December 25, 2009
Superstars: Kane, Knox featured in Christmas Eve showdown
By MATT JOHNSON - SLAM! Wrestling
Pass the eggnog and stop arguing with the relatives! It is Thursday night, so regardless of the imminent arrival of a bearded fellow dressed in red; WWE Superstars is on the air as usual. For the wrestling fan looking for a break from family activities, Superstars may be the salvation. Nothing saves Christmas like Mike Knox vs. Kane.
This has not been the greatest week of WWE television. Raw was lousy on Monday. It was an embarrassment of a television show. Watching that crappy comedy featuring DX and little people made me thank God for the miracle of DVR and fast forward. Something tells me that nonsense will be left off the January 4 show.
Match #1 –Ezekiel Jackson vs. Vladimir Kozlov
To symbolize the Christmas spirit and the health care bill that the United States Senate passed today, Vlad and Zeke are both wearing red. Zeke flexes in the ring, looking very ‘well’. We will see how Vlad’s babyface run works out, but I have my doubts.
Vlad starts out with a headlock. There are a few minutes of plodding action before the action spills to the floor. It ends in a double countout. This match was just a tease, you see. You may have to pay 45 bones to see the full battle.
Official Decision : Double Countout
A commercial airs for the Marine 2 starring Ted Dibiase. Interestingly enough, a commercial featuring Hulk Hogan airs for the January 4 edition of TNA Impact. I wonder if it is a local buy, or if WGN sold WWE down the river?
A video airs on Christian. His music is pretty cool. My festive holiday mood dampens with the appearance of Michael Cole, who introduces the Smackdown rebound. A week after he delivered in the ratings, Rey Mysterio gets a World Title match against the Undertaker. If I was writing the Smackdown report, this would be the place where I would write about the significance of Christmas night in wrestling history.
Match #2 –Chavo Guerrero vs. Primo Colon
Well, we do have a shot at one decent match on the show tonight in the form of Chavo against Primo. Carlos Colon is in attendance. Primo hits some kicks and gets an early two count. Primo stays on the offense with some punches in the corner. Lots of quick reversals in the match, and Chavo takes control with some kicks and a forearm.
Primo fights back with some punches to the gut and a flying elbow. Primo hits a side Russian legsweep and gets a two count. Primo tries a splash from the top rope, but Chavo counters with a dropkick to the gut. Chavo hits two suplexes, but primo rolls Chavo up for a two count when Chavo tries another suplex. Chavo jams Primo’s throat into the top rope and hits a frog splash for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Chavo Guerrero
Ask the Divas. How to deal with holiday stress? Answers include workouts, shopping, and happy hour. They ask some stupid question about who would win a fight between fictitious Christmas figures. The answers are irrelevant.
Drew McIntyre comes to the ring in a suit and cuts a promo. He could use better entrance music. McIntyre talks about how smart Vince McMahon was to brag him up. Morrison makes his way to the ring. Morrison calls McIntyre the “chosen one.” The crowd starts chanting “Jeff Jarrett.” OK, not really. Morrison claims that nobody would want to party with McIntyre and makes fun of McIntyre’s foreign accent. Now that seems both xenophobic and mean. A fight breaks out with Morrison getting the better of McIntyre and hitting the Starship Pain.
A commercial airs for the new World Heavyweight Championship DVD. Fans can relive great title changes like Ric Flair and Harley Race at the first Starrcade or Eric Bischoff handing over the belt to Triple H. Within the WWE Universe, apparently the NWA and WCW title lineage now counts as the history of the big gold belt on Smackdown.
Match #3 -Kane vs. Mike Knox
Kane and Mike Knox make their way to the ring, and Stryker comments on the quiet brilliance of Mike Knox. I never thought of him as brilliant. Kane blocks an early Knox elbow drop with a knee. Kane applies a submission hold to Knox’s arm. Kane rams Knox into the corner and goes back to attacking the arm. Commercial time.
Kane knocks Knox out of the ring with a clothesline. Knox turns things around by preventing Kane from entering the ring. Knox hits a chop to the head from the top rope. Knox hits a weak clothesline and a splash, before applying a headlock. Kane turns things around and beats Knox from corner to corner and hits a sidewalk slam for a two count. Kane hits a clothesline from the top rope for another two count. Kane charges the corner, but Knox moves. Knox hits a cross body block and gets a two count. Knox climbs the top rope, but Kane slows him down with punches. Knox throws Kane of the rope. When Knox jumps off the top rope, Kane catches him and hits the chokeslam and gets the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Kane
Not the greatest display of wrestling on this episode of Superstars. At this point, I won’t complain, however, as it was a rare case of original programming on Christmas Eve. Not to be a Grinch, but I do not see a future in Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov. Kane and Mike Knox can definitely have roles on a show, but they cannot be put together in a main event. It does not leave fans satisfied. Well, I smell Christmas dinner and am out of here!
Matt Johnson wishes the supporters of SLAM! Wrestling a very Merry Christmas. Join Matt on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mattjohnsonSLAM. Email Matt at email@example.com.