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Raw: McMahons go nutty, Pee-wee shines as Lita makes cameo
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling


Tonight on Monday Night Raw: The countdown to Survivor Series is on as John Cena gets in a little guest refereeing spot, as he officiates tonight's main event that pits Wade Barrett and David Otunga against Randy Orton and R-Truth. Elsewhere, The Miz clashes with guest star Pee-wee Herman in a funny segment and Vince McMahon, Stephanie McMahon and Triple H all appear in a strange pre-Election Night segment. Should be a good one!

And we are LIVE! from Long Island, N.Y. Michael Cole and 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler are our hosts. This show is presented in WWEHD (TV-PG, V)

Randy Orton is out to start the show. Orton says he can't accept losing the title because of a crooked referee, especially if that crooked referee is John Cena. He asks Cena to come out to the ring. Cena comes out and asks Orton to cut him some slack. Cena says he's going to try to call things right down the middle. Orton says if Cena does screw him over at Survivor Series Cena will be the biggest phony in WWE. He says if Cena obeys Wade Barrett's orders, he'll disrespect everyone who's been WWE Champion. He then orders Cena out of his ring. Cena nearly flips out, saying Nexus runs the show. He says Barrett has enough skill to compete for the title. He says Barrett doesn't know about respect.

This brings Barrett out. Cena says in three weeks at Survivor Series it's all over. He says, either way, he won't go quietly. He'll leave Barrett a parting gift and promises Barrett a beatdown. Orton says he doesn't have to wait until Survivor Series. He calls Barrett a scared, pathetic little child. He challenges Barrett to come prove otherwise.

Barrett starts walking down the ramp when the GM dings in. The GM says Orton and Barrett should each find partners to have a tag team match tonight with special guest referee John Cena.

(Ads)

Match #1 - Justin Gabriel (Cape Town, South Africa) & Heath Slater (Pineville, WV) vs. The Hart Dynasty (Calgary, Alberta)

Nexus controls and wears down David Hart Smith early on but he hits a scoop slam on Gabriel and brings in Tyson Kidd. He gets moving Gabriel. He hits a nice neckbreaker but Slater breaks it up. Smith dispatches of Slater to the outside and follows up out there. Kidd with a dropkick that sends Gabriel to the outside. Smith picks Slater up and looks for the running powerslam on the floor but Slater slides out and pushes Smith into Gabriel, knocking him out of the way as Kidd comes flying in with an over-the-top rope dive. Kidd flies right into Smith.

Kidd and Gabriel end up back in the ring but Slater distracts Kidd long enough to give Gabriel the upper hand. Gabriel lands a kick to the back of the head and goes to the top and drills Kidd with the 450 Splash and that's it.

Winners via pinfall: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater

Cena is backstage when R-Truth comes up. He says Cena got buck tonight. Whatever that means. Truth wants to know what Cena's going to when the moment of truth comes. Cena says he doesn't know. Truth pushes him for an answer but he doesn't have one. Cena walks away.

(Ads)

Sheamus is out. He says Santino Marella didn't beat him last week because he beat himself. He says he's given Santino a week to bask in the glory of the fluke victory, but he's going to make him pay. He calls Santino out. He's quickly out to the stage. Santino says he went out Trick or Treating last night as Sheamus but everyone thought he was a ghost. He says last night he consumed a tremendous amount of candy. Santino is sick, everybody. He says the doctor says he cannot compete tonight or he'd throw up in his face. He says he does have a replacement, though.

Match #2 - Sheamus (Dublin, Ireland) vs. Kozlov (Moscow, Russia)

Brawling start early. Sheamus beats Kozlov down in the corner and hits a backbreaker. Knees to the head for Sheamus but Kozlov hits some headbutts and a big boot for two with Sheamus getting his foot on the rope. Sheamus gets up and hits a double sledge and then the Brogue Kick and it's goodnight Irene.

Winner via pinfall: Sheamus

Santino tries to attack in the ring but Sheamus stops he. He stalks him up the ramp. Santino offers him candy, money, a credit card and then goes to write him a check when Sheamus attacks. He puts him up for the Celtic Cross when John Morrison makes the save with a kick to the body and a kick to the head.

Orton is walking backstage when he runs into R-Truth. Truth says he didn't like what he saw from Cena earlier. Truth says Cena isn't going to let himself get fired at Survivor Series. He says he thinks Cena is going to count Barrett victorious. Orton says Truth should be his tag team partner tonight, so he can see how Cena treats his friends. Truth accepts.

(Ads)

Mark Henry is backstage bemoaning the loss to tag team partner and friend Evan Bourne to someone on the phone. The camera pulls back to reveal he's talking to Pee-wee Herman right next to him. Herman talks about a blister that came out in a hot bath. What? Henry says he still needs to find a tag partner and that's why he's here to see Herman. He says Herman is his idol and he's just the man to give him a big hug. They hug. Herman says he knows what will cheer Henry up: Diva Twister. In come Eve Torres, Melina and the Bellas. They play Twister briefly when Herman gives his monologue to plug his stuff. Then all of a sudden, of all the people in the world, Lita shows up and joins the game. What?

(Ads)

Match #3 - Zack Ryder (Long Island, NY) vs. Ezekiel Jackson (Guyana, South America)

Quick Jackson squash that he wins with the uranage.

Winner via pinfall: Ezekiel Jackson

(Ads)

Pee-wee Herman is out. Herman gives out tonight's secret word which is "ring." Herman says he's so excited to be here when he's interrupted by The Miz and Alex Riley.

Miz says he thought Raw losing at Bragging Rights was the lowest point in the history of the show but he was long. He says he doesn't like Herman, but Riley does. He was a He-Man type of guy. He says he loved He-Man and Herman says why don't you marry him? He tells Herman to turn around and get out of his ring. Of course, that's the secret word, so Herman screams. Riley tells Miz to not say the secret word. Miz says he doesn't care and says it again to the same yelling and bells. Miz runs down Herman. He calls him a pathetic excuse for a man to which Herman replies, "I know you are but what am I?" Herman then mocks Miz when Riley steps in and gets the same treatment. Miz almost blows a gasket. He threatens to beat Herman into a pulp. Herman laughs it off and says Miz is starting to make him angry. He says he's a loner, a rebel and says he's going to give them one piece of advice: "Don't anger the Pee." He says he has his cousins backstage here. Miz says go ahead, bring him out, bring out the whole family and he'll destroy them all. His cousin turns out to be The Big Show, who comes out dressed just like Herman.

Show runs both Miz and Riley out of the ring and then Herman jumps into Show's arms. Herman makes fun of them when the GM dings in. He books Miz against Show…right now!

(Ads)

Match #4 - The Miz (Cleveland, Ohio) vs. The Big Show (Tampa, Fla.)

Big Show all over Miz early. Show gears up for the knockout punch but Miz rolls out of the way and to the outside. Body slam for Show and then he drops a big elbow. Miz starts to fire up with some punches and kicks and drops Show to a knee with a dropkick to the knee. Chinlock for Miz but Show stands up and falls on his back, squishing Miz in the process. Show goes to the second rope and goes for a Vader Bomb but Miz rolls out of the way. Miz goes up to the top and hits a double ax-handle. Show won't go down. Another one and Show still stands. A third finally drops the giant but Show emphatically kicks out. Show fires up and hits a back-body drop. He goes for a butt splash in the corner but Miz moves. Show recovers and locks in the choke slam grip but Alex Riley jumps on the apron. Show shoves Riley into Miz but Riley drops the briefcase into the ring and Miz hits Show with it right in front of the referee.

Winner via disqualification: The Big Show

Cena and Barrett are backstage. Barrett says after Cena raises his hand in victory tonight, he wants his locker room cleaned. After that, he can scrub his back. Barrett leaves and David Otunga comes up. He says he's got more talent than anybody in Nexus, even Cena.

(Ads)

Match #5 - Ted DiBiase (West Palm Beach, Fla.) vs. Daniel Bryan (Aberdeen, Wash.)

DiBiase sends Bryan flying to the outside. DiBiase tries two covers with his forearm in the face but Bryan kicks out. Bryan gets going with some cradles for two. DiBiase sends Bryan to the corner but he spins out and hits a forearm. Bryan with six straight kicks to the chest. He comes at DiBiase but DiBiase stands up and hits a sit-out for two. DiBiase goes for Dream Street but Bryan counters right into the LeBelle Lock and DiBiase taps.

Winner via submission: Daniel Bryan

(Ads)

Michelle McCool and Layla are out. They are asking the fans for a fresh start. They call Natalya special. They say they are going to give Natalya another chance at the Divas Championship if she can beat McCool tonight.

Match #6 - Michelle McCool (Palatka, Fla.) vs. Natalya (Calgary, Alberta)

Natalya off to a hot start. She goes to the second rope but is pulled down. McCool with a suplex for two. She tries to kick Natalya but she's caught and Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter. McCool gets to the ropes and slides out but Natalya attacks her and brings her back in. McCool tries to attack Natalya as she comes back in but Natalya ducks and McCool puts a boot right to Layla. Natalya then rolls her up and gets the win.

Winner via pinfall: Natalya

Somewhere, a doctor is reading a meter of a patient in a coma. The doctor says something about missing the election. The camera pans down on the patient and it's none other than Vince McMahon.

(Ads)

We're back and we're checking out Mr. McMahon again. The doctor (Freddie Prinze Jr.) is talking about how his wife has been by to see him everyday. He mentions how Linda has spent $50 million on the campaign and then the heart monitor starts racing and Vince sits up and is wide-eyed. "$50 million," he exclaims. McMahon asks what she spent the money on and he tells him. Then he pulls down the blanket to reveal his hospital gown having many Linda McMahon stickers on it. McMahon says he hates politics. He says as long as everything is OK in WWE, he's OK. The doc has an uneasy look. McMahon questions it and the doc says things aren't running smoothly. The Undertaker's been buried, he says. Vince asks about Nexus and is told they are stronger than ever. He says Cena was going to take them apart. He is told Cena now is in Nexus and his heart rate skyrockets again as he sits up. McMahon asks, "what else?" He's told Paul Bearer is back, Goldust is getting married and Raw is being taken over by Pee-wee Herman. Vince sits back up and says "the next thing you're going to tell me is Daniel Bryan is United States Champion." The doc just looks away with a sheepish look on his face. Vince lays back down and starts ripping out the cords saying he has to go to the bathroom. He stands and says if his wife can run for Senate, he could be President. His stomach acts back up and he walks away revealing a Blumenthal banner covering his backside.

Then we cut away to a woman screaming in a dark room. The light is turned on and it's none other than Stephanie McMahon in bed. She says she just had the weirdest dream. She says, "honey, my dad's still in a coma, right?" to which we hear the voice of Triple H assuring her he is, adding he's pretty sure he's brain dead. "Thank God," she says.

That was something, folks.

(Ads)

Match #7 - Wade Barrett (Manchester, England) & David Otunga (Hollywood, Calif.) vs. R-Truth (Charlotte, NC) & Randy Orton (St. Louis, Mo.)

Of course, John Cena is your special guest referee.

Orton takes umbrage with a Cena five-count in the corner and gets in his face. Barrett rolls him up for two. Orton drops Barrett and gets in Cena's face again. Otunga in now and he and Orton go at it. They spill to the outside and Otunga reverses Orton and throws him into the steps.

Barrett in now and he locks in a headlock. Orton gets to his feet and hits a side slam. Both men get tags. The crowd goes absolutely mild for Truth's comeback. He hits a big kick on Otunga for two. Barrett in and he hits a sidewalk slam on Truth. Backbreaker connects for Barrett. Barrett to the second rope but he misses an elbow drop. Both are crawling to their corners when Otunga jumps in and distracts Cena. Truth tags Orton but Cena didn't see it and sends Orton back.

Heel beatdown on Truth continues. Otunga with a headlock but Truth gets out. Both men looking for tags and now Orton jumps in and distracts Cena from seeing Otunga tagging Barrett. As Cena corrals Barrett, Orton hits Otunga with the RKO. Truth pins Otunga.

Winners via pinfall: Randy Orton & R-Truth

Matt Bishop can be reached at bishop20@msu.edu. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. And if you're interested in mixed martial arts, check out Matt's weekly podcast -- Lights Out Radio. Should be a good one!.