August 6, 2010
Impact: On the road to Hardcore Justice
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on TNA Impact: With only three days before Hardcore Justice, Tommy Dreamer and Rob Van Dam meet Raven and Abyss in the main event. Elsewhere, both the TNA Knockouts Tag Team titles and the TNA Television title are on the line. Should be a good one!
As always, tonight's taped show emanates from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Fla. "The Professor" Mike Tenay and The Tazz are our hosts.
Tommy Dreamer is limping out to start the show. He immediately calls out Raven. He asks him "Why?" Raven talks out Dreamer stealing Beulah from him back in the day and his kids should be his kids. Dreamer makes his way up the ramp and isn't happy as Raven keeps going in. Abyss saves Raven from the attack. He goes to choke slam him but Rob Van Dam makes the save with a chair. On the ramp, Raven gives Dreamer the DDT on the ramp. But then from behind, Mick Foley hits Raven with a barbed-wire bat. Foley says at Hardcore Justice, there will be a winner, as he will be the special guest referee.
Match #1 - TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship - Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich vs. Taylor Wilde & Hamada
Beautiful People double team Hamada and now they have her isolated. Wilde gets the tag and hits a German. Now all four women in the ring as Madison Rayne comes to watch on the ramp and the motorcycle lady comes to the ring. As Wilde and Hamada are distracted, they are hit. Sky accidentally slaps Slick Johnson and he actually sells like like being hit with a chair. The motorcycle lady hands Von Erich a steel chair, but Wilde dropkicks it into her face. Johnson is then miraculously OK and counts the pin with the steel chair in front of him. Tazz rightly points out the stupidity in this.
Winners via pinfall and NEW TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: Taylor WIlde & Hamada
Match #2 - TNA Television Championship - AJ Styles (c ) vs. Rob Terry
I love how wrestlers can just rename titles in TNA.
Earl Hebner throws Kazarian out before the bell. As they argue, Terry clotheslines them both over the top rope. Terry press slams Styles into the ring and runs Terry off.
Terry running wild. Then we almost get a ref bump, but Styles holds him up and mule kicks Terry. From there, he hits the Pele and then the 450 Splash. It's a wrap.
Winner via pinfall and STILL TNA Television Champion: AJ Styles
Match #3 - Match #4 in the Best-of-Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship - Ultimate X Match - Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns
Vince Russo's "Phobia of the Day" calendar must have been acrophobia again, because Robert Roode appears afraid to climb the cables to get the X.
Roode takes a sick-looking tornado DDT then a double foot stomp. Shelley starts to climb but is pulled down by Storm. Sabin hits a leg scissors takeover on Storm from the cables. He gets up and walks into a Double R spinebuster. Roode climbs but is on the shoulders of Storm. Guns kick out Storm and then pull Roode down onto him. Shelley hits Sliced Bread on Storm on the apron. Now Roode climbs all the way to the top of the cables. Sabin climbs the other side. Sabin crotches Roode on the cable. He falls. This leaves Sabin alone to grab the X.
Winner via X-grabbing: Motor City Machine Guns (Series tied 2-2)
Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff are out. Bischoff announces "The Whole F'n Show," a pay-per-view quality show on Spike. It'll RVD vs. Abyss in a Stairway to Janice match with Bischoff as the special guest referee. The final match in the best-of-five tag title series will take place. Kurt Angle will face AJ Styles. Angelina Love will challenge Madison Rayne for the Knockouts Title. Jeff Hardy has an open challenge to anybody. And then, The Pope, Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson will meet in a triple threat match.
Now Kevin Nash comes out. He's not happy. Hogan says it's time to pass the torch. He talks to Nash about politics and smoke and mirrors and Nash calls him out on the politics bit. Bischoff says Nash's entire career has been nothing but politics. Nash throws Bischoff to the side, so Hogan steps in and starts punching away until he takes a low blow. Nash lays knees into Hogan in the corner. Back elbows now. Nash grabs a chair and wants to give Hogan the Jackknife on it. He lets it go and picks up the chair but Jeff Jarrett makes the save. Then Sting, in red face paint, comes in and hits the chair out of Jarrett's hands with the bat. He hits Jarrett with the bat, tosses it to Nash, and lays out Hogan with the chair.
Match #4 - Orlando Jordan vs. "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero
In his pre-match limbering up exercises, Jordan has a rather long session of sucking on his index finger. Burke with a go-behind and Jordan grinds his way out of it. I wonder what wrestling school he learned that one at. Oh great, here's Eric Young swimming in the Pope money on the ramp and stuffing it down his pants and in his mouth. Luckily for humanity, Pope hits the DDE and puts this match out of its misery.
Winner via pinfall: "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero
BUT WAIT! There's more! Matt Morgan lays out Pope, but Mr. Anderson quickly comes out with a chair. Pope recovers and is apparently accusing Anderson of hitting him? As far as I know, they could be exchanging chili recipes. Then TNA Security comes out and breaks them up.
And we go from that to a Ric Flair promo. He buries Christy's first question. He says he'll walk that aisle in his suit. There was a lot of wooing.
Match #5 - Street Fight - Jay Lethal vs. Ric Flair
Flair immediately proves why he's the "Dirtiest Player in the Game" by low-blowing Lethal. He goes outside and Lethal catches him from behind with a springboard dropkick. Flair's suit jack in now off and the shirt isn't too far behind. If you have approximately four minutes in the "When Will Flair Bleed" pool, you're a winner, as a Kendo stick shot opens him up. 10 shots in the corner gives us a Flair Flop. Now Douglas Williams is at ringside. Cookie sheet shot gets us Flair Flop No. 2. Now Lethal rips Flair's pants apart. He takes the belt and whips Flair with it. Pants off now. Flair is down to one shoe (with sock) and his underwear. Trash can shot connects and we get Flair Flop No. 3. Flair tries to go the top but eats a lid shot. Lethal follows him up and hits a superplex. Lethal goes for the cover but is pulled out by Williams. Lethal punches him and heads back in. Jumping sunset flip for Lethal, and here's the shot of Flair's rear end. This time it's pixelated. While Earl Hebner tries to pull Flair's underwear up, Williams drills Lethal with the X-Division title. Good night.
Winner via pinfall: Ric Flair
Match #6 - Abyss & Raven vs. Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer
The fight starts on the ramp. Abyss misses a big splash on Dreamer and both men makes tags. Clotheslines and a kick drop Raven. Rolling Thunder connects but Abyss breaks up the pin. Abyss tries to choke slam both RVD and Dreamer but they kick out of it and clothesline him over the top. Dreamer plants Raven with the DDT and RVD follows it up with the 5-Star Frog Splash for the win.
Winners via pinfall: Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer
Abyss is back in the ring now and he choke slams RVD. Dreamer's next up but Stevie Richards and Rhino make the save. Rhino goes for the Gore but eats a boot. Here comes Team 3D and they shoulder block him. They go for the 3D, but Raven makes the save for Abyss. Then the lights go out and it's The Sandman, who takes them both out with the Singapore Cane.
Matt Bishop can be reached at email@example.com. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. And if you're interested in mixed martial arts, check out Matt's weekly podcast -- Lights Out Radio. Should be a good one!.