Impact: Styles, Suicide, Hernandez return
MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on TNA Impact: The countdown to Against All Odds is almost up. On this edition of Impact, we get the fallout from Fortune leaving Immortal last week, plus two big matches. Mr. Anderson defends the TNA title against Matt Morgan and AJ Styles returns to in-ring action, teaming with Kurt Angle to face Jeff Jarrett and Jeff Hardy. Also on the show, Suicide and Hernandez make their returns and a new Knockout debuts.
As always, tonight's taped show emanates from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Fla. "The Professor" Mike Tenay and The Tazz are our hosts.
The suddenly thinner (OK, maybe not) Immortal is out to start the show. Eric Bischoff says he doesn't give a damn about Fortune. He then buries all the members of Fortune, including calling Kazarian the "Clay Aiken of professional wrestling." What does that mean? He then hands the mic over to one of the greatest MMA fighters of all time, Jeff Jarrett.
Jarrett immediately calls out Fortune. Jarrett challenges them to grow a set and come down and talk face-to-face, so here they come. Jarrett says they were nothing when he hired them and they're still nothing. He calls them ungrateful SOBs. He says James Storm's old partner was as worthless as the one he has today. Then Robert Roode grabs the mic away from Jarrett and tells him to hold on. He says Jarrett gave them the opportunity, no doubt, but they build Jarrett's company from the ground up. He says they are the heart and soul of TNA and deep down, Jarrett knows that's the truth.
Roode says they all had a chance to go elsewhere, but they stayed in TNA because of the love they had for the company and the belief they had in TNA. He says they have risen to the top and they will continue to rise. Roode then tells Jarrett to do something about it and calls him "slapnuts." Jarrett slaps him and it's on. Immortal gains the brief upper hand with the numbers game until Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner and Crimson make the save and run them off.
Eric Bischoff is backstage with HERNANDEZ of all people, who hasn't been seen in eleventy billion years.
Match #1 - Tables Match - Matt Hardy (Cameron, NC), Bully Ray (New York City) & The Pope (Harlem, NY) vs. Rob Van Dam (Battle Creek, Mich.), Brother Devon (New York City) & Samoa Joe (Isle of Samoa)
Lots of brawling early. RVD and Hardy end up in the ring and RVD hits Hardy with Rolling Thunder and sends him outside with a kick. Hardy grabs a chair and RVD slingshots to the outside right into it. Now Brother Devon and Bully Ray in the ring. Elbow and low blow for Ray. He goes for a table but stops to talk to Devon's kids in the front row. They just the rail and hold Ray's ankles on the apron and Devon comes over and knocks him off and he goes through the table he set up. That's it.
Winners via tabling: Brother Devon, Rob Van Dam & Samoa Joe
Jeff and Karen Jarrett are in the ring. Karen says she feels sorry for everyone's dysfunctional marriages. She says she's going to give everyone a chance to be like a Jarrett, where there's love 24/7. Then Kurt Angle's music hits. Jarrett has an eight-man security team standing in the middle of the ring separating them.
Karen patronizes Kurt. Kurt asks for the damn papers and wants to get it over with. Jarrett tells him to watch his language because his kids are at home watching this. That was great. Jarrett says hold on. He says he has nothing left to prove at Against All Odds and there's not a person in the world who thinks Angle has a chance at Against All Odds, so he wants to up the ante. If Angle wins, he gets sole custody of his kids. Karen doesn't like this. But if Jarrett beats Angle, Angle must walk Karen down the aisle when they renew their wedding vows in three weeks. Karen is still not happy. Jarrett signs the contract and hands it over to Angle. Angle signs it. His music plays and he takes off.
Match #2 - Sarita, Rosita, Tara & Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, Winter & Mickie James
Rosita is Sarita's debuting cousin.
Bickering between Winter and Velvet allows Rosita to come up from behind and hit Velvet. Sarita comes in and beats down Velvet and Rosita comes off the top with a moonsault and gets the pin.
Winners via pinfall: Sarita, Rosita, Tara & Madison Rayne
Mickie grabs a mic and tells Madison she's sick of waiting and to come back to the ring and do this now.
Madison suggests Mickie hang up the boots because she hasn't been able to get the job done in TNA. Madison says Mickie can stay and let her continue to embarrass her or she can leave and walk out while she still can.
Angle is giving Roode and Styles a pep talk backstage for their match against Hardy and Jarrett later. Roode volunteers his spot in the match to Angle because of what Angle has done for them in the last few weeks.
Match #3 - TNA World Heavyweight Championship - (c) Mr. Anderson (Green Bay, Wisc.) vs. Matt Morgan (Fairfield, Conn.)
The match is about to start when Jeff Hardy comes out dragging a ladder behind him. He's going to watch this match from atop the ladder.
Morgan gets the heat. Anderson gets up from a chinlock and they exchange punches but Morgan comes in with a high knee. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint but Anderson ducks. Anderson can't get Morgan up for the Plunge so he comes off the second rope with a clothesline. After a ref bump, Morgan goes to the outside and Hernandez shoes up and starts beating up Morgan. He sends him back into the ring where Anderson pins him.
Winner via pinfall and STILL TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Mr. Anderson
Hernandez comes in and attacks Anderson after the match, setting him up for a Hardy Swanton Bomb.
Match #4 - X Division Qualifying Series - Brian Kendrick (Venice, Calif.) vs. Robbie E. (Seaside Heights, NJ) vs. Suicide (Parts Unknown)
Wow, everyone's coming back on this show.
Suicide gets going with slams on Robbie and then drops Kendrick onto Robbie. He rams Kendrick into the second buckle. Dropkick connects on Robbie. Now Kendrick gets going on Suicide with two kicks and a flying forearm. Suicide with a flip slam on Kendrick but Cookie takes the ref and Robbie comes in, disposes of Suicide and pins Kendrick to move on to the No. 1 contenders match at Against All Odds against Max and Jeremy Buck.
Winner via pinfall: Robbie E.
Match #5 - Jeff Jarrett (Hendersonville, Tenn.) & Jeff Hardy (Cameron, NC) vs. Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, Pa.) & AJ Styles (Gainesville, Ga.)
Hardy goes to work on Angle. He showboats as he goes to the top, though, and Angle runs up and hits him with a belly-to-belly off the top. Angle gets the big tag to Styles. Hardy brings in Jarrett. Styles with a back suplex for two. He calls for the Styles Clash but Jarrett counters but Styles counters that into the Pele. He covers but Hardy makes the save. Hardy hits Styles with a front suplex but then Angle comes in and sends Hardy flying with a German suplex. Now the straps are down and Angle is stalking Jarrett. Jarrett is able to slither out of the Angle Slam and goes running. He comes back into the ring and keeps kick to keep Angle out. Angle gets distracted by Karen and as that happens, Styles comes flying in with the springboard flying forearm and pins Jarrett.
Winners via pinfall: AJ Styles & Kurt Angle
Styles and Angle are celebrating after the match when Jarrett low blows them both. He gives Styles the Stroke and then Angle gets one, as well. Jarrett puts the boots to Angle and Hardy hits Styles with a Twist of Hate. The beatdown is on. They start celebrating when Fortune makes the save. Now here comes Immortal and Immortal leaves the babyfaces laying. What? Now here comes RVD. Kicks for Matt Hardy, Gunner and Murphy. He sets his sights on Rob Terry when Matt Hardy chop blocks him. Now he goes to work on the left leg. Now here comes Mr. Anderson. Gunner and Murphy get taken out and then Rob Terry gets a Mic Check. Jarrett bails. Fortune limps back into the ring, battered and bruised, to end the show. This was so confusing.
Matt Bishop can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. Should be a good one!.