May 24, 2010
RAW: New GM has Hart; Batista quits
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
A new General Manager for Monday Night RAW will be named in Toledo, Ohio, which may spell the end of the guest host. I’m not saying the guest host thing is played out, but WWE officials may as well book Henry Winkler next week and start filling up the shark tank. The lame duck guest host tonight is Jon Lovitz, who hasn’t been relevant in almost two decades.
The show starts off with a recap of last night’s Over the Limit PPV. Batista is the first superstar out, but is helped to the ring by two officials. The Animal takes a seat in a wheelchair, and then demands a spotlight. Batista explains that he quit last night because he felt his life was in danger, and he is contemplating filing suit against John Cena, the WWE, and every fan in the WWE universe. (Ummmmm ... that’s a little ridiculous, even for the WWE.) Batista will be out indefinitely with injuries, but he will be back, and he wants a rematch.
Ring announcer Justin Roberts cuts off Batista to introduce the new GM of Raw, (wait for it...) Bret “The Hitman” Hart. Batista yells at Hart to leave the ring. Hart announces a new PPV, “Fatal Four Way”, and tells Batista he will have a chance to get a rematch at said PPV, if he can beat Randy Orton. Batista protests, so Hart tells him to take it or leave it. Batista threatens to quit, so Hart takes him at his word, announces Randy Orton as the winner and qualifier for Fatal Four Way championship match. Batista is still crying in the ring and yelling at the crowd. Batista announces that he quits, and limps from the ring.
Match #1 – Mark Henry vs. Sheamus - Fatal Four Way Qualifying
Henry slams Sheamus to the mat, and then dumps him over the ropes. Sheamus climbs back into the ring, and stomps away at Henry. Sheamus drives Henry into the corner, but Henry turns the tables with a head butt. Sheamus counters with his own head butts. Sheamus kicks out of a pin after a splash. Henry catches Sheamus on the top turnbuckle, but Sheamus drops down, shoots off the ropes, and connects with the pump kick.
Winner via pinfall: Sheamus
Jon Lovitz is trying to negotiate with Vince over the phone over his pay. He gets hung up on, but Maryse enters the office, and Lovitz completely fails hitting on her. Lovitz is pimping his new comedy club. Maryse becomes interested after Lovitz mentions he is rich, but he then blows her off.
Edge tries to convince Bret Hart that he doesn’t need to qualify for the Fatal Four Way. Hart doesn’t bite, so Edge suggests he gets to take on Cena. Chris Jericho crashes the meeting, demanding he gets a shot. Hart makes it easy. Jericho, Edge, and John Cena will compete in a triple threat match, but if Cena wins, Edge and Jericho will not be able to qualify again.
Match #2 – Maryse and Alicia Fox vs. Eve and Gail Kim
Maryse pins Eve after hitting the French Kiss. Alicia set it up after hitting Eve with a cheap shot behind the ref’s back.
Winner via pinfall: Maryse and Alicia Fox
Michael Cole informs us that Bret Hart has vacated the US Title upon being named the General Manager.
Match #3 – R-Truth vs. The Miz – United States Title Match
Miz says he is taking back what is his. Miz gains the upper hand with a cheap shot, and knocks R-Truth to the mat. Truth fights back, and we go to commercial.
After the break, The Miz is in control outside the ring, slamming Truth into the apron. After rolling Truth into the ring, Miz hits a neck breaker, and then just beats on him. Truth is hung up in a tree of woe, but Truth counters, slamming Miz onto the mat. Truth hits the single flap jack, and follows with a missile drop kick. Miz kicks out. Truth goes to the top, connecting on a cross body, but Miz rolls through. R-Truth kicks out at two. Miz gets caught in a back slide, but is able to kick out. Miz blocks the scissors kick, but can’t avoid the Lie Detector. R-Truth covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: R-Truth
Josh Matthews asks John Cena about the last 24 hours. The champ has closure with Batista, but now he has to deal with Sheamus. Cena says he will fight, and he promises that the person who takes the belt will earn it. From now on Cena will make the challenges, and take on anyone who looks like a threat. Cena is done playing nice.
Jon Lovitz heads to the ring with the Bella Twins to judge his superstar search. The Great Khali and his interpreter are the first performers, and I’m checking out. Lovitz buzzes them off the stage. Jillian Hall is next, and she gets shut down right away. (Come to think of it, didn’t we do this a few months ago with the Osbournes?) Lovitz has had enough and goes looking in the crowd for some talent. (I’m thinking that well is dry.)
One lucky fan (plant) is pulled out of the front row and invited into the ring. “Joe” is sporting a Santino shirt and says he can pull his eye out of his skull. (If he really does it, I’m going to puke.) Lovitz gives him the go ahead. (I can’t watch.) Okay, he really did it, but it was a glass eye. I’m not impressed. Ted DiBiase thankfully puts an end to all this nonsense.
DiBiase wants the eyeball; he’ll either buy it, or take it by force. Joe refuses to sell, but Santino walks down to save the day. Santino tells DiBiase to leave the guy alone, or he will use Lovitz’s nerve hold. It doesn’t work, and DiBiase lays Santino out with Dream Street.
Match #4 – The Hart Dynasty vs. Vladimir Kozlov and William Regal
Tyson Kidd hits the Hart Attack on William Regal to get the pin in a very quick match.
Winner via pinfall: The Hart Dynasty
The celebration doesn’t last long as the Dynasty is attacked by a team of unknown wrestlers. They destroy the champs before the commercial break.
Josh Matthews interviews the final four NXT Rookies. He wants to know who they think will be eliminated tomorrow.
Edge tells Jericho that he may not beat Cena, but just pin Jericho instead.
Well, the guest host train continues. Next week Ashton Kutcher will host.
Match #5 – Edge vs. Jericho vs. John Cena – Triple Threat Fatal Four Way Qualifier
Cena comes out firing on Edge and Jericho. Cena fights Edge into the corner, but Jericho looks for a quick pin with a roll up from behind. Cena kicks out. Cena clotheslines Edge out of the ring, and then tosses Jericho out. We go to commercial.
After the break, Edge is dumped from the ring, again, as Jericho stomps Cena in the corner. Jericho locks in a side head lock, but Cena powers to his feet. Jericho counters into a DDT. Cena sidesteps Jericho, who drives himself into the ring post. The champ connects with a shoulder block and follows with the five knuckle shuffle. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, as Edge re-enters the ring. Cena avoids Edge, who spears Jericho. Cena locks in the STF. Jericho grabs Cena, and locks in the Walls of Jericho. Edge breaks free, and tries to break Jericho’s hold on Cena, only to get put in the Walls himself. Cena hits Jericho with a bulldog to break the hold. Edge rolls to the floor.
Jericho hits a cross body, but Cena rolls through, and is able to pick up Jericho. Edge spears Cena, who has Jericho on his shoulders, and all three men are down. Edge tries to roll over Cena, but Jericho pulls him off. Edge blocks the Wall, and nearly gets a pin with a small package. Cena takes Jericho down with a clothesline, and looks for the Attitude Adjustment. Edge blocks it, and pushes Cena into a Code Breaker for Jericho. Edge hits the exposed Jericho with a spear. Edge covers and gets the win.
Winner via pinfall: Edge
After the match, Sheamus walks halfway down the ramp. Randy Orton then walks out on stage. All four men watch each other as the show goes off the air.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Follow Dale on Twitter @DPlummer627.