Impact: Little clarity in title picture
MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on TNA Impact: It wouldn't be an edition of Impact without controversy and we have that in spades tonight. The TNA World Heavyweight Title picture is still a complete mess. Tonight, Mr. Anderson and Rob Van Dam meet once again to see if we can determine the top contender.
Like usual, tonight's taped show emanates from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Fla. "The Professor" Mike Tenay and The Tazz are our hosts.
Mr. Anderson is out with a professor the Wisconsin-Green Bay. A low blow for me considering UWGB just eliminated my beloved Michigan State from the NCAA Tournament earlier this week.
He wants this professor to verify some facts. This is just awful. He's talking about the tie in his match with Rob Van Dam last week and how he never got his rematch. The professor agrees with him that he deserves the rematch. Then Anderson gets in an argument with the professor that I honestly I got 10 seconds into and had to fast forward so I wouldn't put my fist through my TV. Then he gives him the Mic Check.
Finally Hulk Hogan's music hits and he and Eric Bischoff come out. Never before have I been so happy for an interruption. Bischoff tears Anderson apart, telling him his jokes suck. He gives the mic to Hogan as the professor is still laying there dead. Hogan says Anderson has been messing with his rules. He says Anderson can do it the easy way or the hard way. Hogan says Anderson has to earn his rematch and Dixie Carter signed Anderson's rematch and it doesn't mean anything. Hogan says if Anderson beats RVD tonight, he gets the shot.
Anderson says RVD isn't in his league and this brings RVD out.
They talk some more, saying absolute nothing worthwhile and Sting's music hits. The TNA World Heavyweight Champion says he talked to the network and they want him to be the special enforcer for the Anderson/RVD match and if anything out of the ordinary happens, he's in control. Hogan and Bischoff are not happy.
Match #1 - Mickie James (Richmond, Va.) vs. Tara (State of California)
Tara hops up on the apron and James pulls her right in and the bell rings. James on fire early but Tara decks her with a knee with her knee brace and hits a standing moonsault for two. Then she hits a power bomb for another two. Tara goes to the top rope but Mickie staggers into the ropes and crotches Tara. Mickie goes up but Tara punches her and Mickie falls into her lap. Another punch throws her backward into a sort of tree of woe position. Then she rolls through into a Boston Crab but Mickie is able to get the rope after a struggle.
Tara lines Mickie up and kicks her. She goes for the Widow's Peak but James counters into the DDT and that's it.
Winner via pinfall: Mickie James
Match #2 - Okato (Japan) vs. The Pope (Harlem, N.Y.)
Pope traps Okato's head under the ring apron and then just unloads with knees. Another one in the ring and he is destroying this man. Pope takes off his boot and drills Okato with it. Now he takes off a glove, revealing three rings and he drills him and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner via disqualification: Okato
Pope beats down Okato (and hits referee Jackson James) before Samoa Joe comes down and runs him off.
Ric Flair is out with Matt Hardy and Bully Ray. He says he's not going to talk tonight. That's really too bad. He first hands off to Hardy. Then off to Ray. He addresses AJ Styles. He calls him a little punk and recalls the details of last week's incident. He says he did it because he can. He says he imposes his will on anybody he wants. He issues a challenge for Lockdown and the remainder of Fortune comes out and charge the ring. This is an all-out brawl, folks. Fortune dispatches of Ray and Hardy and Beer Money goes to give Flair the DWI when the lights go red and Abyss shows up. He completely destroys all of Fortune.
Mexican America is out. Hernandez first introduces Sarita and Rosita and then the mystery man, Anarchia. They all speak a lot of Spanish. I don't speak Spanish. They don't do it nearly as well as Ricardo Rodriguez. Hernandez says no longer will the people be worshiping the American flag (which comes down from the ceiling) but instead the Mexican flag (and a bigger Mexican flag comes down and covers it).
Here's Matt Morgan and Brother Devon and they accept their challenge for a street fight.
Match #3 - Hernandez (Houston, Texas) & Anarchia (Parts Unknown) vs. Matt Morgan (Fairfield, Conn.) & Brother Devon (New York City)
This match is all Morgan and Devon. Fallaway slam and rapid fire elbows connect for Morgan on Hernandez. Now the girls get involved. Velvet Sky runs down but is quickly outnumbered. Velvet's being beatdown when Angelina Love calmly walks down the ramp with a weird look on her face. Then Winter follows and screams "Angelina!" and gives Angelina the come hither motion and Angelina, apparently in a trance, comes back. Through all this, Anarchia hits Devon with something and pins him. Eight million things going on at once. Welcome to TNA.
Winners via pinfall: Hernandez & Anarchia
Match #4 - Ink Inc. vs. Scott Steiner (Detroit, Mich.) & Crimson (Brooklyn, NY)
Steiner sends Neal into orbit early. Then he hits his elbow drop and subsequent pushups. He brings in Crimson and they hit a double team shoulder block. Crimson killing Moore now but Moore makes a comeback and hits a moonsault. Moore looks for a tag but Neal is still on the floor. The timeout allows Crimson to hit Red Alert and get the pin.
Winners via pinfall: Scott Steiner & Crimson
After the match, Moore wipes his rear end with Steiner's chain mail and this sets Steiner off. They have to be separated.
Match #5 - Rob Van Dam (Battle Creek, Mich.) vs. Mr. Anderson (Green Bay, Wisc.)
RVD fires up out of a headlock. RVD with a reversal and he sends Anderson into the corner. Anderson comes charging out and RVD ducks his clothesline and Anderson sends the referee into low orbit with it.
Superkick for RVD and he goes for the cover. No ref, so Sting rolls in and Anderson kicks out at two. Then Anderson hits the plunge for two. Another headlock for Anderson. RVD up and he kicks Anderson in the face. Two clotheslines and another kick connect. RVD with the split-legged moonsault for two. Now the two spill to the floor.
They battle. Anderson picks up a chair and throws it in the ring. As Sting dispatches of it. Anderson low blows RVD and then Mic Check's him right into the post. RVD is down. Anderson rolls back into the ring and implores Sting to start counting. Sting's not counting so Anderson's getting mad. He punches Sting and now these two start going at it. And the bell rings. What? Who called for that bell?
Sting and Anderson are finally broken up by the usual bunch of idiots. I guess RVD is your winner by disqualification.
Sorting all out and well, looks like the bell ringing is an angle as Anderson is yelling about who rung the bell. RVD is your winner.
Matt Bishop can be reached at email@example.com. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. Should be a good one!.