, just as they reach for it. Rave and Kash get frustrated and take Aries out of the ring. Aries comes back in with a hilo, followed by an elbowdrop on Rave for two. Kash tries a springboard, but gets cut off with a spear by Rave. Aries hits a kneebreaker on Rave and then delivers a back suplex, followed by a pendulum elbowdrop. Aries then connects on both opponents with a tope under the middle rope, which is incredibly tough to pull off, considering the height, so kudos to him for that. Rave delivers a urinage to Aries on the ring apron. Kash comes off the turnbuckles with a springboard somersault on the outside. Back in the ring, Rave delivers a reverse cradle suplex on Kash. Aries breaks up the pin with a punt to Rave, followed by a brainbuster for the win.
Winner: Austin Aries by pinfall
Ms. Tessmacher and Velvet Sky are then shown on their way to the ring, as they seem confident that they’ll be the new Knockout’s Tag Champions. For some reason the cameraman is behind them, but it all starts to make sense, as he gets a close-up of them patting each other on the ass (I guess they can’t let the pigeons loose just yet).
Match #3: Sarita and Rosita vs. Velvet Sky and Ms. Tessmacher for the Women’s Knockout Tag Team titles
Velvet takes exception to Sarita’s version of the Macarena, and pounces on her right away. She escapes a wheelbarrow suplex with an armdrag. Tess and Rosita are in next and Rosita gets whipped to the ropes and comes back with a cartwheel, which led to nothing, but a terrible-looking back suplex by Tess. The heels double team Velvet for a while, until Rosita tries a headscissor out of the corner, but Velvet pulls her out and delivers a faceplant. Velvet and Tess then go for a double suplex on Sarita, but Velvet releases her end as she spots ODB in the crowd. Meanwhile, Tess gets destroyed and Rosita delivers a somersault senton for the win.
Winners: Sarita and Rosita by pinfall
After the match, Velvet tries to console Tess, who pushes her hand away out of frustration (this woman sure does know how to keep friends). ODB then continues to taunt Velvet, as another woman comes through the crowd and attacks Velvet from behind (and she’s made another enemy). The camera finally get a close-up of the woman’s face and it’s revealed to be the returning Jackie Moore. Jackie and ODB then beat the shit out of Velvet (what else is new?). They also beat up the security, who try to eject them.
Jeff Jarrett is in Hogan’s office (apparently he and Bischoff have their own office now (unless it’s the same office from a different camera angle, which is more likely). He makes the fight with Kurt Angle official and says there is only room for one of them in this company. Hogan agrees and says he’s betting on Jarrett. As Jarrett leaves, Hogan refers to him as the “King of Kings” (they can’t be too happy in Greenwich right now). Hogan comes out of his daydream and is now graced with the presence of the Sting of Stings, minus the face paint. Before Sting can start, Hogan says he’s automatically got his rematch for the World title set for the 14th. Hogan says he and Sting have a history with each other that nobody knows about. Sting is now wondering if the real Hogan is finally back, or if it’s another façade. He says that it dates back to WCW, when Hogan came in and had a positive attitude, wanting to be a positive influence for the boys in the locker room. Sting says Hogan respected him and Sting admits that he wanted to follow in Hogan’s footsteps. He then asks Hogan if this current Hulkster is the legacy he wants to leave behind, for Brooke and Nick. Hogan then jumps in and warns Sting that that’s enough. Sting yells that he’s not done. He clears the papers off Hogan’s desk and forces Hogan against the wall, as he breaks out the paint, to rub all over Hogan’s face, since he wants to wear masks. Sting says Hogan only has himself to blame. I hated this segment. Sting came off as the heel here.
ODB and Jackie are backstage (how did they get backstage if they supposedly don’t work here?). They say nobody messes with them and they’re here to show that wrestling still matters. It’s at this point that Velvet Sky attacks ODB, but with help from Jackie, Velvet has her ass handed to her again (surprise, surprise).
Reaction cameras get an interview with Austin Aries, asking him how it feels to be back. Aries says before he got here, the phrase “where wrestling matters” was simply just rhetoric to him. He says he’s here to prove how real it really is. Eric Young then steps in and challenges the interviewer to a match for the TV title. It took me a while to recognize him, until Young referred to him as Wayne, and I realized that this was THE Jason Hervey from The Wonder Years. This whole time, I thought it was just A Jason Hervey. Hervey turns Young down on that request, but Young superkicks him and pins him, as Aries makes the count. This was stupid.
Match #4: Samoa Joe vs. Rob Van Dam in the Bound for Glory series
They exchange forearms in the early going, with Joe getting the advantage. Joe counters a victory roll into his own pinning combination for two. Van Dam tries to slingshot himself into the ring, but Joe turns it into a belly-to-belly suplex. Van Dam eventually positions Joe in the corner, and delivers a spinkick to Joe, who’s in a seated position. Joe then delivers a tope with a forearm on the outside and rolls RVD back in for two. Van Dam misses a springboard crossbody, as Joe casually walks away. RVD responds with a superkick, followed by rolling thunder for two. RVD delivers a windmill kick, but is caught with a urinage by Joe out of the corner. Joe attempts a superplex, but Van Dam shoves him off the buckle and hits the 5-star frog splash for the win.
Winner: Rob Van Dam by pinfall
Gunner is being stitched up backstage, as he tells the Reaction camera that lots of people have been taking advantage of his kindness (really?), but he really doesn’t like anyone.
Jeff Jarrett is then shown in the locker room, taping up his hands.
Match #5: Gunner vs. Mr. Anderson in a non-title match
Gunner goes on the offensive first, but Anderson comes back with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Anderson then delivers another neckbreaker into his knee for two. He then delivers a front slam, but misses the Kenton bomb. Gunner builds a little offense, but Anderson shuts him down with a steamroller for two. Anderson then signals for the microphone to be brought down. He announces himself as still the TNA World Champion (is it just me, or did TNA not change their name to Impact Wrestling a month ago?). Gunner surprises Anderson with an F-5 for the win.
Winner: Gunner by pinfall
After the break, it’s announced that Bully Ray will face Scott Steiner next week in the Bound for Glory series. Both guys have Reaction interviews. Steiner makes a bunch of terrible fat jokes, while Bully Ray brings up Steiner’s nearly career-ending injury that he caused. He says he’ll do it again if he has to.
This leads to the parking lot, which is set up like a movie scene, with Bully Ray coaching on Jarrett (he made it there pretty fast). Angle takes Jarrett down immediately, as the rest of the locker room cheers on. Angle gets Jarrett’s back, but can’t do anything with it. Jarrett is bleeding from the forehead. Jarrett delivers a stroke on the hood of a car and then another one on the floor, which he thinks has knocked Angle out. As Jarrett is about to walk off, Angle gets up and says it’s not over yet. Jarrett charges at him and gets slammed on the concrete. Angle delivers an Angle slam on the hood of a car and then takes his shirt off and chokes out Jarrett with it. He yells for Jarrett to say adios, so Jarrett quits by actually saying adios, which was stupid. After Angle leaves, Bully Ray keeps yelling that Jarrett never gave up, but then Jarrett speaks to himself and repeats the word adios with a more serious tone, so I guess they’re teasing that Jarrett is actually leaving.