March 8, 2010
RAW: Vince freaks Cena's mind
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
With TNA officially moving to Monday nights, WWE is having Chris “Mindfreak” Angel host tonight show, so he can make the competition disappear. (The jokes can’t all be winners, folks.) RAW makes a stop in Portland, Oregon, on the Road to Wrestlemania, which is only three weeks away.
The tolling bells can only signal one thing, The Undertaker. The Dead Man enters the ring to tell Shawn Michaels that there will be no victory, just the same dark cloud that has been over his head all year. In three weeks, Michaels' career will rest in peace. Before Taker can finish, HBK walks out for a rebuttal. Shawn tells Taker he hasn’t earned the right to finish his line. HBK says he has had an epiphany; it occurred to him that the Undertaker is afraid. He is afraid because, HBK came so close to beating him last year. Taker doesn’t see confidence in Michaels, he sees desperation. HBK wants a match that can only be won by pinfall or submission. Taker tells Shawn he has chosen his own demise, and he will not be Mr. Wrestlemania this year. Taker will unleash hell at Wrestlemania to make sure HBK’s career will be over. Shawn says after Wrestlemania the dark cloud will be hanging over Taker, and the lasting image will be HBK ending the Undertaker’s undefeated streak.
Match #1 – Kelly Kelly, Eve, and Gail Kim vs. Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Katie Lea Burchill
Eve gets Maryse to tap out to an arm bar, after pulling her off the top turnbuckle.
Winner via submission: Kelly Kelly, Eve, and Gail Kim
Chris Angel is pimping his merchandise with Hornswoggle when the Bellas walk in; they want to assist him tonight. Angel does some freaky magic, and now I know why I have never and will never see this guy’s show next time I am in Vegas. After the trick, Jillian walks in to audition with a song. Angel cuts her off, and then steals her voice. (I guess he’s not half bad after all.)
Match #2 – ShoMiz vs. R-Truth and John Morrison
Morrison and Truth won the right to face ShoMiz for the titles at Wrestlemania. Miz calls into question the credibility of this tag team. Show is double teamed on the outside, taking a double DDT and the ref calls for the bell. Morrison hits Miz with a gourdbuster on the guard rail. Morrison and Truth tell ShoMiz just how real they can get.
Josh Matthews asks John Cena about being left speechless last week by Batista. Cena says the only thing he can do is go out and beat him, he also is counting on Batista interfering in his match tonight.
Evan Bourne thanks Angel for giving him a chance to win a spot in Money in the Bank match by facing William Regal. Angel then does a mind trick with Regal and his NXT rookie.
Match #3 – Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton
Orton jumps Legacy on the ramp, and beats them down before getting in the ring. The match starts after a commercial break. Rhodes kicks Orton into the corner, but Orton reverses the situation, landing right hands. Rhodes tags out, and DiBiase kicks Orton, but is taken down with a clothesline. Rhodes tags in, and Orton beats him into the corner. DiBiase gets in a cheap shot, and Rhodes chokes Orton in the corner. Rhodes charges, and Orton dumps him over the top rope, and we go to commercial.
After the break, Orton is in control. He knocks Dibiase off the apron, and takes down Rhodes with a clothesline. Rhodes hits a chin breaker, and throws Orton through the ropes. DiBiase pulls Orton off the apron, and drops him to the floor with a heel kick. Orton is rolled back into the ring, and is double teamed. Dibiase connects with a clothesline, but cannot get the pin. Orton fights back with clotheslines, and beats DiBiase into the corner. DiBiase walks into a back breaker. Orton stalks DiBiase, but Rhodes provides enough of a distraction to allow DiBiase to hit Dream Street. Ted covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase
After the bell, the beating continues as Orton takes Cross Rhodes. Ted and Cody then mock Orton’s in-ring pose.
Josh Matthews asks Batista what he thinks of Cena expecting him to get involved in his match. Batista gives his word as WWE champion that he will not get involved. In fact, Batista wishes Cena luck, citing Cena could use a confidence boost.
Triple H makes his way to the ring to address the beat down he received from Sheamus. Hunter says he kind of respects Sheamus for what he did. And then Sheamus interrupts, saying he wants to make a statement at Wrestlemania. He wants to know if Hunter has the guts. Triple H says Sheamus has had a good first year, but he has never been to Wrestlemania. Hunter remembers when he was young and on a rocket to the top like Sheamus. He went to Wrestlemania and got crushed. But now Hunter is the guy that people call out to make a name for them. The list of winners is short, and he wants to know if Sheamus is ready to gamble like that. Sheamus attacks, but Hunter fights him off and sends him over the top rope. Sheamus pulls Hunter from the ring. Hunter ducks the bicycle kick and Hunter sends him over the security barrier. Sheamus slams HHH into the announce table, and rolls him back into the ring. Hunter connects with a spinebuster. Sheamus rolls out of the ring and head back up the ring.
Santino is backstage with Chris Angel trying to convince him he comes from a long line of magicians. Angel isn’t impressed, so he shows off for Santino. He wants to play hide the knife. (No comment. I don’t want to get fired.)
Match #4 – Evan Bourne vs. William Regal – Money in the Bank Qualifier
Christian provides some extra commentary during the match. Regal runs into a jumping knee and Bourne climbs the turnbuckle. He hits Air Bourne, covering Regal to get the win.
Winner via pinfall: Evan Bourne
Chris Angel heads to the ring to freak out minds. Angel does a terrible job as the ring announcer, and my mind has yet to be freaked.
Match #5 – John Cena vs. Vince McMahon
Vince takes some verbal shot at Bret Hart, and then tells Cena that the outcome of this match won’t be an illusion. Oh, and now this match is a handicapped gauntlet match.
Match #5 – John Cena vs. Vince McMahon and ??? – Handicapped Gauntlet Match
First partner – Vladimir Kozlov
Kozloz hits a power slam, and follows with a head butt. Kozlov slams Cena to mat, and Vince wants the tag. Cena kicks out of the pin, and Vince calls for another partner.
Second partner – Drew McIntyre
McIntyre hits a version of a face buster, which I’m guessing is his finisher, and Vince calls for the tag. Cena kicks out again.
Third partner – Jack Swagger
Swagger power slams Cena to the mat, and Vince is calling for the tag. Swagger holds off, and hits a splash out of the corner. Swagger follows with another splash, and Vince makes the blind tag. Cena kicks out again.
Fourth partner – Mark Henry
Henry doesn’t look too happy to play Vince’s games, but he does hit the World’s Strongest Slam on Cena, and tags in the boss. Cena kicks out again. Vince slips out of the ring, grabbing the ring bell. He announces the match is now a no disqualification match. Henry is still in the ring, and pleads with Vince not to hit Cena with the ring bell. Vince wants Henry to hit him, and Henry tosses the bell aside; only to turn right into a spear from Batista. The champ looks at Cena, but Kofi Kingston runs in, knocking Batista into the corner. Batista slams Kofi to the mat, but Cena gets to his feet and knocks Batista down. Cena picks up Vince, but gets speared by Batista. The champ follows with a Batista Bomb, and Vince covers, finally getting the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Vince McMahon
The show ends with Batista posing over Cena in the ring.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003.