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Impact: The Power of the Ring
By BLAINE VAN DER GRIEND - SLAM! Wrestling


As TNA gears up for the return of the Monday night wars, Abyss is on a path of rage, with Hogan leading the way. This episode also features a battle of the band.

After last weekís disastrous performance, at least I can say this week canít get any worse.

The show opens as it should, with AJ Styles and Ric Flair on their way to the ring. Styles mocks The Pope, who apparently has the night off (and he wonít be the only one). He takes exception to Pope considering himself a peopleís champion, because the only true champion is AJ Styles and Pope shouldíve learned by now that to be the man, you got to beat the man and because AJ has the title, heís the man. Flair then takes the microphone and completely changes the subject, by ripping into Hulk Hogan for just handing his prestigious Hall of Fame ring (presumably the WWE one) to Abyss, who Flair says will never be Hall of Fame material, because he isnít even suited to clean a Hall of Famerís shoes. Abyss has heard enough and decides to come out to a remixed version of Hoganís old ďAmerican MadeĒ theme song in WCW and confront Flair and AJ. He claims that the ring gives him some kind of special power (okay there Frodo) and he plans on using that power to take AJís belt and sticking it up Flairís a$$. Flair then starts losing it, saying Abyss is not Hall of Fame worthy and he should just remove the ring and place it on AJís finger right now. Hogan of course comes out to save the day and questions how AJ can call himself a good man, when heís taking advice from one of the worst men. Flair takes exception to that and he and Hogan exchange words. Flair then tries to pull Hoganís punk card, by challenging Hogan and Abyss to fight him and AJ. Hogan and Abyss stand their ground, so the heels exit stage left and Flair says by the end of the night, the ring will be on AJís finger.

Match #1: The Nasty Boys vs. Team 3D in a table match

And this is where the show starts taking a turn for the worse. Think about it. Itís the Nasty Boys and Team 3D. What good can come of this? Anyway, there isnít much to speak of here. Jimmy Hart tries to pass in his helmet to one of the Nastyís, until Jesse Neal comes out for the interception and hands it to D-Von, who levels Knobs. 3D then deliver the 3D to Sags through the table for the win.

Winners: Team 3D

Mick Foley is in Hoganís office, really giving to Bischoff for his actions last week, saying that he set Abyss up, while sending Foley on a shopping spree. Bischoff admits to it and says he was wrong for doing it, but it all turned out for the best, because both Abyss and JB still have their jobs and if it wasnít for Bischoffís actions, Hogan would have never come out and taken Abyss under his wing and Abyss wouldnít be nearly as happy as he is now. Foley then begins to come around, so Bischoff once again tells him what an asset he could be for the company and says he should be wearing his new suit. Foley then goes to get the suit.

Match #2: ODB vs. Daffney

Ugh! Where do I begin? Daffney goes for a spear at the beginning, but ODB dodges the bullet, so to speak, and Daffneyís shoulder collides with the ring post. For some unknown reason, they then cut to a split screen interview, where Christy Hemme is standing by with Tara (IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH!), who says she underestimated Daffney last week and didnít take her as seriously as she should have, but the next time they meet, itíll be a different story. By the way, there is a match still going on. Daffney spends the better part of the next few minutes working ODBís legs and wrapping them around the ring post. She then snaps again and pulls out a single ring step from underneath the ring (why is a ring step underneath the ring?) and uses it to get DQíd.

Winner: ODB by disqualification

Daffney continues the assault afterward, having to be restrained by Dr. Stevie again. When did ODB turn face?

JB is standing between the tag team champion Matt Morgan and Hernandez, who both accuse JB of trying to stir the pot between them, because of what happened at Against All Odds. Morgan says he and Hernandez both had a pact before the match that they would do whatever it took to win and if Hernandez was in the same position Morgan was in, he wouldíve done the exact same thing. Morgan says itís all water under the bridge now and the two of them need to be 100 per cent focused on defending their tag titles, because they plan on holding them for a very long time. Hernandez doesnít say much, but seems to be in complete agreement.

Meanwhile, in the parking garage, Scott Hall and 6-Pac are rummaging through the dumpster, trying to find any weapon they can use for the upcoming streetfight later (of course they are. Why should TNA concentrate on giving actual contracted talent any air time?)

Beer Money come out next and Roode says theyíve been a tag team for almost two years now, and not only are they the best team in TNA (yet without any titles), but theyíre the best team in pro wrestling period (canít argue that). He says theyíve promised to be the best they can be every single night and their reputation can be summed up with one word: pride. Storm puts over the fact that the two of them have been in TNA since the beginning, when all the so-called vets didnít want to come get their hands dirty, the two of them were entertaining TNA fans every night. Storm then says TNA management has since decided to put Beer Money on the sidelines, and that hurts, because when theyíre on the sidelines, Roode canít make any money to buy Storm any beer. He says now that TNA has reached the highest point itís ever been (highly debatable), the only thing thatís missing is a little Beer Money. This brings out one half of the Tag Team champions Hernandez, who had little to say earlier. He says Beer Money donít have to prove anything, because he knows their reputation and he knows how good they are. He says since he and Matt Morgan want to prove that theyíre the best also, he plans to go straight to Hoganís office and demand a title shot for Beer Money. Beer Money accepts the offer.

JB is standing by with Kevin Nash and Eric Young. Nash says they have some unfinished business, which theyíll take care of tonight and they plan to go out there and bust Hall and 6-Pac up real bad. Young says they plan on sending those guys packing for good. Nash concludes the interview, saying the physical pain will heal, but the emotional pain lasts forever (boohoo).

Jeff Jarrett barges into Hoganís office to give Bischoff a piece of his mind. Bischoff tries to calm him down and says heís absolutely right to be upset and Bischoff wants to start over, because he feels that heís disrespected Jeff, who is the founder of the company and what happened last week was a mistake, because Jarrett did do the right thing. At first, Jarrett didnít want to hear any of it, but Bischoff invites him to come out and join him in the ring, so they can bury the hatchet. Jarrett reluctantly accepts.

Bischoff comes to the ring and instructs everyone in attendance to give a warm welcome for the founder of TNA, Jeff Jarrett, who comes out with his full entrance theme music and pyro. Bischoff admits that heís made quite a few mistakes in his career and itís time to mend some of those. He then gets one of the stagehands to give him the barbwire bat that he planned for Jarrett to use last week, and says it would have been so barbaric to imagine a human being using an object such as that against another human being, so thinking about it, Bischoff says Jarrett did the right thing. Bischoff then throws the bat down and adds that Jarrett might have done the right thing, but he didnít do the right thing by Bischoff. He says Jarrett is just incapable of doing what Bischoff wants and until then, heís found a more suitable position for Jarrett within the company. He says since Jarrett refused to use the bat last week, maybe heíll consider using another item. Bischoff then presents Jarrett with a spatula and says that he should go back to the catering area and start flipping a few hamburgers for these fans he loves so much. He then gives him a hairnet to add insult to injury, saying he doesnít want any of that blond hair getting on any of the burgers. Bischoff then says Jarrett could quit, but he knows at the end of the day, heíll make the right decision.

Matt Morgan stops Hernandez in his tracks backstage and asks him what the hell he was thinking, offering Beer Money a title shot, without even consulting with him. Hernandez says it was his mistake and he messed up. He says he should have consulted with Morgan first. Morgan says before they can have chemistry in the ring, they should have chemistry out of the ring and be on the same page. Hernandez agrees and both guys leave through the exit door.

Match #3: Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian for #1 contendership for the X-Division title

Kazarian attacks early on with a slingshot legdrop, followed by a low dropkick in the corner, after using the rope to propel himself up first for added intensity, shades of Jeff Hardy. Kendrick responds with an enzugiri, followed by a twisting facebuster. They then cut to split screen, yet again while a match is going on, to recap the Samoa Joe abduction from last week, which has nothing to do with this match. Kazarian picks up the win with the flux capacitor, shades of Doc Brown.

Winner: Kazarian by pinfall

They then cut to the back, where Eric Young and Kevin Nash are taping their fists, as Nash looks as unenthused as Iíve ever seen him, which doesnít really say much.

JB interviews Abyss, who says neither Flair, nor AJ, nor anyone else will ever remove the ring from his finger. He says Hogan gave it to him and he can feel its power (are you kidding me?) and with that power, comes great responsibility. Abyss then says heís no lord, but people can call him the monster of the rings (if only I could have the last two minutes of my life back).

Christy Hemme is standing by with Mr. Anderson, who has an upcoming title shot against Rob Terry for the Global Championship, which hasnít seen the light of day in TNA for quite some time. As Andersonís mic drops from out of nowhere, he says heís going to dumb this down for Christyís benefit. He asks whoís the guy that everyoneís talking about, who made the biggest impact in TNA history and will be the next Global Champion? Anderson says it was him who publicly embarrassed the greatest wrestler in history, by leaving him laying in a pool of his own blood more than once and he hopes that everyone with a DVR is able to fast forward to the end of this segment (I wish I could fast forward to the end of this show), so they can hear him say that over and over and over again. Anderson says itís now time for his first taste of championship gold, because Rob Terry might be big and strong, but heís faced bigger and stronger opponents than Terry in the past, including six gorillas (I have to Youtube that). He then jumps the gun and declares himself the new Global champion.

Meanwhile, as Rob Terry prepares for the match in an undisclosed area, heís interrupted by former British Invasion teammate Brutus Magnus, who says he and Doug have been carrying Rob for a year and theyíre sick of him. He says ever since Rob put his hands on Magnus last week, he severed all ties to the British Invasion and then Magnus warns him to be careful, because he shouldíve never bitten the hand that feeds him. Rob grabs a hold of Magnusí finger and twists it, bringing Magnus to his knees. He sarcastically thanks Magnus for the warning and tells him to piss off.

Match #4: Mr. Anderson vs. Big Rob Terry for the Global Championship

Anderson comes out to cut another promo, before the match begins. He stands at the top of the ramp, asking if he should feel sorry for spitting on the piece of metal that was given to Kurt Angle by the widow of a fallen soldier. He then takes a dog tag of his own out and says that was given to him by the widow of a fallen soldier. Only that fallen soldier was Vietnamese and it doesnít make it any less valuable (why TNA? Why?). Little does Anderson know, Angle has ascended through the flooring with a steel chair in hand, and he blasts Anderson from behind, rendering him unconscious. He then signals to Rob Terry that heís all his. Terry picks Anderson up and carries him to the ring and just dumps him inside. He then delivers a powerslam for the win.

Winner: Big Rob Terry by pinfall

Jeff Jarrett is then shown flipping some burgers in the catering area (such a wise decision it was for TNA to bring in Hogan)

Nash and Young then make their way out of the building to confront Hall and 6-Pac. Pac is waiting for them and trying to verbally provoke them. Young attacks him immediately, but Nash is then nailed from behind with a pipe by Hall, which is a swerve that couldíve been seen a mile away. Young tries to fight off both guys, but theyíre too much for him, despite how weak Hallís punches looked. They warn Young to stay out of it and 6-Pac drops him with a spin kick. They then spray paint ď4 lifeĒ on Youngís back. What a waste of time.

Jeff Jarrett is now shown slicing onions in catering and by this point in the show, I canít wait for the next set of commercials.

Bischoff is talking to someone via cell phone, saying that having a celebrity host every week for Impact is the dumbest idea heís ever heard of (after everything thatís happened tonight, this is the DUMBEST idea?). Foley then walks in, wearing a trench coat. Bischoff tells him to remove it, so he can get a look at the suit. Foley reveals the suit, which Bischoff says looks stunning, other than the mustard stain that Foley christened it with. Bischoff then tells Foley that his look isnít quite their yet and starting next week, heíll be taking lessons in etiquette (I canít wait).

Match #5: Desmond Wolfe vs. Abyss

Abyss misses an avalanche, and Wolfe takes full advantage, arching Abyss backwards and delivering a kick to the spine, followed by a quick club to the chest. Abyss connects with an avalanche on the second attempt though, but Wolfe responds with the snapping arm ringer, but gets caught with the blackhole slam, giving Abyss the win. What a waste of Desmond Wolfe.

Winner: Abyss by pinfall

After the match, Flair and AJ come out and attack Abyss, but Abyss is able to fight them off, until Wolfe nails him from behind with a chair. Flair then delivers a lowblow and Wolfe handcuffs him to the ropes, until Hogan comes out to once again save the day. This time it backfires though as the 3-on-1 is too much for even Hogan to handle. AJ nails Hogan with the title, which busts him open. Abyss then breaks free of his restraints and charges after the heels, who narrowly escape his wrath. Hogan then grabs the mic and announces that on the March 8th show, which is Impactís official move to Monday nights, Ric Flair will come out of retirement (canít make Vince McMahon too happy) to team with AJ Styles against Abyss and Hogan. Hogan and Abyss both start doing poses to close the show.

Final thoughts:

The only positive thing I can say about TNA right now is that you can never say that theyíre at their absolute worst, because they somehow always manage to top themselves. This show was a great example of that. Jeff Jarrett in catering? Hall and 6-Pac still on camera? Mick Foley taking an etiquette class? What do any of these things have to do with anything? None of them are leading to any kind of match, yet they all take up more time than anything else on the show. Hall and 6 Pac are supposedly not even under contract, yet for some reason, the camera crew seems to follow them around more often than Beer Money, or the Motor City Machine Guns, or Daniels or any of the other young stars. The other thing that irritated me this week is that they cut matches as theyíre happening to split screen interviews and angles that donít even have anything to do with the match thatís happening. By the way TNA, you do have a pay per view coming up in a few weeks, in case youíve forgotten. Terrible show tonight. 1 out of 10.