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WWE NXT: All-time burial continues
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling


Tonight on WWE NXT: Season three's second episode was another one for the ages, as the head-scratching nature of this beauty continued. After what appeared to be an all-time burial on commentating last week, Michael Cole and Josh Mathews stepped up their game this week, burying every possible thing about the show before Cole quit the show in a huff for having to go from being a war correspondent to this show. We're with you. Should be a good one!

And we are "LIVE!" from Detroit, Mich. Cole and Mathews are our commentators and Matt Striker is our host. This show is presented in WWEHD (TV-PG,V).

Vickie Guerrero ("the Billie Jean King of NXT" Cole tells us) is out to start and she brings in her boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler.

Match #1 - Dolph Ziggler & Kaitlyn vs. Primo & AJ

Right off the bat, Cole lets us know that he isn't being paid enough to commentate this "stupid show." Ziggler blind tags himself in but attacks Primo before he can get in. He tries to intimidate AJ but AJ starts beating him up and gets to Primo, who comes in on fire. Big dropkick connects and he drills Ziggler with a clothesline coming out of the corner. Leg sweep for two. Primo, though, misses a charge in the corner and gets hit with the Zig Zag on the way back out.

Winners via pinfall: Dolph Ziggler & Kaitlyn

(Ads)

It's time for a joke telling contest. I kid you not. Mathews mutters, "This could be really bad." Can't say I disagree.

AJ is up first. She tells a joke about a brunette, redhead and a blonde running from the cops and hiding in potato sacks. When the cop kicks the sacks, the brunette and redhead make animal noises while the blonde goes "potato." Striker then calls her Don Rickles. Mathews says "1964 called" to Striker. Aksana says her joke is very popular in Lithuania. She asks what the difference between a wife and a girlfriend is. "About 45 pounds." The announcers love this one.

Jamie tells a knock knock joke about the other competitors. When they say "Aksana who?" She says, "Exactly." Naomi is up next. She says "What do you call a dog with no legs?" ... "It doesn't matter what you call it because it's not going to come to you!"

Maxine says she has five jokes with her in the ring, so she's just going to pick one. She goes to AJ and says she's a Girl Scout and they don't last in WWE. She then gives AJ a $20 bill and tells her to go to the back and get her some Thin Mints. AJ rips it up and throws it back and they have a small catfight.

Then Kaitlyn goes. She asks AJ to be a part of her joke for two seconds. She says "Knock knock" "Who's there" "KGB" "KGB who?" Then Kaitlyn slaps her. Before she can get the rest of it out, AJ attacks and they briefly brawl. Cole suggests someone get AJ a sedative.

Striker polls the fans and Jamie is the runaway winner.

Then Cole stands up, bangs a gong at ringside and says, and I quote (see what I did there?): "You know what, every one of you would-be divas should be gonged. Matt Striker, you should be gonged. Everybody here in the Detroit area who bought a ticket to watch this stuff should all be gonged. And except for me and Josh Mathews, this whole NXT show should be gonged!"

Cole then bangs the gong some more.

(Ads)

Match #2 - Aksana vs. Jamie

Aksana gets rolling. She whips Jamie into the corner and charges, but Jamie sidesteps her charge and catches her with a roll-up coming out. That's it.

Winner via pinfall: Jamie

(Ads)

Ziggler and Kaitlyn are chatting backstage when Guerrero walks up. She is not happy about them celebrating their win with a hug. Vickie says if Dolph pulls that again, she's out.

(Ads)

It's time for the obstacle course challenge. This should be something.

Mathews asks, "How much time do we have left?" Cole responds with "It can't end soon enough."

Kaitlyn is about to go when Guerrero comes back out. She wants to run the obstacle course to show Kaitlyn how it's done. She's going good until she gets to the balance beam. She goes slowly but then falls on her face as she comes off it. She then throws a hissy fit. She finishes at 1:27.2.

(Ads)

They replay Guerrero's time. Now here's Kaitlyn. She finishes at 36.5 seconds. Aksana finishes at 37.2 and almost sends the box they have to push up the ramp into the back of the stage. AJ finishes at 46 seconds flat. Maxine is rolling to start but has to go back to finish the balance beam and finishes at 39.1. She pushes the box so hard that Goldust has to sprint out of his chair to catch it before it crashes through the LED wall. Now they send a referee up there to catch it. Jamie is up next. She finishes at 36.8 seconds. Cole lets us know that last night he was calling Cena/Orton, now he's "sitting around for this." Naomi is up next. She torpedoes herself immediately by missing the first tire. Then she screws up the pushups and then the balance beam. She finishes at 57.4.

Kaitlyn wins. Guerrero comes back out and hugs her.

Then we hear the gong being hit again. Flash back and Cole is going crazy on it. He says the whole show is ridiculous and violates his journalistic integrity. He says he was a war correspondent and he's done with this show.

The show goes off the air with Mathews having two words for Cole: Go away.

Matt Bishop can be reached at bishop20@msu.edu. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. Should be a good one!.