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Smackdown: Kane’s Law and Disorder
By DAVE HILLHOUSE -- SLAM! Wrestling


In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police, who investigate crime, and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. On Smackdown, however, in search of his brother’s attacker, Kane continues his role as investigator, judge, and executioner – and his favourite punishment is the chokeslam. This is his story.

Tonight’s main event predictably features four wrestlers with two things in common: Rey Mysterio Jr., Big Show, CM Punk, and Jack Swagger will all be part of Sunday’s main event at Fatal 4-Way; and they have all become Kane’s prime suspects in his search for vengeance.

CM Punk emerges to open the show by all but guaranteeing a victory on Sunday, while also lamenting the fact that The Undertaker won’t be a part of the match. Punk reminds the fans that he is the only person in history to make The Undertaker tap out, suggesting that they need the reminder as they all likely flunked history in school. Wait, does that mean that they teach wrestling in U.S. history classes? Awesome. As Punk continues to gloat, the lights go out and Punk finds himself scampering away from the Dead Man standing in the ring! Except that it’s Luke Gallows, doing his best Brian Lee impersonation. Kane doesn’t find it as funny as Punk and Gallows do, though, and storms the ring. Swagger attacks him from behind, but Mysterio and Big Show arrive to support Kane – it seems. They actually lay a beating on Kane as well, as everyone seems tired of Kane’s investigations.

Match #1 – MVP & Christian vs Curt Hawkins & Vance Archer

Archer and Hawkins are celebrating their newly-minted contract, but MVP and Christian are both fighting-mad over the attacks they’ve suffered at the hands of their adversaries in the past couple of weeks. Hawkins initially takes the brunt of their anger, but Archer gets his hands on MVP outside the ring and runs him into the stairs behind the referee’s back. MVP receives a long sequence of punishing double-team holds before finally tagging Christian in. Christian nails an inverse DDT on Hawkins, but Archer breaks up the pin. Christian nearly lands the Killswitch, but Archer again breaks it up – this time laying Christian out and allowing Hawkins to hit the vacated “Macho Man/HBK” elbow off the rope for the win.

Winners via pinfall: Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer

Backstage, Co-Women’s Champions Layla and Michelle McCool, with an unhappy looking Kaval carrying their belts, are approached by Rosa Mendes with her hopes of joining Laycool. They turn her down, but in typical fashion do it in mean fashion, sending Mendes away hurt. Elsewhere, Chavo Guerrero is speaking with Vickie, but he’s quickly brushed off as all of her attention is on Dolph Ziggler and the weird shorts/tool-belt get-up she has him wearing. She sends Chavo to the ring for an impromptu match while asking Ziggler to put up a picture of her and Dolph on her office wall. Chris Masters arrives but, finding Vickie admiring Dolph’s tool-belt, smartly makes a quick exit.

Match #2 – JTG vs Chavo Guerrero

Chavo is still wrapping his wrist tape on the way to the ring, and even asks for a moment to tie his boots after the bell has rung. The last part was a ploy, though, as he delivers a cheap-shot kick to the unsuspecting JTG. This is a fast-paced match, but with both announcers stressing how Chavo was forced to wrestle unprepared, it takes some of the shine off of JTG’s victory.

Winner via pinfall: JTG

Returning backstage again, Josh Matthews interviews Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston about his match on Sunday with Drew McIntyre. Kingston, though, isn’t worried about Sunday – he’s more concerned with Teddy Long’s match with McIntyre. tonight

Match #3 – Drew McIntyre vs. Teddy Long

McIntyre awaits Long in the ring, grabbing a mic to remind everyone that if Long refuses to fight he will be fired. Eventually Long arrives in a suit, and McIntyre circles around him. A security force arrives at the behest of McIntyre to prevent any “shenanigans” by Kingston or Matt Hardy. Hearing McIntyre say “shenanigans” was worth the price of admission alone. Long is forced down to his knees and made to say that McIntyre is indeed the chosen one, before finally lying on his back in the middle of the ring for McIntyre to get the win.

Winner via pinfall: Drew McIntyre

After the bell, both Kingston and Hardy try separately to prevent McIntyre from beating on Long. McIntyre, though, aided by his security force, lands his DDT on both good samaritans.

Match #4 – Layla (C) (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly (with Tiffany) – non-title match

Amidst much screaming and unconvincing maneuvers, Kelly Kelly gets the win win.

Winner via pinfall: Kelly Kelly.

Josh Matthews is back again, speaking to Jack Swagger about his chances on Sunday. Swagger is somehow metamorphosing into an old man who answers every question with “When I was a lad...” as he remembers a victory of his youth. He dedicates his upcoming victory on Sunday to his dad.

Match #5 – Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs Chris Masters

A truly tough-looking match between these two, touted as a battle of The Sleeper Hold versus the Masterlock. Ziggler slides out from the dreaded full nelson and then, as Masters hoists Ziggler up for a running powerslam, Dolph locks in the sleeper. Masters, though, powers out and fully clamps on the Masterlock. Ziggler escapes again, this time using the ropes, and nails the Zig-Zag for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Dolph Ziggler

Match #6 – Rey Mysterio, Jr. & Big Show vs Jack Swagger (C) & CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows)

The match starts off surprisingly slowly with Mysterio and Punk each continuing their shared obsession with unmasking the other. Gallows inserts himself by levelling Mysterio on the outside, and after the break Swagger has taken Punk’s place and is weighing Mysterio down. His corner-splash only gets a 2-count, which is bad news for Swagger because it lets Mysterio tag in Big Show for a housecleaning. Swagger is set up for a chokeslam, but he neatly reverses it into a DDT. Mysterio ends up in the ring again and counters Swagger’s gut-wrench powerbomb for a clean victory.

Winners via pinfall: Rey Mysterio, Jr. & Big Show

Kane closes out the night by laying out all four competitors again, and promising that Sunday will be a fatal night for whomever is guilty of his brother’s attack.

Dave Hillhouse is a screenwriter and teacher, and hopes that Kane is being groomed for a spin-off show as he investigates mysterious crimes throughout the country.