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Tonight on TNA Impact: After much hype, we finally find out who They V2.0 are. Who will join Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner and Crimson in "they?" Also on the show, Mr. Anderson defends his TNA World Heavyweight Championship in a return match against Jeff Hardy.
As always, tonight's taped show emanates from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Fla. "The Professor" Mike Tenay and The Tazz are our hosts.
Cold open and all of Immortal it seems is in the ring. "We want Flair" the crowd chants. Eric Bischoff says they sent Scott Steiner a special invitation and they call him out. His music hits and here comes Big Poppa Pump.
Bischoff says he's about business, so he's going to forget everything that's happened recently. Then Bischoff just conveniently drops in that Dixie Carter got a continuance on her case so Hulk Hogan won't be there. That doesn't make any sense. Why would Carter want a continuance when she's trying to regain control of the company? Wasn't this lawsuit her way of doing that? And she got a continuance? I don't understand. Welcome to Impact, boys and girls.
Bischoff actually name drops Kevin Nash and Booker T here. That's great. Bischoff says he and Steiner should let bygones be bygones and Steiner should join Immortal. Steiner says he's going to stick his foot up Bischoff's ass. He says he thought Bischoff was a piece of (crap) when they met and he hasn't changed. Steiner says he's more of a man than all these (censored) combined. He says he's going to grab Bischoff's pencil neck and snap it. Then Kurt Angle's music hits and he and Crimson come out and Steiner joins them on the ramp. Angle tells Bischoff that They are here and it's real.
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Match #1 - Ink Inc. vs. Gunner & Murphy
Immortal's security team immediately start beating up the significantly smaller Ink Inc. They go to work on Jesse Neal. Murphy with an armbar. Neal gets up but runs right into a real big boot. Gunner in and he gets hit with a facebuster and makes the tag to Shannon Moore. Murphy back in now. Moore running wild. He goes to the top and hits a moonsault but Gunner breaks up the pin. Gunner holds Moore for a big boot but Moore moves and Murphy hits Gunner. Then Ink Inc. hits Murphy with the Mooregasm and that's it.
Winners via pinfall: Ink Inc.
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Bully Ray and The Pope are in the ring. Ray says it's nice to finally have a partner he can depend on. Crowd chants for Devon. Pope says Devon is an afterthought. Pope says he's going to expose Samoa Joe as a sloppy Joe. Whatever that means.
Match #2 - Bully Ray (New York City) & The Pope (Harlem, NY) vs. Brother Devon (New York City) & Samoa Joe (Isle of Samoa)
OK, this is absurd. Before the bell even rings, Samoa Joe chases Pope out of the ringside area. In the ring, Ray has practically choked Devon out with a chain. But as the ref enters the ring, Devon makes a comeback. They brawl to the outside and Devon grabs a chair and hits Ray with it. What is going on here? Is this a match? Did the bell even ring? If it did, why is this not a DQ? Garbage like this is why nobody cares about TNA.
So they brawl. It's actually not bad. Devon has Ray mounted on the ramp when the usual bunch of idiots pull Devon off. Ray grabs a cup of something, takes a drink and spits it on two teenagers in the front row. We're told these are Devon's kids. Devon is not happy.
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Match #2 - Jeremy Buck (Los Angeles, Calif.) vs. Douglas Williams (The United Kingdom) vs. Jay Lethal (Elizabeth, NJ)
This is an X-Division No. 1 contender qualifying match.
Like last week's match, this is basically one spot after another. Williams puts Buck on the corner. Williams goes for a back suplex but Lethal comes up and they hit the tower of doom spot. Lethal for the cover on Williams but he kicks out. Lethal and Williams punch it out in the centre of the ring. Lethal getting going. He goes for the springboard back-elbow but Williams catches him with the Chaos Theory Suplex. But Max Buck jumps on the apron and takes the ref and Jeremy comes in and hits Williams in the "yambag region" and pins Lethal.
Winner via pinfall: Jeremy Buck
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Mr. Anderson is out. The champ calls out Jeff Hardy. I have no idea what Anderson is talking about. Anderson complains that whenever he faces Hardy, there's always people running in. He wants Hardy to agree to no interference in tonight's match. Hardy says may the best man win and offers his hand to Anderson which he accepts. Interesting…
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Match #3 - Taped Fist Match - Sarita (Mexico City, Mexico) vs. Mickie James (Richmond, Va.)
Yes, a random taped fist match between two Knockouts. Welcome to Impact.
James going for the flying Thesz Press but Sarita moves and James is able to land standing up. They go the outside and Mickie pulls Sarita onto the apron. Now Sarita hits Mickie's hand onto the post and Sarita goes to work on the right hand. Oh, apparently you win this match by punching your opponent in the face. Which, for some reason, Sarita is refusing to do. She could've done it about 15 times now. Just end this already.
Mickie hits Sarita with an awful head scissors but can't sustain momentum. Again Sarita doesn't punch Mickie. Mickie fires up out of the corner and then clocks Sarita and she goes down. Mickie, also unaware of the rules (glad I'm not the only one), goes for a pin but referee Andrew Thomas just checks the arm and calls for the bell.
Winner via knockout: Mickie James
Madison Rayne comes out of the crowd and lays James out.
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Match #4 - TNA World Heavyweight Championship - (c) Mr. Anderson (Green Bay, Wisc.) vs. Jeff Hardy (Cameron, NC)
Hardy attacks Anderson from behind as he's doing his intro on the ramp. Anderson quickly makes a comeback and they fight to the ringside area. They brawl. And brawl. And brawl. Referees can't keep them apart. Finally Al Snow comes out. I'm sure he'll restore order. Oh wait, nope. "We need to get control," Tenay says. On so many levels.
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Hardy takes control and works a headlock in the middle of the ring. Anderson fires up and charges Hardy in the corner but eats an elbow. Hardy follows with Whisper in the Wind. Both men down now and referee Jackson James is counting. He's at seven. Both men stirring. They start punching each other from their knees so he stops the count. Boo/Yay punches that Anderson gets the better of. Back drop for Anderson and a spinning neckbreaker for two.
Anderson calls for the Mic Check but Hardy counts with elbows but Anderson comes back with a spinning back kick. Yes, Mr. Anderson. Anderson goes for a suplex but Hardy stops him with punches. Front suplex for Hardy for two. Hardy goes for the Twist of Hate but Anderson pushes him into James. Then he hits him with it. Anderson down and Hardy waves to the back and out comes members of Immortal. It's Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, Gunner and Murphy. Now here comes Fortune. The beatdown is on. Matt Hardy hits Anderson with a Side Effect.
Matt slaps hands with everyone. AJ Styles tells Hardy to hold Anderson up and he goes to punch him, only he stops and holds up the Fortune hand sign and the members of Fortune start beating up the Immortal members. Styles and Hardy stare each other down and Hardy turns right into a big clothesline from Robert Roode. He bails and Styles hits Hardy with the Styles Clash.
Styles gets Anderson moving and Beer Money puts the referee back into the ring and he counts the fall.
Winner via pinfall and STILL TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Mr. Anderson
Styles hands Anderson the title belt and then we just go to commercial.
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Styles has the mic. Styles says he told Bischoff that he and Fortune were not taking a backseat to anyone. He says Bischoff brought this all on himself. Styles says "they" is them. Bischoff comes storming out and calls Styles an inbred punk and a bunch of other schoolyard insults. He says they were nothing before he and Hogan got there. More schoolyard insults. I heard he slings those around on podcasts, too.
Styles says he saw through Bischoff's smoke and mirrors. He says Bischoff and Hogan aren't going to put TNA out of business. He says they hired guys that didn't deserve to be in wrestling in the first place. The crowd chants "we want six sides." Bischoff says Styles has dug his own grave. Styles says the men in the ring with him were the ones who built the company.
Bischoff tells Styles to mark March 3 on his calendar and that's when Hogan gains control and that's when they'll hang them out to dry. Styles says that's not going to happen when they dismember Immortal piece-by-piece.
I thought everything on this show, with a few exceptions, was horrid. The title match and the final promo redeemed the show, for the most part. If TNA can keep this kind of intensity going, this could be good. Time will tell.
Matt Bishop can be reached at bishop20@msu.edu. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. Should be a good one!.