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Impact: 'Big Bad Booty Daddy' saves day for reinstated Angle
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling


Tonight on TNA Impact: Sometimes, the folks at Total Nonstop Action Wrestling pull out something that actually surprises you. This was one of those nights. Facing a 7-on-2 handicap match, the newly-reinstated Kurt Angle and Crimson were badly outnumbered. Knowing this, Angle placed a call to a certain genetic freak who came and saved the day.

As always, tonight's taped show emanates from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Fla. "The Professor" Mike Tenay and The Tazz are our hosts.

Kurt Angle is walking to the ring. He asks the crowd how many of them would like to see him in the ring one more time. Of course, they cheer. Them Immortal's music hits and Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair and all of Immortal are out on the ramp. Bischoff says Angle's done. He needs to do something else. He says Angle's days of wrestling are over. Bischoff says if Angle wants an asskicking, though, he came to the right place. Bischoff sends members of Immortal down to the ring to tune Angle up. They surround the ring. He fights off the first two but the numbers game catches up to him. James Storm is about to use the beer bottle on Angle when Crimson comes in through the crowd and makes the save with a baseball bat.

Flair grabs the mic, calls Crimson a dumbass and tells Angle if he wants to wrestle again, he's lifting the ban and that he's got Jeff Jarrett tonight. Crowd believes none of this. Jarrett is angry. Flair tells them to calm down. Flair says Angle and Crimson have Jarrett, Beer Money, Kazarian, Gunner, Murphy and Rob Terry. Flair goes batty.

(Ads)

Match #1 - Elimination Match - Sarita (Mexico City, Mexico), Madison Rayne (Seattle, Wash.) & Tara (State of California) vs. Mickie James (Richmond, Va.), Angelina Love (Toronto, Ontario) & Velvet Sky

Rayne goes for the loaded glove on Sky but Sky ducks and Rayne holds up before clocking Sarita. But in the confusion with the ref getting Rayne out of the way, Sarita horribly rolls Sky up and pins her.

Velvet Sky eliminated

Then, somehow, Rayne hit herself with the loaded glove. James pins her.

Madison Rayne eliminated

Then Sarita immediately rolls James up and pins her. I mean immediately.

Mickie James eliminated

(Ads)

Sarita and Love go at it. Jawbreaker for Love. Sarita reverses an Irish whip and takes the ref as Tara hits Love with the elbow brace but she kicks out at two. Tara and Sarita use quick tags and are dominating Love. Angelina, though, is able to reverse Sarita and armdrag her out of the way. She then hits Tara with the Botox Injection and that's it for Tara.

Tara eliminated

Sarita tries to roll Love up but she is immediately reversed and pinned.

Winner via pinfall: Angelina Love

Kurt Angle is backstage on the phone with someone, telling him they're going to have to "speed up the process" and he needs him there from the hotel tonight. Suspense!

(Ads)

Match #2 - Amazing Red (Brooklyn, NY) vs. Max Buck (Los Angeles, Calif.) vs. Chris Sabin (Detroit, Mich.)

Red gets rolling on Buck and hits a real fast tornado DDT for two. Red to the apron. He springboards in and is caught in a suplex position and corkscrewed to the mat and Buck makes the save on the pin. Facebuster connects for Buck but Red makes the save. Things going fast and furious here. Red has a good pinning opportunity on Sabin but Jeremy Buck hops on the apron for the distraction. Red goes to the top but Jeremy crotches him. Buck hits a draping DDT on Red off the top turnbuckle and that's it.

Winner via pinfall: Max Buck

(Ads)

Jeff Hardy is out. He calls the fans "marks and Internet junkies." Half the crowd chants "Where's your title?" and the other half chants "Hardy." Way to go TNA. He says he's going to take the moment of beating Mr. Anderson next week and "shove it up all your people's asses." This promo could not possibly be any worse.

Then Mr. Anderson's music hits and I've never been happier to see him in my entire life. Anderson taunts Hardy with the fact he won the title with Hardy's face on it at the last pay-per-view. He says he'll remain champion and walks off.

(Ads)

Velvet Sky is out and immediately calls Winter and bitch for trying to break up The Beautiful People. She says she has something to say to her, "you glass-bottom, bolt-loving bitch." She calls out Winter. As Velvet beats on Winter, crowd chants "kiss and make up," clearly taking this seriously. Velvet going completely psycho when Winter takes over the brawl and starts hammering Velvet. Angelina Love comes running out and pries Winter off Velvet. As Angelina tends to Velvet, the crowd chants, "she's a screamer." This was a complete and total failure.

(Ads)

The Pope is out and says he's going to do something none of the crowd would ever do. He says he's going to lead by example because he's pure. He says he's going to confess. He kneels down and says, "Joe, I don't like you!" He says he's going to give a member of the crowd a chance to give a confession next week. Pope has spoken.

(Ads)

They have Dixie Carter on the phone and the verdict of her court date with Hulk Hogan and Bischoff will come down next Thursday. Carter says she's confident. Bischoff is here with a rebuttal. He says Dixie has been drinking the Kool-Aid so long she doesn't know the difference between that an an 18-year old scotch. He says there is no new "they."

(Ads)

Match #3 - Matt Hardy (Cameron, NC) vs. Mr. Anderson (Green Bay, Wisc.)

Hardy posts Anderson twice in short order early on. He tries for a third but referee Earl Hebner stands in the way. Hardy hits a death valley driver for two. Anderson reverses a Twist of Fate attempt into the plunge for two. Anderson goes for the Mic Check but Hardy blocks that and hits the Side Effect. Hardy goes for a cocky pin but Anderson pulls him down and pins him.

Winner via pinfall: Mr. Anderson

Anderson goes up the ramp and is attacked from behind by Jeff Hardy. The Hardys start to beat on Anderson when Rob Van Dam makes the save and runs them off.

(Ads)

Match #4 - Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, Pa.) & Crimson (Brooklyn, NY) vs. Jeff Jarrett (Hendersonville, Tenn.), Kazarian (Anaheim, Calif.), James Storm (Leipers Fork, Tenn.), Robert Roode (Wall Street), Rob Terry (Cardiff, Wales), Gunner & Murphy

Jarrett, despite being put in the match, is not out to start the match. Crimson in to start. He runs wild on Roode and then brings in Angle. The numbers game catches up to Angle quickly and he eats a Backstabber from Storm. Storm goes for the Last Call Superkick but Angle ducks and he hits referee Brian Hebner and hits Storm with the Angle Slam. Then it all breaks down as Angle and Crimson are severely outnumbered.

As the beatdown is on, Jarrett's music hits. He walks hand-in-hand with Karen and even takes his pyro. Jarrett gets in the ring and taunts Angle and gets a German suplex. That hope lasts for no time whatsoever as he is immediately beat back down. Then Jackson James comes down and counts Jarrett's pin on Angle.

Winners via pinfall: Jeff Jarrett, Kazarian, James Storm, Robert Roode, Rob Terry, Gunner & Murphy

Jarrett gives Angle the bad mouth after the match and orders Gunner and Murphy to continue the beatdown. That continues until Matt Morgan runs down but he, too, is quickly overwhelmed by Immortal. Then the lights go out and sirens sound and they come back up and in the ring is Scott Steiner in a suit with a lead pipe! All of Immortal runs off. "I'm here to kick all yer asses!" Steiner yells at them.

Matt Bishop can be reached at bishop20@msu.edu. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. Should be a good one!.