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RAW: A very Brady Monday Night
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


With the WWE draft in the books, it’s time to get back down to business. Wayne Brady steps into the guest hosting role as RAW comes to us from Jacksonville, Florida. I think we’ll be getting a tamer Brady; not the one we have seen on Chappelle’s Show. (I’m Wayne Brady, b***EDITED FOR CONTENT**h!)

Batista kicks off the show. He heads to ring probably to gloat about the fact that he is the new number one contender for the WWE Title. He isn’t happy about being the number one contender, because according to him, he should still be the champ. Batista explains to the crowd what a Last Man Standing Match is. He explains it, real slow. Batista shows the footage from Extreme Rules, and calls the loss an embarrassment to Cena. He calls Cena out for using Hornswoggle type tactics. Batista is adamant that he didn’t lose, and he isn’t happy that the “Beat the Clock” challenge has been dusted off. Batista and Cena will compete to decide who picks the stipulation for their next match. Batista calls for his opponent, The Miz, but instead Sheamus makes his way to the ring.

Sheamus calls Batista pathetic, and says he actually won his match. Sheamus also did something Batista never could; he took out Triple H. Sheamus thinks he deserves to be in the championship match, and challenges Batista tonight. If Batista wins, Sheamus will walk away; if not Sheamus gets his title shot. The Animal tells Sheamus he had his chance, and lost. Sheamus says he will be WWE champion, again, and walks away.

Match #1 – Batista vs. The Miz – Beat the Clock Challenge

The Miz hits the ring in street clothes. He wants to wrestle, but Miz has a doctor’s note saying he can’t wrestle because of the trauma to his face. Instead, The Miz serves up his NXT Rookie Daniel Brian.

Match #1 – Batista vs. Daniel Bryan – Beat the Clock Challenge

(This is just a question of how long will this take.)

Miz tells his rookie to put up a fight, but Bryan does him one better; saying he will make Batista tap.

The Animal goes for a Batista Bomb, but Bryan floats over and counters into an ankle lock. Batista powers out and head to the floor. The Animal returns to the ring, beating Bryan into the corner. Bryan leaps over Batista in the corner, and locks in a sleeper. Batista tosses him off his back, and whips him into the corner. Bryan hits the floor, and Batista follows by driving him into the apron.

Back in the ring, Batista connects with a clothesline, but Bryan continues to fight. He kicks Batista in the head, but then runs into a big boot. Bryan locks in an arm bar, but The Animal gets to the ropes. Bryan breaks the hold, and then kicks Bryan in the knee. He follows with a spear and then the Batista Bomb. The Animal gets the pin at five minutes and six seconds.

Winner via pinfall: Batista

After the bell, Batista hit Bryan with two more bombs.

Eve is posing for pictures with her Diva’s Title, when guest host Wayne Brady drops him. He exchanged pleasantries with her, when Jillian Hall drops in. She wants to sing his entrance song; he takes a listen, and then escorts her out of the area. Eve goes back to her photo shoot, but can’t find her title. Maryse found it, and she returns it to Eve, slamming it upside her head.

Edge is walking backstage with a production assistant. He wants to use the best parts from the time he celebrated his first title win. (I was there live for that. It involved a bed, Lita, and a missing top. That little stunt got WWE banned from Hershey for a time.) The PA says they don’t think they can use it. Edge tells Josh Matthews he isn’t happy with the PG feel of the show. He wants to start some controversy, and he will tonight when he interview Randy Orton.

Match #2 – Ted DiBiase vs. John Morrison

Ted says he is nothing like his father, but he is sporting the Million Dollar Title and he is actively looking for an assistant. He can’t believe R-Truth turned down his offer, so when he finds an assistant their first job will be to slap some sense into R-Truth.

DiBiase beats Morrison to the mat. Morrison leaps to his feet, connecting on a spin kick. He then clotheslines Ted out of the ring, and follows with a springboard 450 splash. Morrison gets back in the ring, but DiBiase starts to head to the back. DiBiase is counted out.

Morrison grabs a mike, saying this is no way he wants to debut on RAW. He wants Ted to come back to the ring, and if he does, and he wins, Morrison will become Ted’s “Virgil”. DiBiase can’t pass up that offer, and heads back to the ring.

After the break, DiBiase has a body scissors locked in. Morrison breaks free, but Ted drops him on the ropes. DiBiase kicks Morrison in the ribs. Morrison then ducks a punch, and connects with a kick to the jaw. Morrison whips Ted into the corner, but is tripped up on the ropes. Morrison counters Dream Street, and then kicks out of a pin after a scoop slam. Morrison is flipped head over heels by a clothesline. Morrison counters Dream Street again by kicking off the turnbuckle and bridges into a pin. Morrison gets the three count for the win.

Winner via pinfall: John Morrison

After the bell, DiBiase jumps Morrison from behind and beats on him. R-Truth runs in to make the save.

Match #3 – John Cena vs. Chris Jericho – Beat the Clock Challenge

Jericho walks out on stage in his suit, even though he was also attacked by Big Show he won’t use that excuse. Jericho says it’s a waste of his time to beat Cena again, so Jericho also sends out his NXT Rookie, Wade Barrett.

Match #3 – John Cena vs. Wade Barrett – Beat the Clock Challenge

Barrett is pretty confident in his chances. Cena takes Barrett to the mat, but the rookie kicks out. Cena takes Barrett over with a snap mare, and then dumps him out of the ring with the Attitude Adjustment. Cena rolls Barrett back into the ring, but has to then fight off an attack from Jericho. Barrett takes advantage. The rookie tries to wear Cena down. The champ gets to his feet, but runs into a boot from Barrett. The rookie whips Cena off the turnbuckle into a back breaker. Cena is down to one minute to win it. (And I’m not talking about that new game show.) The champ locks in the STF with under a minute to go, but Barrett quickly taps, and Cena beats the clock.

Winner via submission: John Cena

Cena is about to tell the crowd what the stipulation will be, when Sheamus runs in and attacks the champ. The big kick knocks Cena out.

Match #4 – Maryse vs. Nikki Bella

Maryse is able to hit the French Kiss DDT, after pulling Nikki off the turnbuckle.

Winner via pinfall: Maryse

Maryse presents her new photo shoot to the world after her match. It’s a series of her posing with the Diva’s Title over a knocked out Eve. The Diva’s champ runs down, but the ref cuts her off in the ring. Eve is furious as Maryse taunts her up the ramp.

Alicia Fox and Gail Kim sit as ring side as Zack Ryder introduces himself to RAW. He has invited the Divas to ringside so they can watch him. Ryder thinks he is facing Primo Colon, but Wane Brady has other ideas. He will face Mark Henry.

Match #5 – Zack Ryder vs. Mark Henry

Henry slams Ryder to the mat, but avoids a splash in the corner. He drop kicks Henry in the knee, and then follows with missile drop kick. Ryder hits a leg lariat. Henry gets to his feet, and blocks a punch from Ryder. He picks him up and drops him with the World’s Strongest Slam. The ladies are not impressed. In fact, they leave with Mark Henry.

Winner via pinfall: Mark Henry

Jericho and Miz compare getting punched in the face by Big Show. Jericho says he and The Miz carried him, but there is nothing they can do about it now. Jericho has an idea though.

Vladimir Kozlov stops in with Wayne Brady. He is pleased that Brady has given him proper competition. Santino stops by in a Brady Bunch costume. He wants to tag with Kozlov. Regal interrupts saying they have to get ready for their match. Brady tells Santino he got there first, so he is tagging with Kozlov. And then we have our first Golddust sighting.

Match #6 – The Hart Dynasty vs. Vladimir Kozlov and William Regal

The Miz and Jericho join Cole and the King at the announce table. They run dwon Big Show as the match takes place. DH Smith takes Kozlov on the apron and then locks in the sharp shooter on Regal, who taps quickly.

Winner via submission: The Hart Dynasty

After the bell, Smith blocks a sneak attack from Miz, but he can’t stop Jericho from hitting the Code Breaker. The Miz follows with the Skull Crushing Finale.

Next week, Flavor Flav hosts Monday Night RAW. YEAAAAAAAA BOOOOOOOOY-OOOY!

The Cutting Edge

Edge tells the crowd that they don’t deserve an explanation for why he attacked Randy Orton. Edge is just messing with us, he tells us that all his plans to take the title from Jack Swagger went up in smoke when he was drafted to RAW. So he had to start over; spearing Orton made him the most talked about superstar in WWE. Edge starts to introduce Randy Orton, but instead Wayne Brady makes his way to the ring.

Edge says Orton can wait, and offers Brady a seat. Wayne says he is a huge fan, and asks Edge if he can get a chance to walk in his footsteps. Brady cuts a promo on all the other guest hosts. Randy Orton cuts the promo short.

Orton and Edge stare each other down, so Brady tries to defuse the situation. He gets on RKO for his trouble. Edge explains to Orton that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Edge was just trying to make a statement. Edge reminds Orton that last time he was on the show they became Rated RKO. Edge knows that can happen again, and it will be bigger and better. Edge offers they clean up after Over the Limit where Cena and Batista will destroy each other. Orton doesn’t say a word, and Edge starts to lose it. He can’t handle the fact that the fans haven’t accepted him, and they get behind Orton. He doesn’t get it. Edge rants about no of this being fair. He wants Orton to listen up, and he will join him. Edge says he will attack week after week, until they team up. Orton still says nothing. Edge blocks the RKO, and kicks Orton in the face. Orton takes his time getting up, and then counters the spear with then RKO. Orton stands over Edge as the show goes off the air.

Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale is sad that he will no longer go head to head with fellow writer Nick Tylwalk since TNA has been scared off of Monday nights.