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RAW: Getting Psych-ed for the Rumble
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


When WWE announced there would be guest hosts on Monday Night RAW, I figured we would see a USA Network star within the first month, but here we are over six months later and still no cross over. Well, that ends tonight in Columbus, Ohio. James Roday and Duke Hill from the USA Network show Psych are scheduled to host tonight, and John Cena is making a guest appearance on their show Wednesday. Although, Roday will not be appearing after having an appendectomy on Saturday, so Hill will be flying solo. (Oh, yea, the Royal Rumble is also six days away.)

DX kicks off the show with an actual match!

Match #1 – DX vs. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase – Non-Title Match

After the usual DX shtick, Shawn and Hunter have a little talk. Shawn wants Hunter to take a look at the Rumble from his perspective. This is his only shot to get a chance at ending the Undertaker’s streak. Hunter tells him they can throw 28 guys out of the ring, but when it comes down to it, Hunter will step on Shawn’s dream to get a title shot. Shawn says he understands.

Hunter and Cody lock up, and Cody gets tossed into the corner. Ted pulls him out of the ring to save him from a Pedigree.

After the quick break, Shawn hits Cody with a flying forearm and then an inverted atomic drop. HBK knocks DiBiase off the apron, and slams Cody to the mat. Shawn climbs the top turnbuckle, but DiBiase slows him up enough to allow his partner to escape from the ring. Instead, Shawn crashes into both of them on the outside. Cody gets back in the ring, and hits a HBK with a neckbreaker as he re-enters the ring. DiBiase gets the tag, and connects with a drop kick. DiBiase takes HBK down with a snap mare and then kicks him in the head. Cody tags in, and locks HBK in a submission. Cody breaks the hold to knocks Hunter off the apron. Cody runs into back body drop, but cannot get the tag to Triple H. Shawn counters Dream Street and gets the hot tag to HHH. Hunter cleans house, but HBK makes a blind tag when Hunter locked up Cody for a Pedigree. The two stare each down, and Hunter is pushed into Shawn. HBK super kicks DiBiase and Hunter takes out Rhodes, as Shawn makes the cover.

Winner via pinfall: DX

Before the match, MVP calls out The Miz. He tells the US Champion he can’t keep running and hiding behind guest hosts. The Miz walks out on stage to respond. Miz takes a shot at MVP’s time in prison, and the fact that people love MVP and hate Miz. MVP calls Miz a jack-ass and he is not and never will be a baller. MVP tells Miz he would be very popular in prison. And wants to know what kind of friendship he has with Big Show. Miz is upset and says he wants to take on MVP right now, but he has a friend that wants to make a statement, tonight. That friend is the Big Show.

Match #2 – MVP vs. The Big Show

Show knocks MVP to the mat, head butts him, and tosses him into the corner. A big chop sends MVP to the mat. Show misses a splash in the corner, and MVP responds with a knee to the face. MVP then runs into a chokeslam. Show holds MVP on the mat and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: The Big Show

After the match, The Miz taunts MVP in the ring.

Back in the locker room, Cody and Ted try to get back on the same page. Randy Orton walks in, and wants to know where they were last week when Sheamus jumped him. Orton wants them to realize that only one man can win, and they need to accept that.

John Cena and Dule Hill are hanging out. Cena pimps his appearance on Psych, but wants to know where James Roday is, and Dule tells us about the surgery. After Cena leaves, The Miz stops in. He can’t believe he wasn’t asked to be on the show. Dule tells Miz to listen up; he will have a match tonight against an opponent of Dule’s choice.

Match #3 – Maryse vs. Eve - Diva’s Championship Tournament Semi-Final

Before the match, Maryse has a message for the other Divas, when she is interrupted by pyro. Apparently, Dule was playing around with the control board, and even after he apologizes, Maryse is still mad at him.

Maryse drops Eve with the French Kiss DDT and covers for the win

Winner via pinfall: Maryse

Vince McMahon walks to the ring to address the Bret Hart situation. Vince says he has no good reason to bring Bret Hart back to WWE. Vince tries to tell us we had forgotten about Bret Hart (I know some Canadians that will disagree with that). Vince asks the crowd if they want Bret, and the crowd goes nuts. Vince announces Bret Hart will never be in the WWE. He defends this as a business move. Vince takes it to the people, and asks fans why they think he is afraid of Bret; after Vince returns to the ring, the “We want Bret” chants grown louder than ever. Vince puts his foot down on the subject, but John Cena walks out before Vince can leave.

Vince tells Cena he won’t change his mind. Cena says he never had a problem with Vince until recently. He didn’t like the way Roddy Piper was treated in New York, and talks about the good people that helped him get to where he is today. Cena wants to remind Vince that wrestlers aren’t commodities, and all he cares about is stroking his ego and lining his pockets. Cena calls Vince pathetic, and tells him that he will invite Hart to RAW next week for a face to face confrontation. If he doesn’t extend the invitation Vince will prove what Cena says he is. Cena ends his speech by telling Vince he needs to do the right thing. Vince needs to get the last word, and says he will invite Bret Hart to RAW next week, and won’t even flinch. And for Cena’s trouble he will be in action tonight, against Sheamus.

Match #4 – The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi breaks free of a head scissors and hip tosses The Miz. Kofi then slides under Miz and takes him down with a lateral body press. Miz kicks out and kicks Kofi in the head. Miz kicks Kofi in the ribs, and then drops a leg across his throat. Kofi uses the ropes to his advantage and kicks Miz in the head. He then splashes Miz from the top rope. Miz kicks out and responds with a neck breaker. MVP’s music hits, and The Miz turns his attention to the stage. Kofi uses the distraction to hit Trouble in Paradise and gets the pin. MVP walks out to taunt Miz.

Winner via pinfall: Kofi Kingston

Carlito takes Dule to the production truck. Dule wants to know what all these buttons do. The tech brings up Carlito’s graphic, and Dule has an idea. Dule will press a button, and whatever superstar comes up, Carlito will face tonight. Dule hits a button, and Kelly Kelly pops up on screen. Carlito is now very receptive to this plan. He says he needs to go get ready for the match.

Match #5 – Carlito vs. Kelly Kelly

Carlito doesn’t even bother to change out of his street clothes for the match. Kelly doesn’t look too happy heading to the ring, but she is saved by Santino, who first pimps the Best of RAW 2009 DVD. Santino says he doesn’t come off very well in the DVD, so he is going to kick off 2010 by beating Carlito and then winning the Rumble. Before Santino can get in the ring, he is blasted from behind by Jack Swagger. The All American American slams Santino face first into the ring post, and then does pushups over him.

No Contest

John Cena is hanging out with Dule again. Cena pimps Psych again, and then says he has James Roday on the phone. Alicia Fox drops in, and Dule says he can see the future. He tells her he sees a Fox victorious in the ring, tonight. In fact, Dule says he will be at ringside. Cena tells him he better be right or there will be trouble.

Match #6 – Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox - Diva’s Championship Tournament Semi-Final

Gail Kim gets the win with a shoulder breaker and Dule Hill is worried. Alicia runs over and demands what happened to her victory. Hill tries to talk his way out of it, but Alicia slaps him hard.

Winner via pinfall: Gail Kim

Match #7 – Sheamus vs. John Cena – Non-Title Match

Sheamus backs Cena into the corner, and the two have a clean break. Cena whips Sheamus into the corner, and hits a running bulldog. Cena then runs into an elbow in the corner. Sheamus stomps Cena into the corner. Cena fights out, and hits a back suplex. Sheamus responds with a suplex of his own. Cena is whipped into the corner, and hits the mat hard. Sheamus then connects with a running knee lift on the apron that sends Cena to the floor. Cena ducks another knee lift, and quickly goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Sheamus counters with a DDT, dropping Cena on his head. Cena powers out of a hold, drops Sheamus with a toe hold, but Sheamus blocks the STF. Cena is tossed to the outside, and Sheamus whips him into the ring steps. Cena is down on the outside, and the ref starts the count. Cena gets back in the ring before the ten count. Sheamus misses an elbow drop. Cena shoots off the ropes, and connects with the shoulder. He then hits a side slam, and the five-knuckle shuffle. Sheamus battles out of the AA and counters into a back breaker. Cena kicks out and Sheamus looks for the bicycle kick. Cena ducks it, and is able to lock in the STF. Sheamus grabs the ropes to break the hold and rolls out of the ring. Cena goes after him, but Sheamus is able to hit the bicycle kick. Cena is down on the outside, when Randy Orton hits the ring and RKO’s Sheamus. The ref calls for the bell.

Winner via DQ: Sheamus

Orton stalks the fallen Sheamus, and Cena tries to get back in the ring. Orton picks him up through the ropes, looking for the DDT. Instead Cena counters in the Attitude Adjustment, and is left standing tall in the ring.

Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003.