January 7, 2011
Impact: Angle returns as Genesis is upon us
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on TNA Impact: It's the night many TNA fans have been waiting for as Kurt Angle returns tonight on Impact to confront Jeff Jarrett. Also on the show, the non-Immortal titleholders are given stiff challenges before they meet their Immortal opponents Sunday at Genesis.
As always, tonight's taped show emanates from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Fla. "The Professor" Mike Tenay and The Tazz are our hosts.
Immortal is out to start the show. Eric Bischoff talks about wanting all the titles because they get the power. He says he wants to welcome out all the champions that hold titles they don't have. First out is Jay Lethal. He assures Lethal he won't be harmed by coming into the ring. Then he welcomes out the Motor City Machine Guns. Then he brings out Douglas Williams. Bischoff completely loses me when he talks about five-star matches. He says no BS at Genesis, just great matches. Bischoff says he's going to sharpen their competitive skills tonight. He books Lethal against Abyss, Williams against Rob Terry and the Machine Guns against AJ Styles and Kazarian. Bischoff then insists they all shake hands. Of course, this is a double cross as Bischoff says "this is not what we talked about" and then says "there will be fines!" That's a good one. Then Rob Van Dam's music hits. He takes out Gunner and Murphy on his way out as the babyfaces stage a comeback as Immortal bails.
RVD grabs a mic and says he's done playing games when Bischoff is ready to put his champion in the ring with him. He then wants to know his opponent at Genesis. Bischoff declines.
Oh man, the best part of the show is here for the second segment. That's right, it's time for the Double J Double M A Open Challenge.
Jarrett has a mic and says he's made a few tweaks to the challenge due to TNA's legal department. He says first, if someone is going to accept the challenge, they can't be taller than him because he does not want anyone to get seriously hurt. Second, he says the challenge is now just an exhibition. It's no longer a real competition because he doesn't want anyone to get seriously hurt. I love this man.
He has a stack of waivers for potential opponents. He finds someone from the Twilight series, I guess. I'm not familiar with it. He's only 14, I think. He's apparently in the Junior Black Belt Hall of Fame. He wants to do it. He is shorter than Jarrett, but Jarrett makes the boy's father stand up and disqualifies him because he will eventually be taller than Jarrett. Awesome.
He finds someone from the back of the crowd. He is a rather sickly looking fellow. He signs the waiver. This is Jonathan from San Juan, Puerto Rico, now residing near Orlando. Jarrett then cheap shots him. He taps him out with the ankle lock. Naturally Jarrett holds it on very, very long. Then, out of the crowd, Kurt Angle comes flying in. Jarrett and Team Jarrett bail. Angle has a mic and says he's in. He says they're about the same height. He then picks up the waiver that was left in the ring and signs it for Genesis. Jarrett screams at him that Angle said he'd never wrestle again. Angle, of course, informs Jarrett that it isn't a wrestling match, it's an exhibition. He signs it and says he'll see him at Genesis.
Match #1 - AJ Styles (Gainesville, Ga.) & Kazarian (Anaheim, Calif.) vs. Motor City Machine Guns (Detroit, Mich.)
Styles and Kazarian in control but Sabin comes flying out of the corner and runs Kazarian over with a clothesline. Both men tag. Shelley meets Styles in the middle of the ring with a chop. Shelley hits Styles and then hits a slingshot crossbody onto Kazarian on the outside. Styles goes for a Chaos Theory Suplex but after a series of reversals, Shelley hits a brainbuster and Kazarian breaks it up. Styles tries to hit Shelley with the belt but he ducks and Sabin kicks him. He goes right to Shelley who hits him with Sliced Bread for the pin.
Winners via pinfall: Motor City Machine Guns
The Guns are celebrating when they are attacked from behind by Beer Money.
The Pope is out and he wants to know who is following him around with a video camera during Pope's personal time. He wants to know who's doing and calls them out. Samoa Joe's music hits. Joe talks about perception. He says Pope isn't a street saint, he's a scumbag. He says instead of helping people, Pope was at the nickel booth at the strip club. He says Pope asks for goods for charity but he checked, and they were getting the goods. He says Pope bought up puppies to take to the orphanage but he checked with the orphanage and they aren't walking any dogs. In fact, Pope's house has 35 noise complaints this week. Pope yells at Joe for passing judgment on him. He says he has a pitbull of his own and found out they're the best company a kid can have. He tells Joe to check himself before he wrecks himself. He says the next time he falsely accuses Pope, they're going to have a problem. He walks off.
Match #2 - Madison Rayne (Seattle, Wash.) & Sarita (Mexico City, Mexico) vs. Mickie James (Richmond, Va.) & Velvet Sky (Parts Unknown
Heels isolate Sky and taunt Mickie at the same time. Velvet is being completely dominated until she hits a DDT out of nowhere. Then Mickie comes in and beats the tar out of Rayne. The referee is distracted by James when Tara hits Velvet with the elbow brace and Sarita pins here.
Winners via pinfall: Sarita & Madison Rayne
Match #3 - Rob Terry (Cardiff, Wales) vs. Douglas Williams (The United Kingdom)
Williams is evading Terry with his speed and then lands some knees. He goes off the ropes and runs into a shoulderblock and rolls to the outside. When he's out there, AJ Styles comes out of nowhere and beats up Williams.
Winner via disqualification: Douglas Williams
In true TNA fashion, Styles rolls him into the ring, beats him up a little more and they cut away in about five seconds.
Match #4 - Abyss (Parts Unknown) vs. Jay Lethal (Elizabeth, NJ)
Lethal tries to get going but can't knock Abyss down until he hits a missile dropkick for two. But Abyss stops him from coming off the top again and sends him flying. Then Lethal runs right into a Black Hole Slam but Abyss waits to cover and then when he does, pulls him up to beat him down some more. Abyss beats him down in the corner and doesn't relent.
Winner via disqualification: Jay Lethal
Kazarian strolls down the ramp and talks to Lethal, who has been beaten down. He asks Lethal to stand. Of course, he can't, so Abyss picks him up and then Kazarian shakes his hand and Abyss throws him down.
Match #5 - Jeff Jarrett (Hendersonville, Tenn.) vs. Rob Van Dam (Battle Creek, Mich.)
Jarrett is not doing well until he avoids Rolling Thunder before RVD can execute it and goes for a few laps around the ring. Gunner and Murphy provide a distraction and Jarrett, back in the ring, takes over. He locks in a sleeper but RVD gets out. Then Team Jarrett members start hitting the ring and finally Gunner and Murphy start beating down RVD. The announcers then say this is no DQ. I must've missed that. So why didn't they just all attack him from the start. RVD starts to make his own comeback when Jeff Hardy comes in and hits RVD with the Twist of Hate and that's it.
Winner via pinfall: Jeff Jarrett
Jarrett's celebrating while Hardy continues the beatdown. Then Jarrett joins in. Then Matt Morgan makes the save and takes out both Hardy and Jarrett. He works over Jarrett when Hardy grabs the chair and looks to hit Morgan in the back of the head but Mr. Anderson comes in and grabs the chair. He swings it at Hardy but he ducks and Anderson hits Morgan in the back as the Jeffs bail.