December 4, 2010
Smackdown: Three men and a dummy
By DAVE HILLHOUSE -- SLAM! Wrestling

The hijinks between Edge and Kane continue with more fake Paul Bearers suffering horrible injuries; plus, in the topsy-turvy, tape-delayed world of Smackdown, tonight’s show in Norfolk, VA, features a match involving the already departed MVP.

First up, though, Rey Mysterio comes to the ring, which is all decorated with tables, ladders, and chairs. Mysterio has a chip on his shoulder, and explains that he is sick and tired of dealing with Alberto Del Rio. I’m sure that the feeling is mutual. Mysterio announces a Ladder Match at TLC with Del Rio, and surely now they’ll shake hands and depart. Mysterio seems unable to wait, however, and attacks Del Rio, eventually sending him through a table.

Backstage, Vickie Guerrero is talking about how well things are going with Dolph Ziggler, when her day is ruined by the sight of Kaitlyn and the news that she is the newest Smackdown Diva.

Match #1 –Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kaval and MVP

Is this what Drew McIntyre meant by splitting up with Cody Rhodes to find singles success? Kaval and MVP are, ironically, a good-looking team – and not just because of the similar outfits. They double-team well and compliment styles. Ah well, no more Ballin’ Elbow after tonight. After some stallin’ and brawlin’, Guerrero starts bawlin’ to the ref, allowing Ziggler to come crawlin’ up behind and hit Kaval with the Zig-Zag for the win.

Winners via pinfall: Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre

Ziggler and McIntyre’s celebration is short-lived, though, as Kane descends upon the ring. The bad guys split, and Kane lays Kaval and MVP out. The champ grabs a mic and demands that Edge return his father. Edge appears on the Titantron with Bearer in a wheelchair. To paraphrase Old Biff from Back to the Future Part Two, there’s something awfully familiar about all this. Kane chases Edge through the parking garage, shocked to see something fall out of a truck and onto Bearer – but, of course, it’s a dummy. Kane fumes.

Match #2 – Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger (WITHOUT The Swagger Soaring Eagle) – Match to Determine #1 Contender for the Intercontinental Championship

Swagger keeps Kingston down on the mat for most of the match, hammering and stretching the high-flying arsenal right out of him. Kingston finds his equalizer when Swagger runs into the stairs outside the ring. Both miss their favourite maneuvers, but Kingston finally strikes with a unique Trouble in Paradise – with Kingston on the outside and Swagger leaning out through the ropes.

Winner via pinfall and new #1 Contender for the Intercontinental Championship: Kofi Kingston

Kane is somewhere in the arena when he sees Bearer go down a set of stairs – no, wait, it was a dummy.

Match #3 – Dashing Cody Rhodes vs. Chris Masters

Rhodes dodges a punch to the face early on and steps between the ropes for a breather. Masters actually clamps on the Master Lock, but has to break the hold at the count of five. Rhodes recovers and finishes the job with the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Dashing Cody Rhodes

Match #4 – Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. Rosa Mendes

Mendes’ long history with Lay-Cool, centered largely on the former Co-Women’s Champions’ assessment of her fitness, must have proven to be a distraction as Layla takes the win easily with the Lay-Out.

Winner via pinfall: Layla

After the bell, Hornswoggle comes to the defence of Mendes, but he ends up in trouble himself. In comes the true saviour, Beth Phoenix, to clear the ring. The Swagger Soaring Eagle then joins the party and pushes Hornswoggle around. Phoenix drops the Eagle with the Glam Slam – which, let’s be honest, wouldn’t have hurt him at all with all that padding.

Match #5 – Edge vs. Kane – Winner to choose stipulation for the match at TLC

Both wrestlers use their natural talents: Kane dominates early with his brute strength, but Edge counters with his deviousness. This is an awfully long match considering they just fought at Survivor Series and are going at it again in two weeks. Paul Bearer appears on the big screen again, calling for Kane’s help. Kane considers going after him, though it would mean a count-out loss, but Edge makes his mind up for him and spears the distracted Kane as he re-enters the ring, taking the win.

Winner via pinfall: Edge

Edge makes his grand proclamation at the top of the ramp: the title match at TLC will be a, well, TLC match. Hardly earth-shattering, that news. Edge says that he’ll now return Paul Bearer, and Kane walks up the ramp with relief on his face upon seeing whom he could only presume to be his dad. Alas, it’s an imposter, and Kane beats up the poor guy. Kane then sees Edge backstage once again, driving away with Bearer strapped to an open flat-bed truck.

Dave Hillhouse is a screenwriter and teacher, and fondly remembers the late Leslie Nielsen seeking The Undertaker way back when.


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