October 29, 2010
Impact: Concussions, brawls and more faction wars
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on TNA Impact: Immortal continues its rein of terror over TNA as Eric Bischoff insists Mr. Anderson compete in a chain match with Jeff Jarrett tonight with a concussion. In a show-long story, Fortune's Matt Morgan confronts Immortal's leaders about their treatment of Anderson. When that doesn't work, he steps in for Anderson.
As always, tonight's taped show emanates from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Fla. "The Professor" Mike Tenay and The Tazz are our hosts.
Hot start here. Mickie James and Tara are brawling in catering. There's a bunch of people just standing by yelling for security. The highlight of this is James taking out the cameraman with a Gatorade cooler. I cannot make this up. Thus, we miss the last half of the brawl. Oh wait, apparently they spilled outside where we have a fresh cameraman. And in comes Madison Rayne from behind. They go to double suplex James when The Beautiful People make the save. Now Sarita comes flying in out of nowhere to even it up. Where are Gunner and Murphy when you need them? Tara start whipping and them choking James with her own belt. Now Angelina Love and Rayne battle into the Impact Zone. We hear a loud crash and bang and the announcers go "ooh" yet have no clue what actually happened. Here's Sarita and Velvet brawling near the announce desk. Hey, let's cut back to James and Tara. I am getting seasick watching all these cuts back-and-forth here. Apparently TNA has never heard of split-screen. If WKBD TV-50 in Detroit could use split screen for a Detroit Red Wings game in like 1996 when there were two fights going on simultaneously, then I think TNA has the technology to do so here in 2010. I could be wrong.
Anyway, as Tenay puts it, "amazingly, all six of these Knockouts have made it to the ring." Pretty much my thoughts exactly, except mine had about 100 times more sarcasm. Hey, look. Here's Ric Flair along with the vaunted duo of Gunner and Murphy walking down the ramp. It only took them five-plus minutes to get here from probably 200 feet away. I hope I never have a heart attack, but if I do, I hope Gunner and Murphy aren't driving the meat wagon with this type of response time. Tara slaps Flair and he does a mini Flair Flop. He's upset right now. These three are the Keystone Cops here. Let me get this straight: Gunner and Murphy can stop Kurt Angle with a pipe and Samoa Joe but they can't put an end to this godforsaken brawl?
Well, it looks like Gunner and Murph are getting things in order a little bit here. Now James slaps Flair and he wants to fight. He grabs a mic and asks what is going on here. Crowd chants "let them fight." I vehemently disagree. They start brawling again. Flair then books faces against heels for later in a six-woman match. Didn't see that one coming. Oh hey, they start brawling again and we just cut to the show intro.
Well, here comes The Pope. He's walking backstage with a casket. Folks, let me tell you, TNA Impact is the gift that keeps on giving.
Eric Bischoff and Flair are backstage when the "head trainer" comes into his office expressing his hopes that Mr. Anderson isn't put in the match tonight. He says everybody is in agreement that Anderson should be in the match tonight. The trainer says Anderson has a concussion. Bischoff says this isn't the NFL. Bischoff says Anderson will be in the ring tonight. The trainer asks about Dixie Carter's policy about head trauma and what happened to that. Bischoff says Dixie is gone now.
The Pope is in the ring with the casket at ringside. He wants a match with Abyss and plans to put him in the casket and send him straight to Hell. I think I'd rather be there than watching this show right now. Then Abyss comes walking down through the fans. He says he has standing orders from Immortal and he has been told to take out The Pope. Abyss says when they meet, Pope will need a priest to administer his Last Rites. Then Abyss says he is coming for all the fans one-by-one. Then he grabs two "fans" out of the crowd. The dude needs to pull up his drawers. I saw less skin on Mickie James.
Jeff Jarrett is backstage. He says he'll see that "fat tub of goo" Samoa Joe at Turning Point. Then he makes some threats toward Anderson and his concussion.
Flair is backstage talking to a random woman when Matt Morgan walks up. Morgan is concerned about Anderson wrestling with the concussion. Flair said whatever Bischoff and Hogan say for Anderson tonight, Fortune supports. Flair suggests they forget they had this conversation.
Match #1 - Jersey Shore Street Fight - Robbie E. (Jersey Shore) vs. Jay Lethal (Elizabeth, NJ)
If Robbie E. wins, he gets an X-Division title shot.
Robbie gets crack with a trash can lid early on and then suplexed on a dead end sign. Robbie, though, makes a comeback and sets up some barricades only to get chopped. And then Lethal crotches him on said barricade. Lethal rolls Robbie back in but Robbie kicks Lethal on his way in. Cookie gets him a kendo stick but as Robbie taunts, Lethal kicks him and hits him with the stick. Lethal grabs a trash can and puts it over Robbie's head. He grabs the kendo stick and hits a home run. And one more time. Lethal goes to the top but Cookie grabs Lethal's leg and sprays him with apparently some spray tan. Robbie makes the most of it and hits Lethal with a reverse neckbreaker for the fall.
Winner via pinfall: Robbie E.
The Beautiful People are complaining backstage. Velvet takes off and instead of the seamstress being there, it's Winter now. Winter says when two people have a bond, the universe brings them together. Of course, Velvet comes back and it's back to the seamstress.
EV2 is in the ring. Tommy Dreamer says Rob Van Dam has not communicated with them all week, so he calls RVD out. So I guess RVD was waiting all week just to come out two seconds after Dreamer called him out after not returning their calls all week.
Dreamer says they are going to end this before it goes any further. He says what happened with Sabu last week was an accident. RVD says he doesn't know who to trust anymore. Raven talks and uses a lot of big words. RVD gets in Raven's face and calls him the stooge when Fortune's music hits and out they come.
Flair runs down EV2 and their dysfunction. He says at Turning Point, Fortune will face EV2 for the last time. He says Dreamer and RVD will face AJ Styles and Kazarian tonight. Douglas Williams tries to tell Flair something but gets told to calm down. Woo?
Fortune is backstage arguing. Morgan just walks off. Williams is still upset. I wish I could tell you why because I really have no idea. I guess Williams want to wrestle. So Flair says he can replace Kazarian tonight. They then talk about getting some cold beer and Flair says he will never be Iced again. I beg to differ.
Match #2 - Madison Rayne, Tara & Sarita vs. Angelina Love, Velvet Sky and Mickie James
The faces run down and attack the heels as they make their entrance. Oh, so here's Gunner and Murphy to restore order with Earl Hebner. Hebner reads them the Riot Act and I guess they respect him because they settle down and the bell rings. Judging from the bell ringing in the Ultimate X match last week, I'm surprised they didn't ring it before the entrance was even over and then just counted both teams out. Probably would've done us a favor.
James hits a head scissors takeover on Sarita and follows it with a neckbreaker for two. Tara gets involved from the apron and kicks James right in the face and that turns things around for Sarita before she brings in Rayne. Madison with the face smasher. She brings in Tara. James takes out Tara and both women are down. They make tags and bring in Love and Sarita. Love quickly brings James back it. She hits the flying Thesz Press. Then the heels just double team James while Sky and Love just stand on the apron.
Well, it all breaks down. James hits a DDT on Rayne but Tara comes and kicks her and hits the Widow's Peak. I have no idea who's legal here. I'm guessing it's Sarita and Sky because Sarita just hit Sky with a double-underhook power bomb and Hebner counted it.
Winners via pinfall: Sarita, Madison Rayne & Tara
I'll give you three guesses of what is going on now: It involves The Pope, Abyss and the backstage area. Are they A) Exchanging pumpkin pie recipes? B) Brawling or C) Telling the camera why they Stand Up for WWE? Well folks, if you guessed B you've been either watching Impact or reading these reports. Well done. Abyss beats up Pope and puts him in the casket. Well, I guess I don't need to pay for the match anymore. Thanks, TNA! Then, out of the blue, Abyss freaks out about the whereabouts of Janice. Then Abyss goes to town on the casket with Janice. Then he tips the casket over.
In the ring, the referee is tying his shoe. Oh wait, Generation Me is cutting a promo. "It's all about Me." Can we just get to the match? Here comes Ink Inc. They too have a microphone. They represent the people. Cool.
Match #3 - TNA World Tag Team Championship - (c) Motor City Machine Guns vs. Generation Me vs. Ink Inc.
These guys are all moving way too fast for what time it is as I write this (approximately 2 a.m. ET).
Neal hits a huge spinebuster as a Generation Me double-team maneuver backfires. Neal brings in Moore who is the proverbial house of fire. Flying crossbody and a spin kick for two. Moore sends both members of Gen Me to the outside and then lifts Neal over the top rope onto both of them. Finally the Guns get involved and Sabin hits a suicide dive onto Jeremy Buck. Moore hits a springboard moonsault onto Max Buck. Neal in. Now everyone takes turns going in on Gen Me. They powder out and Ink Inc. hits the Mooregasm on Sabin but Jeremy pulls the ref out of the ring. Moore takes out Jeremy on the outside and this allows the Guns to regroup and hit Skull & Bones on Neal to retain.
Winners via pinfall and STILL TNA World Tag Team Champions: Motor City Machine Guns
The Guns revel in their win for all of five seconds before Team 3D makes their way to the ring. They lay down the challenge for a match at Turning Point and the Guns accept. Get ready.
Morgan is backstage with Bischoff. He expresses his concern to Bischoff about the concussion issue. Morgan says it's a tad irresponsible to put a man in the ring with a concussion. Bischoff says it's part of the game. Morgan says, yeah, he gave Hernandez a concussion but Hernandez was out for three months after that. Bischoff says he doesn't give a crap about Anderson. People do what they are told to do when they are told to do it. Bischoff then has Gunner and Murphy escort Morgan to the door.
Match #4 - AJ Styles (Gainesville, Ga.) & Douglas Williams (The United Kingdom) vs. Rob Van Dam (Battle Creek, Mich.) & Raven (The Bowery)
Styles and Williams attack Raven right when he enters the ring. Then RVD's music hits and he slowly makes his way to the ring, even taking his pyro.
After a brief sorting out period, it's RVD and Williams in. RVD hits Rolling Thunder and Styles breaks up the pin. Styles works RVD over and knocks Raven off the apron. And again. Heels in complete control here. Styles with a chinlock, screaming "all day, folks!" Styles gets too cocky and eats a kick from RVD. Flair comes running down and he pulls Raven off the apron and plasters him with the TV title. RVD looks for the tag but Raven is nowhere to be found. He kicks both Williams and Styles and looks for Raven but the distraction turns things around for Fortune. They go to town. Williams hits a knee drop from the top and Styles blind tags his way into the match and pins RVD.
Winners via pinfall: AJ Styles & Douglas Williams
Well, Anderson's music plays but it's Morgan who comes out. Morgan says nobody in the back listened to what he had to say, so he was hoping he could talk some sense into Jarrett since they are boys. He discusses the impact of concussions. He says they need to do the right thing. Classic swerve here, as Jarrett feigns like he cares but then says he doesn't. He's in it for survival, he says. He adds he doesn't care about Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, Anderson and now, Morgan. He tells Morgan to get out of his ring and calls Anderson out.
Morgan goes to leave the ring but has second thoughts. He grabs the mic and says he isn't going to sit back and watch this happen. Instead, he's going to beat up Jarrett right now. So Morgan straps on the chain and Jarrett freaks out. He says he's wrong and then attacks Morgan.
Match #5 - Chain Match - Jeff Jarrett (Hendersonville, Tenn.) vs. Matt Morgan (Fairfield, Conn.)
Morgan is in dress clothes here. Rapid-fire elbows connect for Morgan. Morgan dominating. Fallaway slam connects. Jarrett rolls out of the ring. Morgan follows and the domination continues. Jarrett gains some hope by using the chain to ram Morgan into the post. Morgan recovers and reciprocates. Morgan is bleeding. Jarrett goes to the second rope and jumps off but lands right in a choke slam. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint but Jarrett ducks him, crotches him with the chain and hits the Stroke. That's it.
Winner via pinfall: Jeff Jarrett
As Jarrett gloats, Morgan stirs and drills Jarrett with a clothesline. Morgan starts choking Jarrett with the chain when Fortune comes out and starts attacking Morgan. Jarrett creates a noose with the chain and then choke Morgan over the top rope. They let go and he crumples to the floor.