ECW: Party like it's 2009!
MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on ECW on Syfy: Party like its 2009! The rivalry that captured the hearts of the ECW Universe during the latter part of 2009 re-ignites itself of this week's edition of ECW when ECW Champion Christian squares off with William Regal. Should be a good one!
And we are "LIVE!" from Greenville "By God", S.C. Josh Mathews and Byron Saxton are our hosts. This show is presented in WWEHD (TV-PG,V).
And right off the bat, it's time for The Abraham Washington Show. But wait, Abraham Washington isn't here! So filling in for Washington tonight is none other than Santino Marella!
Marella says Washington has come down with "gastro-Laurinaitis" of the intestines. Oh my. Is that writing on the wall for the future endeavored list? They now have added a rimshot. Marella tries to teach Tony Atlas some Italian. Then Marella welcomes his guest for tonight ... KOZLOV. No, I'm not kidding.
Smiling babyface Kozlov is not getting over at all. He got no reaction until he says he likes chili cheese fries, Hannah Montana and 24-hour Wal-Mart. Marella says they have a lot in common and should become a tag team. Kozlov says no. Santino polls the crowd and they all shout "NO!" and boo. Hahahahaha. And then it ends. Tony Atlas continues to be the best thing about this.
Match #1 - Yoshi Tatsu (Tokyo, Japan) & Goldust (Hollywood, Calif.) vs. Trent Barreta & Caylen Croft (420 pounds)
OK, is their combined weight a rib?
Goldust hits a scoop slam but Barreta breaks up the fall attempt. Tatsu comes flying in to take out Barreta but Barreta side steps him and dispatches him over the top rope. Goldust goes for a roll-up on Croft but Barreta comes in with a clothesline behind the referee's back and Croft rolls Goldust up and gets the fall.
Winners via pinfall: Trent Barreta & Caylen Croft
Zack Ryder and Rosa Mendes are out to the ring. He says after defeating Tommy Dreamer and The Hurricane, he wants everyone to refer to him as the "Heart and Soul Superhero of ECW." Ryder makes Savannah come in and announce him as that. After two lacklustre tries, Mendes gets in her face and, I believe, calls her stupid in Spanish. Don't quote me on that, though. As she's going off, The Hurricane comes in. Ryder cuts him off but gets the worst of it, taking the top-rope crossbody and rolling out of the ring.
Match #2 - Christian (Toronto, Ontario) vs. William Regal (Blackpool, England)
Ezekiel Jackson, the No. 1 contender for Christian's championship, if you recall, makes his presence known early, as the two square off outside the ring.
Regal goes to town on Christian but the champion makes his comeback. He hits a boot out of the corner and then the flying European uppercut. He goes for the Killswitch but Regal counters. He goes to throw Christian out of the ring but Christian reverses and dispatches Regal to the outside. Christian looks to slingshot to the outside but before he can, he is attacked from behind with a clubbing blow by Jackson.
Winner via disqualification: Christian
Jackson and Regal commence the beatdown. Christian sells like he is near death. Just as Christian starts to get up, Regal comes out of the corner with the knee trembler. Jackson picks up Christian's lifeless body and hits the uranage. As many a ECW have ended in the past six months, Jackson and Regal raises each other's arms over Christian. After a replay, Jackson gives him one more uranage for good measure.
Matt Bishop can be reached at email@example.com. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. And if you're interested in mixed martial arts, check out Matt's weekly podcast -- Lights Out Radio. Should be a good one!.