TNA Impact: Factions, factions everywhere
MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on TNA Impact: It's been Fortune's goal to make their impact felt. Tonight, they have that opportunity in a 4-on-4 match against the semifinalists in the TNA World Title Tournament — Kurt Angle, Mr. Anderson, The Pope and Jeff Hardy. Should be a good one!
As always, tonight's taped show emanates from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Fla. "The Professor" Mike Tenay and The Tazz are our hosts.
Eric Bischoff and Dixie Carter are backstage. Carter says this is a decision she feels very strongly about.
Carter then heads to the ring. She gives the standard hard times speech and says right now, they're having more success than they're having before. I don't know about that. She then calls out Ric Flair because she "has something to say."
So out comes Naitch. The first thing he tells Carter is that she is "drop dead gorgeous, almost to the point of the salutary." And then suggests they go back to the hotel and solve this problem like adults. Carter asks "really?" She says Flair's actions since Hardcore Justice has been pathetic. She then says he's suspended for 90 days without pay.
Flair says Flair and Fortune are one in the same and calls them out. They go back-and-forth when Flair says he's going to show Carter what Naitch is all about. Then, out of nowhere, an unknown man enters the ring. Commentary tells us this is Serg, Dixie's husband. Really. Flair screams, "are you kidding me?" just like everybody else. Robert Roode puts the boots to ol' Serg and Flair is going to whip him with his belt when Hulk Hogan's music hits. He's out with Kurt Angle, The Pope, Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson.
Hogan tells Flair to let Serg go or he's going to stick his size 15 where the sun don't shine. In return, Flair threatens to stick Angle's gold medal in the same place. They come to the ring.
Hogan said it would be too easy to put Flair on the shelf. So he's un-suspending Flair. Hogan and Flair argue over which group is TNA. Hogan suggests that they have a 4-on-4 match tonight. And then he just makes it because he is running the company right now.
As Fortune heads up the ramp, they are attacked by EV2.0. We get about 10 seconds of this before…
Match #1 - Orlando Jordan (Miami, Fla.) vs. Samoa Joe (Isle of Samoa)
Pretty much a squash. Joe wins with the Muscle Buster.
Winner via pinfall: Samoa Joe
We're about 10 notes into Joe's theme song when the match ends when Jeff Jarrett hits the ring. But wait, we have some important things to get to first…
We're back and Jarrett reminds Joe that he's five years into his prison senten…I mean, he's been in TNA for five years now. Jarrett asks Joe if he'll be in his corner when he faces Kevin Nash later tonight. Jarrett says he's take care of Nash, but wants Joe to take care of Sting should he show up. Joe gets a mic now and says he doesn't choose sides because he doesn't have to. He says he only knows how to play for one team — his own. He drops the mic and walks off.
And what great timing…
Match #2 - Jeff Jarrett (Hendersonville, Tenn.) vs. Kevin Nash (Detroit, Mich.)
Match starts outside the ring. Nash throws Jarrett over the barricade. He then brings Jarrett into the ring. Nash tries to bring a chair in. When that's take away, he rips off the padding on the top turnbuckle. Jarrett ducks out and sends Nash sternum-first into it. Nash grabs Jarrett's neck and throws him back-first into the exposed turnbuckle and hits the choke slam on the rebound for two. Of course, we get a ref bump. Jarrett bashes Nash's head into the exposed metal and gives him the Stroke, but there's no ref.
Naturally, Sting comes out and bashes Jarrett with the bat and Nash gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Kevin Nash
Sting is going to go to work again on Jarrett when Hulk Hogan's music hits. It's Eric Bischoff. He insults Sting. Sting says he wants Hogan. Bischoff says to be careful what you wish for. Then Hogan comes into the ring from behind and hits Sting with a chair.
Match #3 - Beer Money Inc. vs. Guido Maritato (Howard Beach, N.Y.) & Tony Luke (Brooklyn, NY)
The FBI don't even get an entrance and are immediately attacked. Beer Money just running over the FBI. Roode with a full nelson slam on Guido. Guido is able to tag in Luke but he comes into the ring off the top and eats a Double R spinebuster. He is quickly finished with the DWI.
Winners via pinfall: Beer Money Inc.
Guido attacks Roode after the match and that proves to be an extremely bad idea as Roode and Storm completely destroy the FBI. I'd be shocked to see them back.
Well, it's official. The original Beautiful People are back together. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are out to the ring. They say they are going to do what they do best: Dominate the entire Knockouts division. They hug when their music starts again. Apparently this is for Madison Rayne and her bodyguard. They bike their way to the ring.
She threatens a copyright infringement on them for coming out to "her" song and referring to themselves as The Beautiful People. Rayne runs them down and Velvet attacks her when Rayne says that Vevet was always her bitch. The catfight is on from there with Rayne and her bodyguard being dominated. Then security breaks them up.
Match #4 - Generation Me vs. Motor City Machine Guns
Lots of double team moves by both squads. Guns dominate Max Buck but he brings in Jeremy. Jeremy boots both Shelley and Sabin and hits an X-Factor on Sabin for two. Then Jeremy moonsaults out onto both Guns.
Now everyone's just flying all over the place. Guns taking over and they trap Max and hit their finish and that's it.
Winners via pinfall: Motor City Machine Guns
Rhino is in the ring and challenges Abyss to a match. He comes out and, well, it's not a match. Rhino goes for the Gore on the outside but he's met with a boot to the skull. And they brawl around the Impact Zone. Eventually, Rhino Gores Abyss and leaves the unstoppable monster laying.
Match #5 - AJ Styles (Gainesville, Ga.), Douglas Williams (The United Kingdom), Kazarian (Anaheim, Calif.) & Matt Morgan (Fairfield, Conn.) vs. Mr. Anderson (Green Bay, Wisc.), The Pope (Harlem, NY), Jeff Hardy (Cameron, NC) & Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, Pa.)
Fortune isolates Hardy. Rapid-fire elbows from Morgan drops Hardy in the corner. Williams in now. Flair low-blows Hardy to add insult to injury on the outside. Knee drop gets two for Williams. But Hardy gets going on Williams and both men are down. Hardy gets the tag to Angle and Williams brings in Kazarian. Angle on fire. Styles tries to inference but takes a belly-to-belly. Huge German for Kazarian and Angle locks in the ankle lock but a springboard forearm breaks it. Now the match is breaking down. All eight men in the ring, all hitting their finisher. Angle hits the Angle Slam on Kazarian, but Pope tags himself in and steals the pin.
Winners via pinfall: The Pope, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy & Mr. Anderson
Angle and Pope start arguing and this gives Fortune their avenue to commence a beatdown. Beer Money join in the fun. Then EV2 makes the save and beats down Fortune to end the show.
Matt Bishop can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. Should be a good one!.